Any real serious tips and advise on how to make a long distance realtionship work???
i dont want to believe in the notion that a good relationship has to end when they have to be far apart...i want ideas on how to make it work
Having been in a few failed long distance relationships and one good long distance relationship (Yeah! Still alive!) I have no illusions about the challenging aspect of managing a serious relationship with someone you care about.
Plan to visit each other when you can. When you visit, make everyday count-do something memorable-even if you don't leave the house-you could have a game night, play video games, etc.
If you live across the country from each other- plan to meet somewhere in the middle and have a fun adventure together.
When I started dating my SO, he was working long hours underground without any semblance of interaction besides his email for most of his days. Since my job involved traveling to his city at least once a week-I would leave him notes on his vehicle. They weren't always sentimental and full of hearts, hugs and kisses-but it was enough to show him that I was thinking of him.
Video chats-whether it is Skype, Yahoo, MSN Live, Kinect or whatever other video service-it is worth it. You get to hang out with them online, and if you both of kinect-you can get the same games and play with them while you talk.
As a side note-Skype was a lifesaver for us while we were deployed. (that's right, we were both deployed at the same time. It can mean everything to be able to just see your sweetie sometimes.)
Send small gifts to each other. This doesn't have to happen very often, but sometimes when you want to show you care or that you have been listening-it can been received as sweet, caring and thoughtful.
Try something new together-hiking, skating, horseback riding, skydiving....when you are together.
I'm now married to a man with whom I had a long distance relationship to start with, and the big thing for us was maintaining steady communication in order to get to know each other better, and also to keep up with what was important in each other's lives. It really helped us to grow on an individual basis as well, since you really can't let feelings of insecurity or jealousy get in the way; you have no choice but to trust the other person if you wish to keep things together. We tried to address any issues that arose quickly, and really had to work hard at seeing where our own character issues were causing the problems that we tried to foist on the other person. We were several thousand miles apart and never saw each other in person until the day he moved here, so it was a challenge, but in the end it was well worth it. We both grew individually and as a couple as a result of the distance, and became best friends long before our marriage thanks, in large part, to this kind of interaction.
Distance certainly doesn't mean that it has to fall apart -- we have three children now, and have yet to encounter challenges that we can't get through together. Since we married we have been separated again for as long as two months at a time, but the relationship never felt unduly strained by these unavoidable events. I believe that distance won't destroy any relationship that would have survived any other normal challenges of life together, and can be a great way to gauge each other's abilities to work through hardships to determine whether it would have worked in the long run with or without the distance.
Hey Sir_Tallest, my wife and I spent a 1.5 years apart during our dating and engagement and we found a way to make it work. There is no "silver-bullet," of course, but we found that daily Skype calls (even to just "hang out") and frequent visits (every 4-8 weeks) helped us bridge the gap. Again, it's a difficult and complicated journey, but these two things helped us greatly.
My husband and I have been married 22 years this month. For the past 12 years we have had a long distance relationship. He is in CA, and our home is in PA. I have seen him for three weeks since OCT. 2010. Most of the 12 yrs. he has been gone about 7 month out of that period of time. It is very hard. I keep busy doing the work on 10 acres, I brought all the wood into the house both winters except for the 3 weeks he was here last Dec 27th to the third week of Jan. We talk on the phone sometimes 10-15 times a day. I buy him surprises and put them on his bed. We have our own bedrooms. It is like we are dating! It keeps love alive, believe it or not. We are Christians and we share scripture and praying together. He is a Rabbi, Opera singer. He sings all over the world. Now and then he will send me a surprise in the mail, a card and a love letter. He is 64 and I am 68. I am 50 in that picture. I was an aerobics instructor for 30+ years and still walk for exercise and mow 8 acres on a tractor, and weed whack constantly, or pull weeds. We are both singers, sang in operas together, sing in churches together. I ordered 15 chickens to have our own eggs. There are a lot of things you can do. You could go visit her two or three special dates out of the year. My oldest son was doing the samething, his girlfriend in another state. He quit after a year, but they were not married yet. I was. If you are married you will try harder to make it work, after all it will not stay that way forever! Good luck, and may God give you the strength to handle it and maybe even get married one day. Just make sure you are evenly yoked. That is the only way it will work.
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