Why is it hard to accept happiness?
I've always had the problem of not accepting the happiness I receive in life. Why is that? Why can't I just shut up and be happy?
Maybe it is for you view the happiness as always having an end, and therefore possible sadness from the result of it eventually leaving. Or it might be that the sadness in life is what really defines you. Perhaps you feel that your sadness and the strength you achieve in dealing with it, inhibiting it from destroying you, is one of the "powers" of being you. If happiness enters the picture it can disrupt your cravings for sucessfully navigating termoils.
At least you are coming to terms with your emotions, and that is 98% of the hardest part. You hang in there Crazed.
When you figure that anser out...let me know. Maybe my problem is the same. I have always had a hard time just being happy with what I have. When I realize I am happy, I always start to worry and make thigns go wrong because the happiness "has got to be in my head no way could I really be this happy" My only advice is to think positive. Your life is your own and only you can define waht your happiness is, what your life is about, and which direction you want to go in. Don't be afraid of happiness, everyone deserves it. Cherish it. Each good thing in life brings up happiness, joy, love, hope. Yes bad things happen but don't anticipate them. Roll with punches but don't wait around for the negative to happen. Because even if it does, its all about of lifes little lessons
I think happiness is difficult to accept, because we don't trust it. It brings to mind the adage, "if it seems to good to be true, it probably is".
When we are children, we are told if you are good, you will be rewarded. We are taught good behavior with rewards. But, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. As young children we are punished for imperfect behavior. Time outs, the silent treatment, avoidance, disapproving looks and occasionally a spanking all remind us of our inadequacies. By the time we reach adolescence we are struggling to fit in with our peers. By that time, we are acutely aware of our shortcomings. Whether our shortcomings are real or imaginary, they impact our self-confidence in a negative way.
Associating happiness with feeling deserving often thwarts our ability to trust the authenticity of long-lasting happiness. At best, it feels as if it will be snatched away with our first transgression. We don't trust that we truly deserve to be happy. We long for permanence.
I believe our best chance at happiness is to relinquish the idea of permanence. Nothing is forever, not even us. If we can learn to enjoy the happiness of the moment, for what it is, we develop a mindset that is generally more content, relaxed and open to happiness for however long it lasts.
Oh my, Amy. This is a very well written answer to a very difficult question. I appreciate your time to answer this, very good reasons are brought to light.
Thank you, sweet Aubrey. You are a valued friend to me.
You are a valued friend too!! You just had the best answer that I related to. Good job!
I have not had the priviledge of meeting you, so I cannot say, but some people know their happiness is by some ill-gotten gains, hence their conscience will not allow them to enjoy it.
Then there are those who see the suffering of others around them and feel joy is not something they should be feeling in light of those hurting around them. Therefore, guilt is another obstacle to "happiness".
Then again, the Holy Bible states, "With greater wisdom comes greater sorrow." Perhaps you are wise enough to see things for what they are and empathic enough to feel the pain of others, hence "happiness" remains just out of reach?
All things aside, "happiness" is just a temporary emotional state of mind, whereas true "joy" is a state of being. I only know of One who can give the gift of joy, hence it must come from God.
Best wishes - C.J.
So you don't believe that one can reach a state of perpetual happiness? That is, in any aspect of their life?
No...not really. And, even if someone could...should they? How can someone feel perpetual happiness with so much suffering and sin around them? And, ultimately, how can someone feel perpetual happiness knowing that someday it will come to an end?
In Haiti, here, I see many individuals able to put the pain behind them and get on with life, facing the next moment, the next day, the next joy or the next sorrow with simple acceptance. I feel humbled.
I am always looking at the happy side as I tell myself that there is no reason to be sad. You do not gain anything of being sad so why not be happy instead.
Other people have given some of the possible reasons, so I won't add the same possible reasons to all those. There's on reason, though, that I've always kind of suspected about some of the people I know who seem to be unwilling/unable to just be happy with something. I've often wondered if these people have almost been conditioned to believed that "just being happy" equals being childish (or even "stupid" or "uncool" - since "being easy to please" would seem to hint at being "easy going" and having low standards). So, to me, based on those people I know (and have only guessed about), it seems like they're too insecure about their own self-image or image they portray to just relax, be themselves, and be happy with something nice.
Separate from above, there are (you and everywhere else here probably already know) people who have depression and/or anxiety, and can have trouble overcoming some of the less-than-positive or optimistic thoughts that can come with those conditions. Somebody might be absolutely thrilled with something, but having those gloomy/pessimistic thoughts can just be there because the person has something like depression (maybe even a mild case) or anxiety that makes those thoughts have a "bigger presence" for the person.
CrazedNovelist - I really want to help you, so I am not going to write a long answer because you will probably not do it anyway. So here it is...just listen to yourself..."why don't you just shut up and be happy." Don't make it if hard, or talk yourself into believing it's hard...instead think "this is easy, I want to be happy, who cares about things that didn't work out in the past." Those were learning experiences - now move on.
easy.. lower your expectations and be simple. maybe you don't know how to appreciate the things you have. Try helping less fortunate people maybe from them you'll learn how to appreciate.
Perhaps you allow the negative people around you to taint you? This is a common things when you have negative family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. They can't be happy for you and you get trained to not enjoy the happiness that you create or that which comes your way.
Perhaps you have had a lot of hard knocks in life which is quite common and you can't get out of thinking negatively. Perhaps you haven't seen anyone else around you genuinely happy? If either or both of these are true, you are simply out of practice and need to work hard to make sure that more happiness comes your way.
You have posed a very interesting question, thank you.
I can only offer other questions in return, hopefully giving a clue somewhere along the discussion to your question.
Can you remember trying really hard at school to achieve great success? Everyone is backing you with advice and encouragement, then you manage to reach that pinnacle and savor the accolades. Maybe very, very briefly, though.
Did you then get a dampening effect from people around you saying, "hey, cool it man. Don't brag about it. Pride comes before a fall. You got there, ok, but just move on.... it's sinful to be proud of yourself."
If you can relate to this, isn't it a slap in the face? Doesn't it leave you confused and distrusting of that "happy" feeling of having done well?
I'll leave it there. Your answers are more important.
It is not that we don't accept the happiness we receive in life, but we try to hold to it, in a second we find it, we are already scarred of loosing it...but happiness is not something we are entitled to for life...it comes and it goes and it comes again....we just accept its flattering presence...just as a butterfly we catch it and keep it closed in our hand until eventually we crush its delicate wings and it dies....only thing we are left with is dust and a heavy heart....
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