Can you love someone but not be attracted to them?
I was in a 5yr marriage that ended (long story) but anyway I was never physically attracted to him but I married him and had his kids was that really love?
Having kids while not being physically attracted to your partner. Is that Love?
That might have been love. There are 5 feelings of romantic love. They are generated by 5 different physiological systems: the feeling of crazy love; feeling sexual; feeing like friends; feeling like family; and feeling like helping your partner.
It’s love if you felt any or all of these. If you had children you probably felt or may still feel like your ex is family. And you might care about his future and want to help him. That’s also love. You could be friends. What was left out was the sexual feeling.
The fewer the feelings of love your partner evokes in you the more dysfunctional the relationship becomes. Same for him. I write about this is a book called Low Stress Romance.
Essentially what you're asking is; Can you love someone without being "in love" with them. To be "in love" does require chemistry and being attracted to a person.
Lorie Gottieb wrote a book titled; "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough" I've never read the book but I imagine it is about giving up on the idea of finding the handsome knight on a white horse but instead looking for a man who loves and adores her, has a good education and career, stable, and dependable. In other words he is the guy who looks good on paper with one exception, there is no "chemistry". The marriage is a "practical decision" rather than an emotional one.
To "love" someone means you care an awful lot about them. To be "in love" with someone means you believe with you heart and soul that he or she is "The One". I believe to be "in love" you have to be attracted to the person. However this is NOT a requirement to simply "love someone".
Think of it this way. There are three sides of the triangle: romantic love, companionate, and fatuous love. Romantic love involves passion and intimacy. Companionate involves intimacy and commitment. Fatuous love involves passion and commitment. There are even subgroups.
The question is, what did your relationship have? There was intimacy since you had children and commitment for a while. It sounds like you had companionate love.
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