What is emotional independence and does it help or hinder loving relationships?
I have no idea what you talking about just passing by questions lets see what great answers this comes up with
I think that emotional independence allows relationships to develop healthily as relationships, rather than being needy dependencies. When each partner us responsible for his/her own emotional well-being, they're both freer to give their all to each other, more able to communicate without risking pitfalls of 'taking everything personally" and then needing constant reassurance, apologies, 'proof'.
Love doesn't mean or need clinging or helplessness - and the extra care of the other person, in order to show its genuineness. Mutual respect, admiration, sharing, growing together all come more naturally when touchy, dependent emotions aren't constant concerns. Healthy self-image means the other person isn't expected to be responsible for it; - which is invariably impossible, anyway. It's a DIY responsibility.
Love this question. It can be a hindrance during the times you need your space and the other party mistakes it as you ignoring them. I think it's all about communication.
Hi midget38: Thank you for your appreciative comment. Yes communication does play a big role.
It's very much about communication and a clear mutual understanding of each person's needs. As dashingscorpio points out, it begins with choosing a compatible mate who shares one's preferences or fully understands them.
Being emotional independent is just knowing what is the root of your emotion. As for you question it depends if the said person is Emotionally Mature or not.
Knowing and doing are two different things.
I understand Emotional Independence as taking responsibility for how you feel.
That means understanding that they way you feel is the way you choose to feel and not because of someone or something else. In that sense, your emotional experience is literally independent of another's.
Example: Let's say you're in a relationship and your boyfriend doesn't call you every day. You feel angry and lonely. The Emotionally immature person would blame her boyfriend for the way she feels and might talk about him not caring about her. The emotionally independent person would accept that she chooses to feel angry and could just as easily feel sad, happy, or indifferent. She understands that it is not her boyfriends fault she is mad, but that his behavior is triggering perhaps deeper feelings of childhood abandonment and/or trauma. Being able to articulate those feelings usually goes hand in hand with the understanding.
Emotional independence may be a term someone uses to say they feel their mate is "too clingy". (We don't have do everything together or always be together) may be what they are saying.
I am of the opinion that there is no "right" or "wrong" per se in relationships. The key is always finding someone who wants what you want!
Having said that I do believe it's possible to (choose) the wrong mate for one's self. This happens quite frequently because everyone behaves romantically during the "infatuation phase" of a relationship. There is a lot of touching, kissing, hugging, making love, long conversations, laughter, and playfulness in the (beginning). Each person makes the other person's happiness (their) priority.
After there is an "emotional investment" and several months have passed that's when people reveal their "authentic selves". Generally speaking one person in the relationship expects to continue keeping romance at a fever pitch and their mate begins shutting them down, demanding space, or putting them down with descriptions of being "clingy or needy". The reality is they are just with the wrong person! Two "clingy" people would be happy with one another! In fact most of us would be yelling at them to "get a room!"
Whether your mate complains about you needing affection or that you lack it this is a sign that maybe you chose the wrong mate for yourself. Ultimately everyone wants to be loved and appreciated for who they are.
If you have to change your (core being) in order to make someone happy or comfortable chances are you made a mistake with your mate selection! With over 7 billion on the planet the odds are in your favor that whatever trait your mate hates about you another person will fall in love with you because of it.
Excellent points, with which I agree. I smile about two 'clingy' people needing to get a room. ;-) But the 'clingy' to which I refer in my comment isn't physical, but emotionally dependent, in which there's never enough reassurance to satisfy.
Thank you dashingscorpio. You have indeed raised some excellent points as Nillieanna has also said. Thank you for them. Yes the word 'clingyness' could be indeed be thought of in both ways then.
Emotional independence may be a term someone uses to say they feel their mate is "too clingy". -- by this do you mean emotional co-dependency rather than emotional independence?
It can do both. You can have high emotional independence and learn to be more dependent on others when you are in a relationship. It will be a learning process. This is actually what happened to me when I met my husband. It took years, but I finally got to the point where it helped our relationship. It's great when you can have emotional independence at work, but as a couple, you still need to show your partner that you depend on them.
Hi lburmaster: You brought up an interesting way to look at it. Thank you
Yes, each can certainly be interdependent together, meaning sharing responsibility lovingly for the relationship & its sphere, but still each be personally emotionally steady & independent, without withholding themselves emotionally from each
When you are emotionally independent, you do not cling to others for your happiness. There is enough spacing and it helps in your relationship.
Emotional independence is one of the subjects that communities would do well to teach in the public schools, above many others that are taught now.
It is essential to the advancement of humanity -- individually and for society.
My perspective comes from doing the inner work. I'd not heard the term before, but a Bing search brought up 2,520,000 results on 'emotional independence.'
Picked at random, an EzineArticle titled 'Emotional Independence' by Steven Handel says, "Emotional independence is a process in which we learn how to exercise greater control and will-power over our internal states."
(I would revise this some -- not control or will-power but merging with Higher Self, letting go of ego control.)
Steven goes on to say, "What are some effective ways we can overcome "situational happiness" and instead begin to develop our own deeper sense of "emotional independence," despite what our current life situation may look like."
To write my own answer, I did not read further in the article or the other answers given here (until this is posted.)
Without having read about or heard the term before, my sense of it from the inner work is that emotional independence also means metaphorically being the calm in the center of the storm. An advanced state of emotional independence would mean being unaffected by any outer stimuli.
Emotional dependency includes needing approval (such as on HP!)
Independence, on the other hand, is being so grounded in the present moment, in the core of being, that one can observe emotions as they pass through. Here it is well to distinguish between emotions and deeper feelings which are an aspect of one's being.
To live from a state of emotional independence, of whole person maturity, is the finest path a person can commit to.
In relationship, in my experience with Kati, we have talked about this without using the term emotional independence. Instead we talk about each of us being responsible to be complete, to be whole, to do our own inner work. Emotional maturity as I have called it, is one of the best qualities I can develop in myself -- for me, my life partner, all relationships, and for the world. No longer subject to manipulation or domination.
As we are both on a journey of being emotionally independent, Kati and I agree that it is the most supportive way to grow in our togetherness. We do not depend on each other to feel complete. So we do not draw energy from our partner. Instead, we draw energy from our own inner source.
We have let go of sentimentality and the illusion of romance and instead look at each other and say, "I see you." In this we are connected and expanded.
It is a beautiful, free, whole way to live.
Thank you for asking.
We sat in circle as observers yesterday & experienced some intensive psychodynamic work by young people from dysfunctional families and with various challenges. It dealt directly with emotional independence. Interesting to have the Q & A here
Amen! Excellent overview and in-depth grasp of the meaning of what we're talking about. Another term for it might be Maslow's "Self-Actualization".
Maslow's 'Hierarchy of Needs,' often depicted as a triangle, is interpreted in a golden spiral in my hub,
http://emanatepresence.hubpages.com/hub … hentically
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