jump to last post 1-7 of 7 discussions (8 posts)

In a new relationship where both parties have kids. How long should you wait to

  1. CastleQueen profile image60
    CastleQueenposted 4 years ago

    In a new relationship where both parties have kids. How long should you wait to meet the kids?

  2. profile image0
    JThomp42posted 4 years ago

    Never in a "new" relationship. If this were the case, people would be bringing total strangers into their kid's lives way too frequently only to confuse the children.

    I think the best course of action is to wait and see if the relationship flourishes or not. I would say to wait at least 6 months to find out if this person is willing to stick around or not. Children should not be along for the "ride" of the parents lives, but an intro-cal part of their lives. But, with this said, they should also be protected from a toxic pattern.

    1. dashingscorpio profile image87
      dashingscorpioposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      I completely agree with you JT.

  3. stclairjack profile image83
    stclairjackposted 4 years ago

    let the relationship evolve on its own, so that the two people invovled know weather or not this is something that might have long term legs,....  so many times, when children are introduced to early, people get attatched to the kids and sudenly your making descisions about your relationship that arent really based on the person your dating,... i cant tell you how many times ive heard women AND MEN say,... "i loved the kids, god i loved the kids,.. it hurt so bad to loose kids that i loved like my own,.. i held on for the kids"..... but eventauly the strain is too great and resentment builds,..... MAKE SURE your have a relationship that is first and formost built upon two peole who will want to spend the rest of thier lives together.... it may sound harsh,.. but two people sometimes have to survive thier kids! lol!... even when they are both the biological parents of ALL thier kids,.. marriage/relationships are tough,.... raising kids is hard on a relationship some times,... make sure your tough enough for it.

    time frame for introducing kids to the equation? thats VERY individual,.. perhaps a month or two, perhaps 6 months,... but do this introduction with the confidence that your not just constantly introducing your kids or (someone elses kids) to just the next person in a string of people to get attatched to and then loose.... obviously your kids and/or someone elses have ALREADY experinced loss,... dont compound the hurt if you can help it.

    i might also add that generaly, when two people meet that already have kids, the childrens ages need to figure into your choice of when to introduce a partner to them,.... do you have teens? they might handle the introduction in passing well,... or not,... smaller children tend to "latch on" and attatch themselves to parent figures and you DEFFINATELY want to be sure your not setting up little ones for another loss later,... AND lets not forget that biological parents may well still be in the picture,... they have to be delt with as well.

    It bears saying that the relationship that two single parents build together will out last the home/children structure,.... so in putting together a "brady bunch" scenario, you do so in 3 phases,... phase 1 being the delicate dating and courtship, family/children introductions etc,.... phase 2 is the time, when after making the descision to work it together rather than alone, you are all in it together, raising your kids and building a family from broken pieces,... you become a team of sorts,..... but always remember phase 3,... all parents are left behind by thier children and become the empty nest couple,.... and for parents in a "brady bunch" scenario, it will be the FIRST time theyve had the house to themselves to just be each other,...

    just so many variable in the equation,.... each situation is different and unique.... but its a great question and thank you for giving me the chance to answer it.

  4. dashingscorpio profile image87
    dashingscorpioposted 4 years ago

    I would not based my decision solely on time as much as how strong I feel the foundation of the relationship is. Are we "exclusive"? Do we have long-term plans?
    Ideally you don't to involve your children with every casual dating situation you encounter. Young children can easily become attached to those you date along with their children. Every breakup for them is equivalent to going through a divorce.
    If you're not emotionally invested in each other as a couple then it's too soon to involve the children. One man's opinion! :-)

  5. CraftytotheCore profile image82
    CraftytotheCoreposted 4 years ago

    I had a friend that met someone and soon afterward moved in with her.  I advised against it.  My friend had small children as well as his girlfriend.  What chaos it brought to the innocent lives of the children.  The relationship didn't last.  The children were heart broken when they couldn't play with who they thought would be their siblings soon. 

    I think meeting the children would be advisable after the relationship is serious enough to discuss marriage.  But don't involve the children in relationship advice or dates, no matter how old (even teenagers).  You want to make sure the person is serious enough to stick around and continue to be there so that the children don't have to feel the pain and agony of losing someone they've bonded with.

  6. leilabarda profile image60
    leilabardaposted 4 years ago

    for me there is no enough timing cause you need to ready their emotion specially

    if you are a single parent, you need to make sure that your kids will accept the new stage in their life as they are used on having you alone. and your time is very much concentrated to them. having another person in the house will surely divided your attention.

    if you used to have a husband, make sure to know how close are they to your ex husband. this is simply because comparison will arise and they will surely build a wall  so that the new part of the house will not get on their way.

    my piece  of advise....

  7. Daddy Paul profile image73
    Daddy Paulposted 4 years ago

    I would not be in a hurry. In fact i would see how a woman interacted with her kids before I met them. Same goes for women looking at men. Nothing brings out the true nature of a person than their relationship with their children.

 
working