If you are insecure is it unrealistic to expect your partner to boost your ego?
Some very successful people never get over feelings of insecurity for no explainable reason. Many famous actors and musicians and others eventually turn to drugs and alcohol to mask their insecurity.
When we look to our partner to 'boost our ego' we are, in couple's counseling terms, going to our partner for validation. This produces 'borrowed functioning' which can get very debilitating to a relationship as it develops a negative pattern that becomes exhausting and frustrating. There is a thin line between 'support' and 'propping up'.
Not at all- one of the most potent source of low moods and lack of confidence is a crippling sense of insecurity. Having a partner who is able to recognize this , support growth is vital. Kind words, ego boosts, compliments all need to be offered mutually.
However one of the big problems on relying on outside sources of confidence boost is that it is a bottomless pit. If one doesn't grow their own sense of self motivation and self confidence even the support of partners will not be enough. We develop a internal 'filter' where we assume our partners supportive statements are just vacuous statements meant to give us a boost and soon they wont have the same impact as they have initially.
I feel a healthy relationship should be mutually supportive in a way the couple grows in confidence together and can also be independently confident of their abilities.
I think that it is important to first talk to our spouses about what their insecurity is from the start- weight, lack of money/education, or whatever may be the case. From there you can help them to come up with ways in which they can work on boosting their self confidence. Meanwhile, I think it's ok to help boost their ego a little bit by remembering to over up kind words and compliments.
I think that we do want to avoid getting into an area where we start to become enablers though. You don't want to create situation where he/she will constantly look to you for validation.
Unrealistic? I wouldn't say that in that person's mind that it would be but it is not something that anyone else can do for you. I know this first hand. I was always insecure about everything the majority of my life. In my mind, someone/anyone could help me out of it. In actuality, I had to find it in myself.
Even the beginning years of my marriage. I married him because I trusted him, yet I couldn't completely "trust" that he wouldn't move on. That I was really lovable. That is where the problem was. I didn't think I was lovable. So, why would he stay with me? After all he was a musician and had women throwing themselves at him all of the time. What was to stop him from breaking down with that kind of temptation?
I wanted and needed "HIM" to reassure me. Yes, he could say it and at that moment it would mean something but I had to believe it myself. I had to realize that I was lovable and that his commitment to me was because I was lovable. That he did in fact love me. Therefore I was worthy of love.
So to answer the question it is not unrealistic to want it. It may be unrealistic to expect it. The partner may be unable to supply it. The partner has his/her own issues and this may be one for them. We are all insecure in our own ways, expecting something from someone may be unrealistic because that person may not be able to give it.
A look at why it's unrealistic to expect your partner to boost your ego if you're feeling insecure, and some of the damage that codependent behaviors can do to a relationship. read more
Some experts, like John Gray, have said that 80% of our problems come from 20% of our experiences. I tend to think he's right - and insecurity can fall into that category.
It's not unrealistic for a person to want and sometimes expect their partner to boost their ego, but if they're unhappy if they don't have a steady supply of ego-support from their partner then yes, they're probably being unrealistic and will find more unhappiness. They aren't simply insecure about something. These are people who have low self-esteem, which is not the same thing as being insecure.
I discovered some interesting information about how many people believe they benefit from using Facebook and social media to boost their egos, but that it often has an opposite effect in the long run. (I wrote about it at http://jellygator.hubpages.com/hub/Surp … elf-Esteem .) I think a similar effect happens in relationships where one person is emotionally needy.
I don't think its unrealistic to expect your partner to boost your ego. However, when low moods and lack of confidence occur, the best person to boost your ego is yourself.
We all have insecurities, right? While it's nice if your partner compliments you and makes you feel special, it's not right or fair to expect them to boost your ego. It's an inside job that some people never get right.
Being human beings, we are always affected by thoughts and people around us. People tend to give excuses for turning to drugs as temptation lead them toward that direction for escape. It is only your own decision that leads to it. Feeling insecure can just be an excuse as many who took drugs are mainly coming from peer pressure from work or friends. But one thing for sure, it is you who decide your own fate. Others may turn to drugs for challenge or getting some kicks but never think of the consequences.
It is through communication between husband and wife that can make one realize that ego is nothing as compare with LOVE.
No that's wrong, most successful people do know how to control there emotions. I have hub for that, you might like reading it:
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