"The Big News"! Men find insecure women more attractive than secure women. Do you agree?
What traits do you find attractive?
Not necessarily ! I would much rather talk to a women who is secure with herself than one who is not. No more questions such as "Does this make me look fat?". If a man chooses to talk to a women it is because there is something about her that he finds attractive. Now there is a wide variety of attracters, but the most "popular" of these is appearance. Personally, I like a women who carries herself well. She doesn't regret the choices she has made in life and is overall happy with where life has taken her.
A colorful contrast between secure and insecure women in an effort to determine what men think is hot. Is confidence or insecurity more sexy? read more
Not me. I find self-confident women attractive. I think, if a man himself is insecure, it could be true.
Not to be a cynic, but could be the subtext there that men like an insecure woman because they're thought to be "easier"?
I personally would rather have, and am more attracted to, women that are secure. I've dated insecure women and it almost always ended badly. In the better cases they became secure during the relationship and we ended up parting as better people but more likely it was just a game of how long we'd let the drama build before it boiled over into a disaster.
I think Yanniz hit the nail on the head! The poll has a very skewed perspective on the matter. It's not so much that men LIKE or even PREFER insecure women, it's that the poll happened to hide a secret about the men answering the question. I know of people personally who always date insecure women and in the end, a real relationship never forms. The women never become attached and thus romance is never sparked, but at the same time, the man is left unsatisfied and wondering what he has done wrong. This feeling then grows into an insecurity, where he begins to think: "does she not like the way i look?", "do i try too hard?", "maybe she just doesn't like putting labels on things.", "am i ugly?", "is it my personality?". Presto! Now the man is insecure as well.
As for why the insecure men continue to go back to the insecure women? Well, it's obvious, they're more compatible. It's a never-ending cycle.
a rather interesting question,
i think it may really depend on where the insecurities lie
if it's constantly, do i look fat in this? this could be a real down fall
but some forms of insecurities are cute
I think it is reasonable to conclude that a man would feel that he could more easily manipulate an insecure woman than a secure one. That may make here attractive in the sense that she is easy prey but not necessarily more attractive in a physical sense. We nornally see people before we get to know them and it is not always apparent whether a person is secure or not based on just visual appearance. So in that light, I don't know that the attraction that you speak of is as much a visual sense as it it a conclusion made after meeting the person. There are many secure women who desire to meet men just as much as any insecure one might. The difference is the secure one may know better where the line is that she does not want or need to cross. That means she will require more time and effort to attempt to manipulate so some guys just go, "I'll pass". From my perspective, if a woman is attractive, whether she is secure or insecure is not of importance...although I perfer secure. WB
I disagree. Women are exactly the same as men in this respect. The weak prey on the insecure. The confident seek out the confident. That being said, I think many young women are very insecure. But they aren't born that way. Little girls in society have been taught from an early age (by parents, school, and TV) to believe that they are idiots. Some fall for it while others are immune. The magazines, novels, and TV for women are stupid and subconsciously make women feel stupid. I have noticed an ugly backlash over the past decade or so in the form of unabashed narcissism by both sexes that is equally as irritating--mostly because narcissism is only a mask for insecurity. I have two daughters (with a third on the way) and I lay the same expectations on them as I do my son: to have self-respect and confidence.
Good question. I myself am somewhat insecure, so I prefer someone self-confident and secure.:-)
I agree. Most men are too insecure themselves to be comfortable around a strong, secure woman. Those men are fools, by the way.
I think the study is using words that don't necessarily explain the phenomena. Men like to feel strong and powerful in the eyes of women. They want to feel needed. It's really a biological thing. If a man feels like the big strong protector he will feel more confident in himself; thus, he will feel more attracted to the woman who makes him feel that way. Now, that isn't to say that men like to hang around clingy, needy women. Men probably like women they feel are self-contained and live their lives gracefully, but they don't want to be with women who don't need them. This is the stigma of our age. Women no longer really need men for anything except to have them around and donate sperm, and this isn't enough for men. The best thing a self-confident, self-contained, independent modern woman can do is pretend she really needs the guy she's in love with. Let him open the door (because doors are just so darn heavy). Let him pay for lunch. Its sounds kind of anti-feminist, but these little gestures mean a lot to guys. Women have pretty much upgraded out the need for men, the least we can do is throw them a bone.
Definitely an interesting question. I would agree with what's already been said. If the man is insecure then he will be attracted to a more insecure woman.
@Old Empresario is definitely right when he says that girls are conditioned to be vulnerable. That whole virgin/whore complex can definitely lead to vulnerability.
I think most men will say that they do not prefer insecure women but if you don't come off a little insecure then they aren't interested. I think guys just like a challenge. They want to feel they are adding something to your life and if you are too confident and self assured then they do not see what they can add. But that doesn't mean they want a total basket case either. Of course, everyone is an individual so there are guys out there that feel different ways to different degrees.
I disagree. Men do not find insecure women more attractive, they find them more vulnerable, the perfect prey to be used, abused, and dominated. So, no, men do not find insecure women attractive; predators do.
Yes becuse they are willing to do more and will take more b.s than secure women.
They might have a crush on shy women, but insecure?, I don't think so.
I am inclined to believe that men can control a woman who is more insecure about things. I have found a lot of guys are allergic to strong-minded independent women who are able to take care of themselves.
Then there are men who today are finding their place undermined in society as women are opting less for marriage, or children - in favor of a career and a paycheck - and independence. So I sympathise with lots of men as they are finding their role a wee bit uncertain, and as culture changes, and traditions change and give way to new trends, men have to become different role models to attract women.
Women still want men who are strong and protective and who are honest and with good prospects. Women think about things like that.
Insecure can also mean young and inexperienced - or living a protected life or under-realised or under-fulfilled.
A great question!
Yes, insecure women quite simply make men feel better. It gives men power, purpose, and meaning.
Although, you won't find men becoming lustful or infatuated by insecure women as often. (Though I would say that the sadist in everybody smiles a little at the thought of it)
Yehha! If the chick is insecure you have the oportunitie to cheer her up and feel more superior hah.
Insecure women are not attractive to the average intelligent, mature, and self-aware man. Such men value women who are their intellectual and emotional equal. Insecure women are often needy, dependent, and want to be taken care off-and who needs that! read more
Some, not all, men find insecure women more attractive because some have the desire to feel superior in some ways to women. With an insecure woman, he can feed upon her insecurities, and in a way become her protector, or some other role where he can show that she needs him.
Okay, so when I first got married I was VERY insecure. I was always hesitant to make a decision or do anything really. Well our marrige headed straight downwards. He ended up having to go to Afghan and while he was gone I decided that I was over being Insecure about everything and I gained my voice during his deployment. When he got home and till this day our marrige has never been better. I belive that he loves seeing me have my own opinion, love my body, and at times yell. Haha. Sounds crazy but I belive men need a woman to be a little firm and outgoing. Also, he repects me ALOT more. Best turnaround in my life.
A guy I dated years ago when I was in my teens, told me years later that as attracted as he was to me back then; because I was more independant, he went after this other girl, who he ended up married to. He's now unbearably miserable with her, but his comment on why he didn't pursue me, was, he said, due to the fact that she was more needy. He said that she needed him more, and because I was so independant, he didn't think I needed him. So yes...I think men definitely opt for the more insecure woman, because men like to feel like they can fix things for you, even if you don't ask. If there's nothing for them to fix, it seems like they don't know what to do. Rare is the guy who is interested in a secure woman, and usually, I find the ones that are interested in her, are the ones looking for a suga-momma - who are not secure in themselves.
Yes, I think security/insecurity is much more complicated than we realize. It's easier to say "I prefer secure, I prefer insecure..", but it all depends on how a person feels, how secure he is himself. The law of attraction is not an EXACT SCIENCE.
I do find, unfortunately, that I find myself attracted to insecure women- but it's perhaps because I want to cure them of their insecurities and make them love themselves as much as I would love them. Also, it may actually be an attraction to an air of innocence which often accompanies insecurity. It makes me upset to admit this, too, because I am a lesbian and a feminist. However, I do also find myself attracted to women at the other extreme- unequivocally confident and proud.
I am glad to hear this answer - the fact that you are a lesbian does not bother me, but the fact that you find insecurity attractive resonates with me. Insecurity in men, women or children evoke the feelings of empathy and I am very big on that.
I don't agree with that. I believe most men are attracted to confidence. In my experience only controlling, abusive men prey on girls/women with low self-esteem so they are easier targets.
For me, an attractive woman is someone who is secure, who knows her real worth ,honest and faithful. . .
But I also want to reach out to those insecure women, and show them how beautiful they are:)
Depends on the man. When a man is less secure, he prefers the less secure woman because she's easier for him to handle, because he's lazy and she's less work. If a man is more secure, he will seek out someone to partner with who is more like him, and prefers the confidence.
But....I know couples who are attracted to their opposites. With that said, who knows and who cares? To each his own.
This differs from person to person so is not really possible to generalise.
Some confident men like confident women, while some confident men prefer insecure women.
Some insecure men like insecure women, as they don't want to a woman to look better than them, while some insecure men like a confident women who will take the lead.
It also depends on the cultural background, mentalities they were raised with from their family, if they have religious ideologies and traditional ideas about the family and home, even age group.
So many factors come together to determine whether a man prefers a secure or an insecure woman.
As I said at the start, trying to generalise on a point like this simply is not possible, as we are diverse beings with diverse and varied interests.
definitely, not I find secure women much more attractive.
That depends on what their motive is! If you live alone, be, careful. I thought that years ago, until I got tired of guys using me for my hard heard money. They were too lazy to get work and I was falling into a endless pit of supporting them and still, not able to buy things I needed and wanted out of my own pay check. Men are cute, sweet, smooth talkers, and will take you off guard because you have feelings for them, they know it, and they use it to their avantage. Going by your photo. You are very pretty. Be selective in making choices. Its a 'yes' and 'no' situation. Check you personal feelings, what do you want out of your relationship, besides the 'sex'.
I agree with you, it really depends. Being selective and wise is a very solid advice. The motive - yes, that is the first thing to figure out. As I was told by a psychologist - everyone has an agenda. Think before you leap. How very true.
I would have to agree with Jarn. In my younger days I would have to say that I was a bit of a womanizer, and unfortunately it's true. I always looked for the "insecure" or "damaged" woman, because they were more easily influenced.
as an adult I married a very strong minded and opinionated woman.
A sincere man looking for a lifelong mate would probably want a secure, got it together woman, he can count on for her part as much as she can him. If they should seek insecure woman the words controlling and dominate come to mind. Actually insecure in regard to him as well.
I say it is all preference, as many things are. A man can find both insecurity and confidence sexy. There is nothing wrong with either or.
I think some men do. And to some extent most people will try to approach someone who is less intimidating, which insecure people tend to be.
In my opinion, men are turned-off by insecure, clingy& needy women. Jealousy is also a big problem & is also a turn-off for men regardless of how pretty a woman is. Here in Miami it's ridiculous! I've seen women drag their man inside a store whenever they see a pretty woman walking by. I also notice a trend. Married women are the most jealous ones. I used to work for a male attorney. His wife worked at the same firm. She would never hire female employees. Clients would come into the office and joke around about it. Totally ridiculous!
No, I won't say that. Some men might find the idea of protecting a damsel in distress, attractive. But that is more to do with a male ego thing, then actual attraction.
Men are more likely to be attracted to women who are smart and independent, because, strong and independent women, make better mothers, then damsel in distress. That is why Natalie Portman and Emma Watson are consider the most attractive, despite there are many other female celebrities in Hollywood that are just as attractive. Because Natalie Portman got a PhD and Emma Watson went to Havard.
But on a male ego thing, men like to be the stronger one in a relationship and somebody capable of protecting their wife/girl friend, when she needed. On the other hand, a lot of women, like men who are more competent then him, somebody worth for her to submit to his leadership. This become a bit as a conflict for some men, especially those who are not well educated or are loosers. They like the ego they gain from protecting a damsel in distress, but they are more attracted to strong and independent women. It is complicated. Although men who are rich and successful are more likely to be attracted to strong and independent women, because, they are just as successful or more successful then her, so there is nothing for him to feel intimdated for. Guys who are loosers, are more likely to be attracted to damsel in distress.
Some men do not want to be overshadowed by a woman who is more successful than themselves. Shows insecurity in their own self image.
I think it's easier for a man to go after insecure women because they are easy prey.
I disagree. Men always quit when they are satisfied with them...
It depends on a lot of things. Not all men are one way, not all Africans are one way... and, so on. People aren't black and white; there's a lot of grey in there.
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