Love: Is there still a place in the modern world for old fashioned ideas of courtship?
I recently wrote a hub about a girl having a secret admirer, and one of the commenters made the excellent point:
'The landscape of dating and falling in love has changed so much. Both genders are often reading books which teach them how to look for "signs" that someone may be interested in them. I talk to women who complain about men not approaching them and although these women consider themselves to be strong and independent they too aren't comfortable with approaching men they're interested in. Fear of rejection keeps many from finding love.'
What do you think?
Yes, times have changed. Back in the day, courtship had clear rules. Now, not so much. Consequently, dating can be confusing. You made an excellent point about men waiting for women to give them signs. In fact, it is worse than that. Many younger men just wait for the woman to approach them--period.
This new paradigm began with the advent of the sexual revolution... free love and all that. The problem with this is that women's hearts have not kept up, nor will they ever. Women still want to be courted, loved and protected--she always has and she always will. Women are just "wired" differently. They need romance. So even though women go after men, something inside their hearts resists this. She still wants the man to go after her. How else can she know if he is really sincere? She will not figure this out by having sex with him.
The thing is, men will almost always make themselves available for sex--no strings attached. But in most cases, women want strings. In other words, women generally connect sex with love, while with men, love is optional. Therefore, dating works best when the couple knows which way the tide is flowing. Frankly, if a woman is smart, she will not hop into bed with a man right away. Instead, she will expect some courtship and caring, not to mention reliability on the part of the man she is dating. Then she can feel safe and trusting enough to truly give of herself. Thus, the purpose of courtship is to build trust.
I very much think that there is room for old fashioned courtesy and courtship. I appreciate being treated respectfully and always do my nest to take time and take care of the men I go out with BUT I will not ask a man out and thus I go on few dates these days. Man up men and ask the ladies out. Ladies, remember grace and courtesy and don't mock the men who ask you. :-)
Yes, and I wish there were more of it in this sordid media driven world. Falling in love takes careful planning, time, and maturity. The bond in relationships is stronger, when courting is involved.
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