I am going to try to quickly articulate why I need advice.
An online friend and I had become very close. This is why I consider it a friendship, if not more.
I don't know how to cope with him backing away completely and I have said everything I can. Still no response. This is sudden and I have received no response as to why.
My gut tells me this is a permanent decision on their behalf and I feel helpless and hurt. I don't believe my friend does.
So I guess this is not a true friend and I know I have to move on but I can't help not getting closure because I don't know why.
Any advice on how to cope with the anger and hurt?
Thank you and I hope this makes sense.
If you're talking of someone in the net, people there are tricky.
Do you remember when everybody thought I was a guy ?
Well, you see, because I'm straightforward, I stopped it when I realized it was getting off my hands. But not everybody does that. You can even fall in love with a gay guy as well !. You never know! the only way to know someone is true is to look at his facebook. It his/her family's in there, then you know you can trust this person.
sorry to hear what happened! but this is not the real world. Keep that in mind !
Love you !
Tantrum thats so true thinking now that this is not the real world helps me put things in REAL perspective, thanks buddy
The only way to know if he is true is to look at his FACEBOOK?
I am sorry but somehow I just thought that was funny.
The only way to know if someone is real and true and is exactly who they say they are, is to talk to them on the phone and meet THEM IN PERSON!!!! This person could be anybody. Many people have facebook and I can tell you that they are NOT WHO THEY CLAIM TO BE, as well as their pictures being ficticious.
We are talking about Web sites relationships here. no phone. No meeting !!
the only way on the web, you can know a person is real is trough FB. and even then, you can't be 100 % sure.
so it's not funny.
you're funny, because you post without reading the OP
its hard to loose a friend real time people misslead too. give it time and dont blame yourself.
tigers too worried about the divorce and the effect on his children to contact you!!((()))
he's not worth your anger and hurt. creeps like this blow you off because they CAN.
you're better off without the idiot. i wouldn't waste another nanosecond thinking about this guy.
Sounds like kirstenblog has pretty much said all that can be said. No matter what anyone tells you, there is NO absolute way to confirm a persons feelings via the internet. I firmly believe in "womans intuition" I believe a woman is more likely to be duped on the net than in real life.
Regardless of who this person is, or might really be, you have to keep in mind that you truly are a good person with a huge heart. People with big hearts tend to lend themselves to pain more easily than those without. Please don't allow someone who's not worthy of your attention to hurt you. You've come a long way and deserve nothing but happiness!!!
Well, as much as i want to help make you feel better I have to disqualify myself.
There's a little man inside me that says: HA! NOW she'll have more time to spend with YOU!
Sorry. I know it's not nice but that little selfish man is there and is very happy I have one less guy to compete with now.
Seriously, things are weird online.
If he really wanted to be with you he would find a way to meet you.
I know that I just seem like a shy, sweet, innocent whiteboy--and I am--but I have on a rare occasion or two met women from online. Mind you, they were all from around where I am currently living but I kept in touch and kept talking to them and made an effort to meet them as soon as at least the women felt comfortable.
If he wants to meet you he will, Kim. if he doesn't want to be anything more than an online friend then it's HIS loss! There are plenty of guys right here on HubPages who would love to be with you if they could--trust me.
Stay friends with him if you wish but don't stress that he won't meet you, okay? You are a wonderful person. I can tell that much already and i don't even know you!
Just telling you how I feel.
Not trying to get into your pants.
(Mind you, not that I don't think i wouldn't WANT to BUT you Do live in Canada.)
You know what I mean.
I'm already convinced about the kind of person you are is my point.
Well I think you shouldn't have even talked to this guy. He's a liar. His wife probably came home or he thinks he has something better to do.
I gotta agree with Diskobolos. When somebody disappears like that with no response it's not a good sign. Besides, it's hurtful, for sure. Deleting every trace sometimes is the best thing to do, though it's painful. I mean, really, what kinda guy comes in your life, takes you on a roller coaster ride then disappears? Something wrong with the picture. In fact, it sucks! I remember this happened to me years ago with someone I had been involved with steadily. We spent a wonderful weekend together and , I thought, were getting closer. Then poof! I didn't hear from him for a week. I tried calling him, left a message...he didn't return the call. I then called him at work. He said he'd been 'covered up' with a project, etc. Made no plan for the coming weekend. I was very sad & lonesome that weekend, tried to stay busy, but felt sick inside. Then found out following Monday the real slammer: he answered some chick's personal ad in the newspaper and had begun seeing her! Talk about a slap in the face..may as well have rubbed crap in my face! I confronted him later, or tried to, but he just said, " I didn't want there to be a catastrophe...." Yeah, sure, there already has been! I mean, why the heck couldn't he have just told me he was gonna start seeing other people? Being up front is the best way out. Just be HONEST! I'll never understand why some think that disappearing is the best course of action. It could save a lot of hurt for the other involved if there was open & honest communication. Sure, it hurts to lose somebody, but it's much easier when you're not left HANGING, not knowing WHY..etc. etc. I'm just glad I don't have to do that anymore! Yikes...so much for sharing my past.
Sounds like the dude's wife caught him and cracked his head and the computer with a monkey wrench.
Friends on the net can be tricky. There are lots of reasons this person may be MIA. From having a family and wife n kids n all that to no longer having internet access. Thing about the net is that it is real easy to pretend to be something that we are not. If this is the case then you are not really likely to get closure since the person you need closure with is not the person at the other computer, if they are sincere and have lost their ability to be online for some reason you may just have to wait for them. Sounds like a crappy situation either way
There isn't a whole lot you can do. You're just left guessing with some of these internet relationships. They have the potential for deep connection and honesty. Other times, people misrepresent themselves in the most profound ways. But none of that should be news. I do hope you get some information, though.
Hi Kim its Pam (Beautybabe)
It's better the devil you know that the one you don't.
Excuse the choice of words, but I am trying to make a point. You should not get too attached to someone on the net, because you don't know anything about them, except what they tell you. Heed the advice of the others before me, he may be someone with a past or a wife and family. There is no way of knowing for sure, so Kim take everyone's advice, steer clear of what I said before, it isn't safe to go ahead with this. You will usually end up getting hurt, and you don't deserve any more of that in your life, you have enough to deal with my friend, God Bless and I will pray for you, your friend Beautybabe x
Pray, my friend, breathe deep and let the anger leave as you exhale. I am serious and each day will get better. Many wishes to you, I know it's hard.
Kim, I always believe that things happen for a reason. Usually, when something has happened and I don't know why, if I wait long enough, eventually I find out the reason why this has turned out the way that it did and I see things more clearly. You will also see, just wait the answer will come to you eventually, either way you will get your answer. You may or may no like it, but at least you will know why this is happening. Keep your faith up and hang in there, time will tell my friend Pam x
I had something similiar happen to me, but it was a rather strange relationship I had with this person. We got very personal, he told me things that he did not tell his wife, and we played a fantasy sort of game. A role playing fantasy game. I knew him from a chess club we both belonged to, and we played chess too. He suddenly up and disappeared, but I was able to figure out why. I said to him one day, hey, are other people able to read the conversations we have during our chess games? I knew they could not but he wasn't sure, anyway I think he was scared his wife would see. That was five yrs ago, and he still plays chess, but has me on ignore. He got scared.
Sorry to hear about it Lyrics.. it is awful when you have no control over the situation! The fact is you still have feelings left over about it and you need to do something about them. I reccomend writing then down on paper as if you were writing this person a letter about how you felt. ( write it, don't type it on the computer as it will be too much of a tempataion to send it) After you write the letter dispose of it.. tear it up, burn it.. whatever you feel you need to do to release your emotions
Hope this helps...
It's incredible how emotionally involved with folks on the Internet, and I am also so sorry to hear of this strange turn of events, Lyrics. I agree with all the replies I've read so far, babe-one more thing, if you write that letter as Ms Chievous suggests, you could put it in your God box!
What is it they say about friendships? Some are for a moment, some for a day, and some are for a lifetime. You can't control the feelings of others. For whatever reason he/she feels that this friendship has run its course. Perhaps he/she feels that their purpose has been served and there is nothing more to add. Perhaps they feel taking this friendship to another level isn't practical. The first thing you must do is find acceptance and then forgiveness. Count your blessings for having the friendship for as long as you did and appreciate how your life was touched and changed by this person, and how you likely did the same to them.
thank you everybody for your support and really helpful advice. It's helped so much.
Sometimes people on the net pose as other people. They really don't allow you to see or discover who they really are. (And I think that's already been said here). Closure comes from within. One trick is to write (pen and paper) a letter to that person expressing all your emotions. When done, read it out loud. Preferably to another person. Once done, destroy the letter. Chances are, you already know this step. And, you know it will work.
Hugs and more hugs!
kimberly, you're such an honest writer, I suggest using this as another time to unleash your emotions through writing.
I think when any relationship ends, it is not so much the person we miss, but the way we felt, the way we let ourselves feel with that person.
write, write, write, girl. hope you feel better.
I've said it once, and I'll say it again. You can never take anyone on the internet seriously until you've built a decent relationship with them, which takes time. The fact is that, just as so many others have already mentioned, on the internet you can be who ever you want. In a lot of ways it's like creating characters for a story. You make up a cool past. Become whatever you dreamed of, but could never pull off in real life. Ditch the wife and kids, and before you know it, you're a completely new person and no one will ever know the difference. Then, when the novelty wears off, you just move on and create who ever you want to be today. In other words, don't trust anyone until they have proven themselves over time.
You could always count on me!
If he ever breaks your heart, if the tear drops ever fall, I will be there before the next drop falls!
Who sang it, I don't recall
I went through complete abandonment a year ago. It makes for a very miserable Christmas. There has never been an explanation of why or a conversation to make any closure. It was like the person died one day, and there was no funeral, no anything. It makes it incredibly hard to make closure.
It sounds to me like you may be going through some of this kind of grief. What I've found out through time is that it says volumes about the other person. They were never a soul-mate of any kind, they were an imposter. A soul-mate would never do what has been done to you or me. In the end, the grief is about the imposter: the anger that we were so easily decieved and didn't see the signs until it was all over in an instant. The grief is about missing all the good things, but in fact they didn't really exist, they were a deception.
There will be a point down the road where, after the grief and anger start fading, that you'll be glad you don't have to deal with such deceiver and imposter. And it's because there is someone else on the way. But in order for that to happen, you have to lose the baggage and clean out our heart and make room for that person.
They always show up when they're supposed to.
This is very encouraging and uplifting! What a thoughtful and deep thing to say to someone who is hurting. Wonderful.
I think you should just take the best out of this and move on. Some people just want to control others by withdrawing or cutting off all contact and affection with no explanation at all and then they will try and make a comeback and connect with you again. They operate on the connect-disconnect pattern.
So if that person does try to make a comeback intp your life after a while, then do not let them. Also do not beg and plead for explanations.
We all need to learn to ensure that we are centered and no matter who comes into our life and who leaves it- we remain stable.
This is an excellent observation and glad you brought this up. It is true what you say above [Some people just want to control others by withdrawing or cutting off all contact and affection with no explanation at all and then they will try and make a comeback and connect with you again. They operate on the connect-disconnect pattern]. Though, sometimes, those who disconnect are never heard from again. But if they are on a true 'power trip' they will reappear. That's when one must be strong and not let the person back in again because the pattern will be repeated and you will be left feeling empty & betrayed again.
Lyricsingray, I always find it interesting how quickly people are to criticize internet relationships. The only thing the internet does is make it easier for someone to be creatively deceitful. These same people exist in the real world and say and do deceitful things as well. If anything I think the internet tells you more about a person, but you have to be alert to catch it, and like someone else said earlier, it takes time. Lots of time, to get to know someone.
I have been hurt by internet relationships (I have a couple of hubs about them), but I've also met my husband online. So, it's not all bad.
I've watched you in the forums and you're a tough cookie, this has hurt you, but it won't slow you down. Something better is definitely heading your way.
For the poster who couldn't remember who sang the song...it's a Freddy Fender song..."Before the Next Teardrop Falls".
A relationship over the internet, regardless of how real it might feel, is never a full reality. Your feelings are geared towards someone's writings without ever having met the person - and sometimes the person behind the words is no one you would be interested in if you met them in real life.
The internet, while it appears to be open, is very concealed. Zeroes become heroes and the shy become boisterous. Not many are as they are in real life.
My guess is that something in real life changed for the person you were talking to, causing them to change their pattern. Don't take it as a slight as you never met in person - but do feel that you have the right to as them privately what changed, provided you can accept any answer given.
If words on the internet were enough to constitute love then I would have fallen head over heels with many women on this site as they can write with such articulate beauty at times, and many show great compassion for others (a real life quality that matters to me). However, when I turn off the computer the internet dissolves away, leaving the real world for me to deal with. As such, I contain my emotional involvement with the internet and consider my online com padres on the internet as close social friends I will never get to meet - abandoning any thought that I might actually meet them in person.
Still, it doesn't mean we can't all be friends - and it most certainly doesn't mean we can't be there for one another in times of need. We just need to be honest with ourselves and realize these are people will never meet, which curtails us from any true emotional bond transcending beyond a really good friendship - unless one is so lucky to fall for a hubber that lives nearby.
I know (myself) I haven't been online much as of lately, but that's due to the holidays being a very busy time for me. Still, I intend to get in touch with my online friends more after the holidays, as I do have an interest in how it all went for them - and I'll hope and assume they will do the same!
Don't fret, Kimberly ... I (and many others here) think your a great gal! If ya didn't live so far away I'd bring ya some of grandma's special spiked eggnog - guaranteed to drown any problems that might befall ya.
Wow. I can certainly feel your pain. It's happened to me in the past. Isn't it a bummer when somebody leaves you hanging? It's a "limbo loss" and these losses can sometimes be the very hardest to get over. Mainly because one doesn't really know "why". It sucks to be left hanging. My advice to you would be to do absolutely nothing. Don't contact him, don't send him email, text, nothing. When someone drops out of your life like that, it's like a slap in the face, a casual brush-off that is demoralizing, to say the least. Especially if you shared many private things....things you believed were special with the 2 of you. Then a casual "oh never mind..." disappearing act! Actions speak louder than words. Sadly, many people we care for disappoint us in the most demeaning manner. Closure is important. Perhaps the silence can be the closure you desire. You are a worthy person full of care. You don't deserve to be brushed off. Keep busy, hang out with friends & go watch Thelma & Louise!
Thank you Yoshi and donotfear, it's nice you took the time to help me. I appreciate it and am feeling better. xo
Er, maybe go out and meet some people? People who live near you, work in the vicinity, have roots in your area, are connected. Disconnected virtual relationships are fraught with fragility. They're switched on and off like a light.
Its Fatsz. I got close to this guy once, like using msn. we talked for like 2 years. I discovered he had a "feeling" for me. It was so awkward! I was like, erm dude fffuuuuckkk of; and he did..Forever
He probably had a wife xD
and she discovered he was talking to this pretty young girl <3
and then she murded him and flew to Pakistan
I'm kidding or am I?
Get over him! He's not worth you babe X He would've chat with you like for eternity but when you wanted him badly he turned his back on you. Thats what you call unloyal.
Leave him in Pakistan , He can die there mwu hwu hwa hwa!
But seriously, he's probably a nob. While you go over the obstacles in life, you'll find TRUE mates and then you'll forget about him. Why not try forgetting about him now?
I did not mean funny as in the situation, my apologies, funny that many people believe that FB is authentic. Not funny in that someone is hurting. Sorry. :*(
For those of you who have commented......Lyricsingray devoted a HUB to this precise relationship?
Just in case you were wondering...Check it out for yourself!!
Sometimes people don't have the time to go online or there are tech issues that prevent them from going online. And if that happens, and the person doesn't have your cell # to reach you, you might not hear from him for a while. And from experience when the person doesn't contact you for a while that really hurts, regardless of the reason why.
What's hard about meeting someone online, even just to be friends, is that you never know what kind of person that person really is. He can write anything (regardless if it's true or not) just so you like him/her.
If the person doesn't want to be friends anymore, and he is a nice person and not some heartless creep, he/she will tell you that it's over, hopefully also being honest as to why it's over. However that is not always the case.
I've been in a situation where I met this guy and everything was going great and then all of a sudden, out of the blue, he breaks up with me, tells me it's over. I ask why and he comes up with answers that make no sense at all. I have this feeling that he is lying about why he chose to break up with me. And that hurt me more than the actual breakup. And it still bugs me as I try to put things together and figure out what went wrong.
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