What would you do if someone you really liked and felt close to gave public praise to your enemy?
My neighbor asked me that question at our morning coffee chat. It rather surprised me, for I can not imagine my neighbor having any enemies. She explained that this "enemy" was once part of a conspiracy to discredit her (my neighbor) publicly, and that a good friend she has known a long time suddenly comes out with glowing praise for this "enemy". I told my neighbor the best thing to do would be to just let it go. It is possible, I suggested, that her good friend knows nothing about the incident when "enemy" once tried to damage her image. What would you do in this situation?
If the "enemy" did something good and deserves the praise, if I heard the other person praising them, I'd probably also congratulate the person. I work with people I don't like and wouldn't trust with a secret or my life, but I'm more than happy when they do something good. Why hold a grudge that tight? Being nice to someone doesn't mean you have to be friends with them or trust them again.
You can't have too many friends. And who needs more negatives in their life. You were able to look at this situation from the outside a bit and made the right call. Let it go is exactly what she ought to do, especially if the friend turns out not to have known about the "enemy."
This would not be an act of treason in my opinion especially if the praise was for a specific action or behavior the friend observed.
No one is one dimensional. It's possible for a "bad person" to do some good things. Time and time again we hear in news stories about mass murderers whose next door neighbors are shocked when the truth is revealed about them. Oftentimes they'll say things like; "Everybody liked him. He was the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it."
Unless your neighbor's friend is aware of the "two faced" personality they're only left to access this person by what (they) know.
Having said that there are instances where a friend will tell another they dislike someone without giving a valid reason and they automatically expect their friend to dislike them as well. When this does not happen they view it as a betrayal.
Long ago I personally witnessed this in the workplace. A man was generally rude to one woman and treated the other woman kindly. The woman who received harsh treatment expected her friend to hate the man even though he was always exceptionally nice to her.
"In order to be my friend my enemies must also be your enemies." When it's laid out like that it clearly seems immature.
In my mind what happened between someone else and myself has nothing to do with my friend. It wouldn't matter to me that my friend is a friend of my enemy. I can't stop someone else from liking the person I dislike. Some people aren't all bad and maybe they did you wrong, however, in someone else's eye they are a great person. So she should just let it go. What she could do is tell her friend what happened and how she feels about her talking about the person in her presence. Personally, it wouldn't matter to me and I probably would have forgiven the person anyway.
Hi. As a therapist I get this question from time to time and as with most things ... it depends.
If the good friend extolling the virtues of an "enemy" had no plans to make her a good buddy, I'd let it go.
However ... if this so-called "enemy" could prove a backstabber, I would calmly and honestly relate my experience with this person to give her a heads up.
Let me compare it. If you knew an individual tended to "lift" things from her friends' homes, would you not warn someone you cared about? The nature of the offense is such that a calm simple telling of the facts with a "but it may not happen to you ... it's just my story" would be in order.
Marnie Macauley can be reached at Liveperson.
Thank you everyone for your participation and answers. It was hard to choose just one. However, I will use all your thoughts to share with my neighbor. I think it will help her a lot. She still seems a bit jealous and hurt by the whole thing -- you have provided me with some very good thoughts for her. Thanks again, very much.
by Renee A 2 years ago
I am so tired of my friends saying, "Renee you are so beautiful, you can't possibly think you're going to end up alone." I have to keep reminding them, that I have a loser magnet! I know it sounds crazy but it is so true; for example: A couple of months ago I ran into one of my childhood...
by ezba29 2 years ago
What is the difference between friend and enemy?In your point of view who is friend and enemy.
by kallini2010 18 months ago
What is the saddest song that you know?We are not so good at identifying our own emotions. It is said that 36% of the people cannot recognize their emotions when they happen. Of course, the higher the intensity of the emotion, the higher is the recognition rate. Can you select...
by graceinus 5 years ago
Jesus said for us to love our neighbor like we love oursselves, can we love our neighbor that much?I know how much I love myself. I think it goes without saying for all of us. Jesus told us to love our neighbor's with the same amount that we love ourselves. And what exactly defines our neighbor?...
by Freya Cesare 4 months ago
“Who Are You?” Often we heard people asked. They want you to tell them who you really are. This is really simple question, is it? Or is it not?Have you ever noticed how people can come up with different answer for that simple question? And sometimes they also come up with more than one...
by Cynthia 6 years ago
How would you answer this: "I wouldn't marry him/her if he/she _________________"Even if you are already married-- just for fun-- what habit or attitude or belief or personal disclosure would be a total turn-off or what omission of that person would vote them off your island? Please...
Copyright © 2018 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|