Is it ok to have a male friend or a female friend while you're married?

1. 59

   Rakim Cheeksposted 9 years ago

   Is it ok to have a male friend or a female friend while you're married?
   
   Do you think it would cause a problem in the marriage?

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2. 73

   Aime Fposted 9 years ago

   Of course it's fine. No way in hell would I be with someone who was so insecure he would have a problem with me being friends with a guy. My husband has female friends who I really like myself and I trust him, so I don't see the problem.

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   1. 38

      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      This^ I have treasured friends in both genders as does my husband.

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3. 69

   Tusitala Tomposted 9 years ago

   Roughly half the people in the world are of the opposite sex.  Do you really believe that once you're married you then have to deny yourself the pleasurable companionship and friendship of all those women (or men, as the case may be) you will inevitably meet between the day you get married and the day you die simply because someone might have told you 'you should not befriend a person of the opposite sex once your married?"
   
   In answer to your question: of course it is okay.

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4. 38

   ChristinSposted 9 years ago

   If friendships with opposite gender were to cause a problem in my marriage I would say the problem lies with my partner and his insecurities, not the friendships.  I would refuse to be married to someone who was so insecure they felt they had to prevent me from keeping company with half the population due to their gender.

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   1. 69

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Is it always about one person being "right" and another person being "wrong"? Could it be he just has a different relationship philosophy then your own? This would simply mean (he) is not "the one" for you? Another lady may agree with him!

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   2. 38

      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      In this case, if a person wouldn't trust me enough and would deny me having friends of an opposite gender, then yes he's wrong.  Wrong for me and wrong in general. I don't need anyone that would manipulate or control me. I wouldn't do it to him.

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   3. 69

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Isn't he just wrong for (you)? If there are women who share his same feelings about this and he got with one of them. They'd be a match made in heaven! Trying to change/manipulate someone is wrong. Finding someone who agrees with us is the goal!

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   4. 38

      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I suppose if two distrusting insecure people got together they could be a good match, but for me, red flags would go up if someone was willing to destroy their friendships and also insisting I leave mine. Red flags to me, but to each their own

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   5. 69

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Christin, You're killing me! LOL!
      Deep down you have to know not everyone is going to be a perfect match. However instead of saying they're "right" or "wrong" our search should focus on "agree" and "disagree". People who agree are much happier!

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   6. 38

      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      We're all entitled to our opinions dashing, my opinion is a person that would leave friendships or expect others to has loyalty that is at best questionable. As I said - to each their own, agreeing doesn't mean it's right or healthy

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   7. 69

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      All I'm saying is the ultimate definition of a soul-mate is finding someone who shares (your) same values! As you said "to each their own". That's my philosophy! If someone doesn't agree with us on a key issue it means they're not right for (us)!

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5. 69

   connorjposted 9 years ago

   
   
   No you must not have any friends of the opposite sex when you are married. Conn-fusius say: One must not have friends of opposite sex when married or engaged or dating or thinking about dating...
   
   Just kidding; if you truly love someone you want them to be happy, you do not want to restrict them in anyway... If it makes them happy to have friends of both sexes ( like me and my Better Half) it would be the last thing I would want to restrict...

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6. 82

   M. T. Dremerposted 9 years ago

   In general, no, there isn't a problem with it. I think a problem emerges when you're spending more alone time with this friend of the opposite sex, than your spouse. It also depends on who the friend is. For example, a married man who is friends with a married woman, that meet up in a support group, is probably fine. A married man that goes out to dinner with a single woman (without his wife present) is starting to throw up some red flags.

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7. 69

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   Only one's mate can determine if it's okay.
   Naturally the goal is to be with someone who shares your same values. Nevertheless too often people try and make this a "right" or "wrong" issue when in reality it's an "agree" or "disagree" issue.
   People who naturally agree tend to get along better. Who knew?! You're better off finding someone who agrees with your philosophy.
   
   A few problems often erupt when there are opposite sex friends.
   1. You choose a mate who is against these types of friendships
   2. Friends are kept a "secret" from your mate. (Never introduced)
   3. If all of your opposite sex "friends" are ex-lovers it raises eyebrows!
   4. Either you or your friend (secretly wants more) than a friendship
   5. If your friend's mate gives them an ultimatum they'll dump you.
   Most people would choose to be with the love of their life over being with a platonic friend. This explains why many of these opposite platonic friendships don't last a lifetime.
   At some point either you or them will fall in love with someone who doesn't want their mate to have opposite sex friends they meet up with for lunch, drinks, or whatever same sex friends do. Generally speaking not many women would want their husbands spending time with another woman "one on one" and vice versa.

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8. 55

   peter565posted 9 years ago

   It is fine providing that person is gay or in no way in hell you can be sexually attracted to him/her (relative and ugly girls)

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   1. 38

      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      So only "ugly" girls are allowed to have male friends? wow, so glad we have men around to keep us in control and in line, we sure wouldn't be able to do that for ourselves, especially if we aren't ugly enough... sigh.

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9. 70

   Old-Empresarioposted 9 years ago

   Of course it would cause a problem. Friends of the opposite sex in a marriage always lead to trouble. For one thing, men are always all to happy to have sex, whether with a female friend or anyone else. In fact, I would venture to say that this is the man's angle in having a close friend that he pursues of the opposite sex 100% of the time. If she's bugging him, it may be different. But if he's calling and texting her, he's hoping to get laid. And for a woman, it is all too easy to fall for her good friend of the opposite sex if she's married. That's because she'll never argue with her friend like she will her husband. The friend has no vested interest. He doesn't have to share a life with her. So they have no reason to fight. He can agree with her all day long and she'll love it. The husband and wife, however, will naturally come into conflict. The husband cannot compete with the male friend in this way.

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   1. 38

      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Wow, I give men more credit than that. My male friends that I am close to have never come on to me sexually and just like the benefit of a female perspective other than their wife's. I've never sought sex with a male friend either, hubby is my BF.

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   2. 69

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      A lot of guys believe if a woman initiated a kiss or flirted with a male friend they don't believe he would push her away and say: "We're friends! I don't want to mess that up!" Some women have admitted knowing their male friends would go for it!

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   3. 38

      ChristinSposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Perhaps I've chosen my friends a little more wisely? lol I don't like generalities that "all" men or women would or wouldn't do something. I think we should judge people by their character, not their gender. Maybe I'm naive, so be it.

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   4. 69

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That's why generally speaking I'm careful to use terms like "a lot of" or "some". I hate gender generalizations that include (all or always) :-)

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   5. 70

      Old-Empresarioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Christin, there is always a way to test your theory. Clearly I don't know you or your male friends, so it's safe for me to generalize. I think we can both agree that there is a certain line of friendship that can be crossed.

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10. 87

    ian 12amposted 9 years ago

    It all depends on what you intend to do with this friend....

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