What would you do if someone you really liked and felt close to gave public prai

Jump to Last Post 1-7 of 7 discussions (12 posts)
  1. Phyllis Doyle profile image94
    Phyllis Doyleposted 5 years ago

    What would you do if someone you really liked and felt close to gave public praise to your enemy?

    My neighbor asked me that question at our morning coffee chat. It rather surprised me, for I can not imagine my neighbor having any enemies.  She explained that this "enemy" was once part of a conspiracy to discredit her (my neighbor) publicly, and that a good friend she has known a long time suddenly comes out with glowing praise for this "enemy".   I told my neighbor the best thing to do  would be to just let it go. It is possible, I suggested, that her good friend knows nothing about the incident when "enemy"  once tried to damage her image.  What would you do in this situation?

  2. profile image0
    sheilamyersposted 5 years ago

    If the "enemy" did something good and deserves the praise, if I heard the other person praising them, I'd probably also congratulate the person. I work with people I don't like and wouldn't trust with a secret or my life, but I'm more than happy when they do something good. Why hold a grudge that tight? Being nice to someone doesn't mean you have to be friends with them or trust them again.

    1. Phyllis Doyle profile image94
      Phyllis Doyleposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      That is a very good answer, Sheila, and one I will pass on to my neighbor. You are right -- it is just not worth it to hold a grudge like that. I was so surprised to hear my neighbor tell me about this. I hope she can let go of it. Thank you .

  3. Alastar Packer profile image79
    Alastar Packerposted 5 years ago

    You can't have too many friends. And who needs more negatives in their life. You were able to look at this situation from the outside a bit and made the right call. Let it go is exactly what she ought to do, especially if the friend turns out not to have known about the "enemy."

    1. Phyllis Doyle profile image94
      Phyllis Doyleposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I so agree with your answer, Alastar. Thank you. For her sake, I hope she can let it go. That is the first thing I thought, that the friend is not even aware of the issue. I will talk with my neighbor about it tomorrow morning at coffee.

  4. dashingscorpio profile image85
    dashingscorpioposted 5 years ago

    This would not be an act of treason in my opinion especially if the praise was for a specific action or behavior the friend observed.
    No one is one dimensional. It's possible for a "bad person" to do some good things. Time and time again we hear in news stories about mass murderers whose next door neighbors are shocked when the truth is revealed about them. Oftentimes they'll say things like; "Everybody liked him. He was the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it."
    Unless your neighbor's friend is aware of the "two faced" personality they're only left to access this person by what (they) know.
    Having said that there are instances where a friend will tell another they dislike someone without giving a valid reason and they automatically expect their friend to dislike them as well. When this does not happen they view it as a betrayal.
    Long ago I personally witnessed this in the workplace. A man was generally rude to one woman and treated the other woman kindly. The woman who received harsh treatment expected her friend to hate the man even though he was always exceptionally nice to her.
    "In order to be my friend my enemies must also be your enemies." When it's laid out like that it clearly seems immature.

    1. Phyllis Doyle profile image94
      Phyllis Doyleposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for your answer.

  5. Cardisa profile image90
    Cardisaposted 5 years ago

    In my mind what happened between someone else and myself has nothing to do with my friend. It wouldn't matter to me that my friend is a friend of my enemy. I can't stop someone else from liking the person I dislike. Some people aren't all bad and maybe they did you wrong, however, in someone else's eye they are a great person. So she should just let it go. What she could do is tell her friend what happened and how she feels about her talking about the person in her presence. Personally, it wouldn't matter to me and I probably would have forgiven the person anyway.

    1. Phyllis Doyle profile image94
      Phyllis Doyleposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for participating, Cardisa. You gave  a really good answer that I think will help my neighbor. She is  a very giving person, does a lot of volunteer work in our community. I was surprised when she told me this, b/c he seem so confident.

  6. profile image31
    ASKSADIEposted 5 years ago

    Hi. As a therapist I get this question from time to time and as with most things ... it depends.

    If the good friend extolling the virtues of an "enemy" had no plans to make her a good  buddy, I'd let it go.

    However ... if this so-called "enemy" could prove a backstabber, I would calmly and honestly relate my experience with this person to give her a heads up.

    Let me compare it. If you knew an individual tended to "lift" things from her friends' homes, would you not warn someone you cared about? The nature of the offense is such that a calm simple telling of the facts with a "but it may not happen to you ... it's just my story" would be in order.

    Marnie Macauley can be reached at Liveperson.

    1. Phyllis Doyle profile image94
      Phyllis Doyleposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you, ASKSADIE. You have some very good points that I will bring up to her. I just was at a bit of a loss as to how to help. All of you have been giving really good advice and I appreciate it.

  7. Phyllis Doyle profile image94
    Phyllis Doyleposted 5 years ago

    Thank you everyone for your participation and answers. It was hard to choose just one. However, I will use all your thoughts to share with my neighbor. I think it will help her a lot. She still seems a bit jealous and hurt by the whole thing -- you have provided me with some very good thoughts for her. Thanks again, very much.

Closed to reply

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)