On Tuesday, I made the mistake of snogging a good friend of mine (well, part of me thinks it's a mistake but the other part wants to do it again). We do voluntary work together and it was the Christmas get-together. She is absolutely gorgeous and a really good friend.
It was one of those things that sometimes happen after such events. We'd been to the pub, a nightclub and we were at a mate's house. We were sat on the settee and it just - happened. (cliche, I know but there you are). There was no real sexual contact, just some heavy petting. A few long-held feelings were vocalised, too.
The thing is, I am really worried that it might have ruined our relationship. I am married (I know, I know) and she is in a relationship too. We both agreed to forget it ever happened but I can't get the low passionate timbre of her voice, her fragrance or the feel of her skin out of my mind. Like I said, part of me is afraid that I've ruined everything. That we will be forever awkward in each others' company now. I will have to take her to one side and apologise. That much is definite. If I have compromised, insulted or hurt her in any way, I need her to understand that I would not normally do anything like that for the world. I don't want to embarrass her with a long speech, but I need to make myself clear. I think a simple 'Sorry and can we continue like it never happened?' may do it. She is a very confident girl (for girl she is, she is probably less than half my age) and will probably be fine. I just wish I could express the fact that I don't for an instant regret any second of it. To say that I regret it would somehow make it sound sleazy or something that I am ashamed of. Although I will never tell another soul (apart from the anonimity of this place) I am NOT ashamed of it.
Anyway, there you are. Maybe men and women can be good friends. I used to think you could but now I'm not so sure. I think this is why women like gay men so much. There's none of that tension. I wish I could turn back the clock but still have the memories.
Oh, that is a difficult situation! I dont think a man and a woman can be good friends either, hmmm, and yes youre correct about gays being freinds to women, I have five gay friends and it is awesome,,
oh wait...first you said you 'snogged' her...i thought that was British slang for having sex, but later you said you 'just did some heavy petting'.
you seem very concerned about her feelings and not the least bit ashamed, which says to me your marriage is over.
instead of endangering your wife's life, maybe you should get out of the marriage. and what about her boyfriend? how do you think he would feel if he knew what happened?
I think you should express how you really feel to her including the misgivings you feel about how this may affect your relationship with her and your wife and her boyfriend. If the relationship is one of caring for each other and your lives separately and together maybe you will both agree to forget it and move on. If she wants to be with you then you will have to figure out what is more important, her or your wife.
This is pretty much bang on. I can't really explain it but I am not prepared to end my marriage (I do love my wife but it's a different kind of love, I think - I know that's going to cause a lot of rolling eyes, but it's a subject for another thread) and I'm not prepared to compromise her relationship and happiness either. I will tell her how I feel and I will apologise unreservedly for any insult or embarrassment or hurt I have caused her and assure her that it will go no further. I am not an 'all or nothing' kind of person. I am willing to settle for friendship. I love her, it's true, but I guess I will have to shut that away inside. To me, the danger that I may have damaged our friendship permanently makes me want to cry.
And Bovine Currency? Yes, she is half my age - I am 51. I'm not some kind of cradle-snatcher. This has been a long-standing friendship that has always had an extra edge from my perspective and I think that my pouring out my feelings to her might prove more difficult to get over than a bit of kissing and fondling.
I know it's corny but the reason I chose the username 'Creep' is because it seemed to fit. The lyrics to the Radiohead song are so apropos at the moment, especially the first four lines:
"When you were here before,
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry"
I dunno. Corny, like I said, but somehow fitting.
Thanks for the advice and feedback anyway, folks. It's been so difficult not being able to talk about it to anyone.
First of all, I think you need to be honest with yourself and determine exactly how you feel about your wife and this young lady. When you're married and start something like this there is no good ending. Somebody is going to be unhappy with the final outcome. If the two of you agreed that what happened was a one time thing, then you need to stay away from her for a while, if not for good and try and reconnect with your wife. If the passion is gone from your marriage, you still need to let the young lady go, but talk to your wife about the problem. She deserves your attention now - your full attention.
I married my best friend and I'm a strong believer that specially at a younger age men and women can be just normal friends too easlily. There are always going to be some sort of curiosity on both ends. It can happen but I believe men and women wont really have a friendship like a guy to guy or girl to girl.
I don't know how you can continue like nothing happened. The title of your post says it all, you're IN LOVE, and you have both taken things to the next level so now you need to decide will you be happier together than you will with your current significant others.
think with your big head not the little one
Can't help it... it's the loss of blood flow to the big head that leads to bad decisions!
Yes! that's the reason I put on this avatar.
Men think with the little one !
With an avatar like yours Tanturm, it's a wonder I can even remember how to type!
As a general rule, I agree with you. Thats why I said it!
A girl half your age and you are married. You don't need to ask hubpages champ. This was wrong. Leave it.
I think you are in "lust" with your best friend. No need to apologize or regret...a moment is what happened. You are married and she has a partner, remember the moment and move on, stay friends if possible and no need to destroy the lives of the other 2 innocent people.
I like the avatar.
It's one of my experiments !
It's going just as I expected !
So, do you come here often?
In the words of the band Ministry,
Do you remember the need
Do you remember the lust
Did you surrender you greed or your trust?
I am looking for an older woman with money. If you don't fit that criteria, you can't have me
I'm the one looking!
what a nerve !
You should be proud, I spoted you, old cow !
LOL! I am a virile young bull. I ain't easy babe!
Tantrum, what you say you get in my coffin hauler, and we go out for steaks?
if you're unhappy in your marriage to the point where you are playing around with another woman (a woman who is in a committed relationship with another man), and you are more concerned about her feelings than your wife's, get out of the marriage. it is not fair to her.
You are right, of course. But this isn't going to happen. I am committed to my wife and our marriage. My friend and I were not 'playing around', it was a one-off event that should NEVER have happened and my major worry is that it will change our relationship. I guess it's selfish to want things back the way I wish but I never said I wasn't selfish. She never knew that I felt this way until that night. Now that it's in the open, it's all down to damage limitation. I will have to work hard not to let this mistake hurt anyone but myself. But work I will.
I have felt this way about her since we met. It is something I kept inside and would have taken to my grave. I should never have let it out. But that isn't something I can undo. She knows now and now it is up to me to try to make her understand that nothing would make me hurt her deliberately and that I am more sorry about it than I can express.
There's no-one more critical of my actions than me. You can't berate me any more than I have myself (please, for the sake of the moderators, don't try).
Bovine: It's OK, I didn't take it like that. I just saw a misunderstanding is all.
Hey, honestly... I don't judge Creep. I have done some wierd sh1t in my life. So far as the age thing,
I was sleeping with a woman twice my age. Not quite, I was 25 and she 47. It was awkward. More for her and because she didn't feel OK i didn't feel ok. So never worked out. Sorry if you took it as an insult, I didn't mean it like that. I admit I was probably careless. Anyway, good luck. I think you probably have worked out the answer for yourself, whatever that is.
I have married my best friend. I hope things work out for you.
dude you sound more like a page straight from harlequin romance books.............in any case, you are married she is in relation and you are half her age. do you even need advice???
drop everything else dude and close this deal as sson as possible. your little "exicting time " will only ruin trust and relations on both side!!
As long as both of you are into it, you need to go for it.
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by TheFrenchTraveler 12 years ago
the age ole question answered can men and women be friends, non sexual bff's? Is it possible or will some emotional attachment and love grow?
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