Should you apologize if a friendship is at risk, even when its 100% not your fault?
When should you grin and bear it and say sorry to someone that you have a history with of many years of friendship, but that you were the one that was right and they were not, and they yelled that you were the reason that the friendship was in danger of being lost. When do you say your sorry to save something and when do you put your foot down and say they are wrong and need to fix it or not, but either way they needed to say sorry. Is it okay to say sorry when you don't mean it?
I believe that it is alright to apologize a couple of times when you feel that it will bring peace to the situation. Yes, you may have to even introspect whether what you did triggered the situation. If yes, it does make sense to apologize. Otherwise, after introspection, if you feel that you are clean and were really innocent, then I think it is time to put down the foot and stop apologizing for what you didn't do. From my experience, friendship must be based on honesty and trust. If you feel that you are apologizing endlessly and the other person has no remorse for what he/she did, then it is time to check if that is the person you want as a friend.
I agree with you, I think if you backdpwn in this scenario, and if its that clear that you are right and he is wrong he knows it too, that its saying he can get away with the behavior again. If they don't accept their wrong they won't apologzie
You can say, "I'm sorry we've had to disagree. Let's put it behind us because you mean too much to me." The point is, is this person worth sticking around with? Was this confrontation worth risking your friendship? If it was something serious and you truly were in the right and the other in the wrong yet he/she sees only what they want, it could be a signal that the person is really not what you had thought up to now.
Let me tell you about my friend: I had been going through a strange period in which my entire personality had changed for the worst and the only person who had noticed was my sister (lives in another city and sees me only on holidays). My friend was supportive and listened to me but did not have the strength to tell me that there was something wrong with me. I was going through the side-effects of some medication I was taking and hadn't realised/couldn't realise it. After two years on this medication I started having obsessions and felt people were out to get me. My friend was there but not really there. We're still friends but have grown a little apart.
Why? I realised that she was there either to get what she needed (psychological support) or cared too much about not falling out rather than being truthful.
The thing is there was no reason for it and it was one-sided and made no sense! AND the person tried to say sorry whatever you thought I said I will be careful and think about what how it will come across. Truth is they still don't know what happen
Cont. from below: the man seems to have his own problems; if he was a true friend he'd listen and try to work it out. Everyone deserves a second chance. Help her realize she deserves good people in her life. Her problems stem from her childhood.
I told her to step back and tell the truth and be rational when she said what she has to but not to apologize because whatever it was it wasn't her fault. I told her that he needs to see what his behvaior changes have done and he will get help
The arguement was because the guy friend was supposed to come visit. They were friends for fifteen years and he was bring his godson back and they were going to try to have one day to hang out since it had been many years. Once in the last year they saw each other. She had several friends out of state say they were visting and they never showed up. She has been alone battling aftermath of an abusive relatinship and the same issue with medication you stated. It actually induced personality changes that she is trying hard to get over and be herself again. She was noticing one med wasn't doing what it was supposed to anymore and stopped taking it cuz it made her sick. She has been on edge now that she is off of it controlling her emotions so when he said he had to try for another time she almost started crying and he noticed and she tried to explain it but he assumed that when she said she felt abandoned he was why and then when she thought he understood he misread a text that was just a joke and went off. Said everything he could and would hurt her as he pushed certain buttons he knew she had. Thing is they have never fought and never hurt the other lke that. She was even told that because of this one fight that he their friendhsip was up in the air. Now he snaps at her or just ignores her. She didn't do anything as the conversation was read by two neurtral parties to help her and she's devastated. Diving into a depression she has been struggling to stay out of. She doesn't know what to do because he has been the only one in her life to be there no matter what and now she feels because she is messed up because of abuse that its her fault and she isn't worth anything anymore. He is on meds to so its not like he could be off too and doesn't realize anythig but he wont talk to her and she wants advice
My dearest friend, I read what you've written very carefully and I have only this to say: when someone truly cares about someone else he/she is forgiving and goes on. She should get professional psychological help in addition to med.
She was on meds and went off for side effect, getting new ones soon. I see a therapist myself, I told her it might help her so she doesn't follow a pattern and a cycle of her own and she has to think o hersel too. I told her to let him figure it ou
ALL MY BEST TO HER AND GOOD LUCK TO YOU HERE!
If all it took was (one) misunderstanding text to put a friendship in jeopardy then it was probably on it's last legs.
A few days ago I asked the question: Have you ever written LOL (without really lauging out loud)? One person stated she uses lol or a smile face sometimes just to let the person know what she said was not intended to hurt or be mean spirited. Who knows, maybe if your friend had used :-) or lol with her text then maybe her friend would not have gone off on her. (However thats water under the bridge now.)
When it comes to relationships and friendships I'm a big fan of (mutual desire). I never try to "force" an outcome. I realize I can't control the other person. Therefore if they don't want to be involved with me I simply (move on). I understand this friendship lasted for many years but I suspect it has also had it's share of "drama" in the past. One of the dangers of not having a significant other, multiple close friends, family members, or co-workers is it limits your (emotional security tent). Your world should not fall apart simply because one person out of 7 Billion people on the planet doesn't want be around you.
abbykorinnelee, she has you for a friend. Shouldn't that count for something! It's too bad that most of us focus on what is "missing" instead of (our blessings). We could have 99 people praising us and we'll dwell on 1 person that caused us pain instead of being grateful about the 99! I suspect your friend's health would improve if she decided to just let this friendship go. Stop stressing and worrying about something she can't control.
"'Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.' - Corrie Ten Boom
If someone is doing the 'scorched earth' tactic with you as a 'friend' then it's a power play. Manipulative frenemies?
Yes, that's what friends are . At other times give em hell as that's also what friends are for.
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