What are the best ways to re-gain self esteem after a traumatic relationship situations?
After being with my first proper boyfriend for 3 years, we lived together for 2 & a half of which, i literally fell apart as he ended it xmas day. I don't know how i regained self esteem but in all honesty it has taken me 3 years to fully get it back. I started by doing the things that made me and only me happy. I didnt think about boys, i slowly started going out with friends again. I joined the gym, worked out 5 nights a week (but this was due to my over comfort eating) There's no magical cure but i promise it will get easier a time goes on. I thought my heart would never mend. But nearly 4 years later i have met someone who is simply wonderful
self forgiveness and acceptance are the first steps. appreciating yourself too helps. surrounding yourself with supportive people. it's painful but it helps. i actually hubbed something about forgiveness and letting go.
I know people can live a more free and satisfying life when they forgive and let go. It can do wonders for the soul!
Self forgiveness is a good key, it ended for a reason, thats just the way i look at it. It kills at the time, but as they say, time is a healer
What a tough question to answer! and I hope that you are asking this from a theortical point of view and not from your personal experience.
If my current partner would leave me I would totally and utterly fall apart. I am actually making a real effort here to imagine this worst case scenario. I know from previous experiences that after a time of despair I would get my bum into gear and I would drag myself out of that hell.
First of all I would get my appearance sorted: hairdresser, new clothes and a lot of exercise. Then I would declutter my house: burning anything that reminds me of him. Then I would look in the mirror and acknowledge everything that is good about me. Then I would ask my family and friends if they think that something is wrong with me and if this was the case I'd work on improving myself.
Finally, would curse a lot, stick a Limp Bizkit CD on and tell the "curse, curse" to go to hell.
Your 'Team Leader'
I was with my ex since the age of 15, married for more than 17 years, and had two teenage sons, 16 & 13 at the time, I discovered he was gay. After learning he had been with a male member of my family. (no blood relation to him) That was in 2008, and I am only now recovering. I was so in love with him and he was my best friend, so losing him was very much like a death for me. I sought therapy, wrote and write a lot, and went back to school. I struggle and struggled with feelings of being betrayed, but ultimately it was forgiving him and making peace with it and him, that allowed me to heal. My self-esteem suffered (ego) because I never had much of one to begin with...only I wasn't aware of that until I was no longer with him. Funny what love blinds us to, or from. "I never knew I had a choice" is the book I read that truly allowed me to see my worth. I hope it will help...
I have a new article coming up very soon that may help: Recovery from a Narcissistic Relationship.
Taking up a hobby, study course or sport you've always wanted to try is a great way to rebuild your self-esteem after the end of a relationship, it also allows you to mix with new people, so you can make a fresh start.
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