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I know this is a problem that comes up every now and then with women. It's always justified as "men are visual creatures, they're always looking," and the female partner shouldn't be so insecure. But I tend to think there's a little more to it than that.
To women: Regardless of how you or anyone else might justify this behaviour, does it bother you? If so why? If it doesn't, why?
To men: Why do you look? Do any sexual thoughts go through your head while you look? Do you expect your partner to put up with it? Would you be ok with your partner looking at other guys?
I would have thought that looking at other people would be a daily necessity.
What are people supposed to do? Ignore someone because their partner deems them attractive? How would you know?
If they are attractive and your other half is an insecure jealous person I would tell them to get over it, and would break off the relationship myself.
Jealousy is such a petty emotion!
Not reading the replies so if I repeat what someone else said forgive me.
My advice is to get over it. If you think your man is with you because he thinks you have the only body worthy of being found attractive, then you're missing what a committed relationship is all about.
Is this the only thing your relationship is about? Is your attractiveness all that you bring to the table? If so, be concerned. If not then don't worry about it and let him look. And feel free yourself to likewise admire the beauty in other male forms.
Looking isn't touching. Physical intimacy can promote emotional intimacy, so that's another subject, but looking is nothing at all. Would you have him see a flower and not see it? Or a sunrise or sunset and not see it? Or a laughing child and not see the beauty?
I would hope not.
Edit: I should probably add that it used to bug me. Normal I'm sure to wish we could be all in all to our mates, or that we worry they'll discover they prefer someone else, but when you realize that your looks isn't what your relationship is about, and admit that you too admire the beauty in the opposite sex, then your perspective will change.
Yes, you are right. Sex is not the only thing in committed relationship. So why give it importance if your partner mates with someone else? Sometimes, you have committed relationships outside marriage or love without involving sex. So why allow sex to make or break your relationship of love or marriage. Why not keep sex out of commitment?
Of course looking is not touching. But sometimes, looking conjures up visions of touching which distracts your attention from your partner. Looking at a sexually irresistible person is not the same thing as looking at flowers and sunset.
some people can do this, some can't. You want your partner to respect your views? yes? So...your partner wants to be respected as well.
Im guessing most marriages started out as ..like a pact..pinky promises and shit..."I'll only sleep with you"..so when one person breaks the pact the other one is hurt. Its that simple.
If one person wants an open relationship and the other one doesnt, the relationships cant go on. Its absurd to expect a person who wants security to just say..oh well, your a man, do whatever you want.
Changing the rules halfway thru isnt fair.
i see many attractive men all the time, but i don't want to have sex with them. except maybe police officers wearing tall dark boots and riding motorcycles
one time i was at the courthouse for jury duty and we were all in line and a whole bunch of nice officers came out of Sheriff Joe's office looking very fine. they smiled at me and i smiled back like an idiot but i wouldn't have gone home with any of them. sheesh. there's nothing wrong with looking!
not at all. a beautiful girl walks into a room, anyone will stop and look, so what?
it only becomes problematic when an appreciative glances turns into staring or something.
It wouldn't bother me, coz i'm not that insecure.
I was married to a built, very beautiful "showgirl."
Just because I married "Mt Everest" doesn't mean that I can't appreciate the beauty of surrounding "peaks."
I told her that I enjoy the view but I don't intend to "climb" any of them.
She accepted that.
I accepted her "appreciation" of other males.
what is he doing wrong? It hurts no one, he's only human and women sooooooooo do the same just hide it better. Hate how this is going to sound but I just take no mind to assuming it will happen. Honest, I might be worried if he didn't
A MAN'S gonna look and appreciate
}you bet! :-)
A WOMAN'S gonna look and appreciate
Thanks for becoming a fan...I hope you enjoy my "hubs."
I write, as a "realist," according to the way I view this world. :-)
Of course sexual thought has an influence on men's thought while looking to a woman! It is an inbuilt property of human brain!
Yes the female partner also have the same property!
In my opinion there is a level of "looking" that is appropriate, and a level that is not. If the guy just looks casually at another woman, I don't see a problem with it. If the guy is glaring at her breasts or butt, and drooling a bit, then sure there may be a problem.
On the same token, I've been in relationships with women (I'm a guy) and they have done the same thing. They've even commented about them as their staring, "Wow, he's good looking, he looks like Brad Pitt!" and "That guy is in really good shape, he must work out!" types of things. So I wouldn't necessarily pin this on men, women do it too.
Attraction to the opposite sex is natural, how much you can cover it under the dresses of your social etiquette that's upto you!
I agree with origin - there is looking and there is drooling. Men drooling at other women especially when with their partner is inappropriate and an insult.
Still remember the rule my parents told me every time we went into a china/crockery shop:
"Look, but don't touch."
Rings true in relationships too:-)
Yup, that's the rule my husband and I use, too. Being in a committed relationship doesn't mean you go blind, it means you choose not to act on your attraction to other people because you value the relationship you're in too highly.
I also agree with origin and gramarye that there's a difference between looking and drooling, but it hasn't been an issue in my marriage to date. We actually have been known to point out particularly yummy pieces of eye candy for each other if we think the other's missed it.
I must confess, am attracted to dog-like faces
So true. Most men are highly sexual beings - if their wives make them supress the desire to enjoy looking at women in public, it's only going to turn into looking at women in secret (porn).
My first husband always admired women, and would sometimes even comment. Until one day he stopped - and that was when he'd stopped looking, he was touching instead (having an affair).
My man looking at other women does not bother me. Beauty can be found in many things, including the human form. I can't imagine any legitimate reason to begrudge him his right to admire beauty, regardless of what form it takes.
You said it much more succinctly than I.
"begrudge him his right to admire beauty, regardless of what form it takes"
cats are not my thing, sorry!
I look but don't touch!
.. I might even say something to the wife like 'Wow.. those are HUGE!""
.. but she knows that I only love her and wouldn't think about being with another woman
This is very honest and honorable, Greek One.
The fact is, most partners "look". There's a big difference in "just looking" and actual action on that desire. It is when one gets so caught up in the emotions and passion and acts on the impulse that causes the problem.
I have known a woman who was so blinded by her "feelings" for a man that she could not see anything else. She could not even recognize that he was simply a player looking for a temporary thrill for selfish reasons.
On the other hand, I have seen a man so infatuated with a woman he throws all moral rules out the door because he is so overpowered by his need. He was using one woman as a "meal ticket", staying at her home temporarily "as a friend", yet sleeping in her bed. At the same time, he was fervently pursuing the other woman online, by text, phone calls, instant message, and email. Was this right either?
Learning to control one's urges it the key.
". ........ but she knows that I only love her..."
Maybe she also knows otherwise,
That you you are gullible..........
I have no problem with my man noticing that a woman is attractive. When he manags too see al lkind sof attractive women, and commetns he wishes he cold know what its like to "be" with her..well..and he manages to NOT notice anything about me for weeks...About the comment "what else are you bringing to the table?" A woman can be bringing quite alot, but if the man (sorry, I know this goes both ways but Im a girl) anyway...if the man acknowledges nothing else about his partner,only her looks, and then stops noticing even that...it isn't a good thing. It's not necissarily the woman's fault for being jealous though. Its just not a good relationhsip.
Oh yeah absolutely. He either needs to man up or get lost.
Of course, all relationships have their ups and downs and things can be confusing when you're younger, but if someone's mate isn't trying to make the relationship work then it's probably time to move on.
when my man looks too hard at another woman, he knows that when we get home he's gonna have to wear the chain for 3 hours and if I think he needs it, I may have to jerk on it a little! but, then we always have a real good time after that!
pulled your leg a little, huh!
I was going "okay then" and making a note of your name so I could send the bad forum boys your way when they misbehave.
Eh, to each his own. I suspect few of us are in a place to judge. All the same the image did NOT match up well with your avatar!
Thanks for the laugh. You got me!
Be careful of your wording. It is a bit unclear what you will be jerking when you get home.
I very much enjoy the after effects of my wife looking at a sexy man.
I sometimes have to hire these men from out of state as it is diificult to find any locally who are sexier than me.
My boyfriend dosnt look at other women. Its in his genes, as his father dosnt either. Even if he was origionally the type of guy to look, unfortunately his self esteem is not there and hes more worried about what he can bring to the table. His brother is another story, as hes a grimlin who wants to date barbie, so hes always checkin out the ladies. So even though i have it in me to be the jealouse type, i dont have to worry about it. And please...stop telling all of us jealouse types to get over it. As long as we just give a slap on the arm if we catch them looking, whats the big deal. When it becomes an obsession, and an issue of trust, then you gan start with the "get over it" thing. Not all of us women are crazy, just protective and cautious.
I think my wife would be highly suspicious if I did not do those things. It bugged her a year or so 18 years back, now she don't mind. She knows she is secure.
I solved this life long problem a couple of years back - I have the most beautiful, sexiest girl around - why would I look anywhere else.
I don't have a problem whatsoever with reasonably discreet looking. I don't think I'd stay with a boorish guy who made himself look like a giant jerk by "ogling", and I think some level of "good manners" (with regard to his partner/date/wife) are always in order. Plain, old, looking/noticing - nothing to make an issue out of, as far as I'm concerned.
I look. Like you said, men are visual. however, I think that if men are going to look, then it should be accepted that it is ok that she looks too!
What is wrong in that? If you appreciate other's beauty then I do not think there is any harm.. It is a natural tendency of men looking at other girls while being in a relationship.. SO its allright..
My wife will point out eye candy for me and I do the same for her.
I don't mind the man I'm with 'looking' at other women. It's coveting (on an emotional level) and being in love with another that would hurt me. But even then, you can't force someone into only wanting you - these things are given freely.. no use forcing or demanding them
if you reward honestly with punishment, your husband will never be honest.
Guys have a problem with looking more so than women. there are reasons why this is true but not justification for doing it.
first lets explain the reason so many men have this problem.
1. during youth our culture encourages the lack of sexual self restraint in men, while at the same time discourages women.
2. men are biologically designed to plant seed in many women so this sex hyper system has a tendency to get out of hand easily when allowed to.
3. the sex drive chemical hormones that seperate men from women are higher in men than women and need more control.
4. there are more women dressed sexually in the public than there are men to bait the eye.
So how do we fix this?
1. masturbation and sex spikes the testosterone which sex charges and feeds the brain addiction. so even though it lowers the liklyhood of prostate cancer, it throws gasoline on the flame. If you think only impure thoughts are capable with masturbation you are mistaken; musterbation and sex are the same thing.
2. even hamburger commercials show sexual things to trigger the addiction so secular tv is a no go. you may not even be aware of the implanted suggestion. internet, secular movies. avoid public areas where secular dress is expected, because women dress has become so sensual most modest women dont realize how sexual they are to men and their affect. a bikini is legal underwear, do not think God will just judge the drug addict, the drug dealer is just as much to blame
3. if you are not feeding the spirit in you, you are being fed by the world, because we live in the world. read the bible daily and pray daily.
If you remember these three things your man will be able to maintain himself.
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