Is finding a true "friend" possible nowadays?
I'm very happily married to my wife and she is definitely my best friend - but I often wish there was someone else, a "buddy" I could talk with, someone I could go to when I'm down, someone to bounce things off of, open up and tell my problems to...
I have relatives I'm close to and have a few friends (mostly from work), but I've never found anyone I'd call a life long "true" friend.
Have people changed so much over the last 20-30 years that they don't have the time or have become so "unfriendly" that friendships don't mean what they used to?
Is it just me? Does anyone else feel this way ?
I know one thing for sure, making a lifelong friend takes active striving. You won't stumble into it. As a man, I think men are more activity driven than relationally driven. If you have a hobby, or are thinking about a hobby you might like to start, it'll probably be easier to find someone to spend time with that's interested in the same hobby. If I were in your situation, that's probably how I would approach it. I have a very good friend whom I share many common interests. We both like to read philosophy and poetry, go on hikes, exercise, and play the same sports. It's awesome to be able to do so many different things with the same person.
In order to have life long friendships both people have to "nurture" the friendship. In past generations it was common for people to grow up in a town and remain there for the rest of their lives. Their children went to the same schools that they did and most likely had some of the same teachers, family run businesses remained in the neigborhood and just about everyone who got married married someone who also grew up in the area.
Today people move around a lot more. Even if you made a friend at work during the age of 50 it's not likely you would (feel) as though they were a "life long" friend if their backgrounds are very different from your own. Not many people today are best friends with someone they have known since the first grade.
Men for the most part don't "emotionally invest" into friendships the way women do. I have never cried in front of my male friends or sought comforting words or a hug to get me through a rough moment. And yet I would say my two best friends over the past 35 years are like siblings to me. Although because we're 2000 miles away we rarely see one another. Men tend to save the emotional part of their lives for their wives or significant other. Maybe that's why studies indicate we live longer when we are married. :-)
At any rate very few people have those Hollywood "best friends" that are portrayed in the movies.
by Johnathan David 22 months ago
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