Why do some men try to control what their lover wears in public?
some men get very heated when their girl wears an article of clothing that looks nice on them. they prefer that the woman wears something that shows nothing of their figure and does nothing to enhance their appearance at all. my boyfriend is one of those kind of men and I would really like to know what the reasoning is behind this.
Some men see it as a sign that you are on offer, this may not be true but us men are strange creatures, we see a pretty woman in a short skirt or revealing clothing and become aroused, we see our partners in the same and become enraged because we know what other men are thinking, it may be a bit two faced but its a natural instinct for men to want to protect what they have from other males.
As one friend once complained to me; "Man, my girl had on the kind of dress you want to see on another man's girl!" LOL!
Essentially what that means is he doesn'te want other men looking at his girl with lustful eyes! My guess is when he met her he was drawn to her because he thought she looked "hot". However now that she is "his" he doesn't want her to draw any unwanted attention or shall I say possible (competition). :-)
There are actually quite a few explanations for this, some voiced in previous comments.
1. When women wear certain items of clothing they become sexual objects and are regarded with very little respect by men (and some women). So when a man's partner puts on an item of clothing that falls into this category he knows exactly what other men will be thinking of her.
2. Women love attention and will purposely wear clothes to gain more. Sexy outfits are likely to gain attention from other men so the man questions why she wants other men's attention.
3. A man sees his partner as an extension of himself so when in a relationship she will represent him and vice versa. Therefore, if a women wears something that he considers 'trashy' he believes that this reflects badly on him.
In my experience communication problems normally ensue with the man trying to 'help' her project a better image whereas she will not understand this and see him as 'controlling' or depriving her of her civil liberties in some way.
As a life coach this issue surfaces quite often when discussing the relationship element of a persons life.
I guess for the same prideful egomania that some WOMEN act thus.
For the same reasons that some women get touchy about their men dressing up.
Insecurity- and insecurity can cause jealousy, which in turn can cause even worse behavior. It is definitely a "red-flag."
Of course, I'm referring to what you said "clothing that looks nice on them," not the type of clothing that's "as revealing as it can possibly be without going naked."
I have read all your answers and I can see a bit of what each of you says in my boyfriend.
@dashingscorpio Thank you for your comments. It's uncanny how two girls can be wearing the same outfit but the boyfriend of one has a different view of how it looks on his girlfriend as opposed to another girl. I have known my boyfriend for over 2 decades and i have always dressed the same, but his opinion of how I dress changed once we got together as a couple.
@stanwshura and @MickS Thank you. We definitely can't ignore the fact that women do act the same way too. I guess a certain amount of possessiveness befells everyone when they get together with someone. There are some that don't want another to see the same loving beautiful characteristics in their loved one for fear that they may lose them.
@Silverspeeder I agree with you in the sense that my boyfriend has on occasion thought that I was flirting with others by dressing up. He has thought that I was trying to draw attention to myself.
@StarMom41 Insecurity that can lead to jealousy is another sign that I have seen. It's so wierd that each of your comments depicts a small part of what makes up my boyfriends character. I noted a possible red flag not long ago and thankfully have nipped it in the butt.
@iwriteforyou What you said about women becoming an object of sexual attention when they dress in certain outfits is true. Lack of communication between couples is not healthy for any relationship. Wearing sexy outfits can send wrong signals to your partner. In situations like that, the partner needs to open and upfront with their loved one. They need to talk about what bothers them and come to a decision.
But, not every woman likes attention. Some, like myself, wear what they do because it's comfortable. An oversized t-shirt will hold the heat of the summer between the material and the skin, making the person's own body heat rise. The same happens
I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds by saying please be careful- because situations like that generally do not get better, they only get worse.
It's insecurity, and trying to keep a certain image of confidence, when it's really a cop out. A real man wants to show his girl off, meet his friends, and make them jealous that his lady is "it". Or maybe he's insecure that if she looks too good, that another guy will steal her. Either way, it's a good way to push her away, not keep her for himself.
It could be they secretly don't trust them. They get insecure when other people are staring at the partner.
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