How do you let go of a great friend for your spouse?
Spouse is jealous of the friendship I have with someone of the opposite sex and suspects the friend would like to be more than friends but the friend has never made an indication of that being the case.
I grew up with a guy my whole childhood. I love him like my brother. However my first husband was the type of guy that didn't think it was possible for a guy to be so close to a woman and not have feelings for her. I gave up my friend for him and have regretted it since. I am married to a better man now who wouldn't mind our friendship. Unfortunately now it is the other way around and my friends wife is the jealous one who doesn't want him to be friends with me. I wonder if it would have been the same if I had not been absent from his life for so long.
Get your spouse to get over it if you have given him no reason to not trust you. Communicate and don't give up any friends for your spouse. If he truly loves you he will let you maintain your friendships and trust you to know when to set boundaries.
Honesty is the best policy. However you do want to be clear that the ultimate decision was (yours) to make. Ultimately people do what they feel is in (their) best interest. A good or great friend will understand that you doing what you feel is best for (your) marriage.
People often ask can men and women be friends. There is usually a debate about one person wanting a relationship with the other. However I have always pointed out that even if the two people involved are strictly platonic friends like (brother and sister) there is always a chance that their spouses or significant other are not accepting of the “friendship”. This is another reason why the (men and women as friends) often does not last for eternity.
Given the choice of building a life with someone you are “in love” with or maintaining a friendship…. Most people will choose romantic love over platonic friendship. There are others who would insist that you force your spouse to accept your friendship. After all you may have known your friend before you met your spouse. The truth is there is no “right” or “wrong”. There is only “agree” or “disagree” You can't make someone like something they don't like nor can you expect to accept things they don't want to accept.
Both of you are (entitled) to have your own “deal breakers”. However if something means less to you than it does to your spouse why go to war or possibly risk them deciding to move on.
We may choose our actions but we cannot choose the consequences of our actions.
You need to have a conversation with your spouse. My ex moved back into town and we started talking. My husband showed a few signs about not being happy about it. But he didn't say anything. We started talking and after he better understood my relationship with my ex, he is perfectly fine with my ex and I talking.
During high school, I dated a guy who caused me to lose all of my friends except for his. It's one of the reasons why I do not push away my husbands friends from him and he does the same to me. If he wants his friends, he can keep them. But he cannot have sexual relations with one of them and he must only have them at the house once a week. I like my space.
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