What would be your response and why?
If a dear friend invited you to a social event in their home and you are aware that several people you seriously dislike will be there....
That's tough. First, I'd be honest to my friend. That he/she shouldn't expect me to really mingle or stay too long. I would attend for his/her sake - but I can't promise all smiles!
I would probably politely decline and say I have a previous engagement or something so as not to hurt my friends feelings or put her in an awkward position - unless of course it was going to be a large enough event that I could interact with others and not have to be around the people that I disliked. bleh - social functions lol good luck.
I think it would depend on the reason(s) I seriously disliked the other attendees. There are a few people I know in this world that I wouldn't go near even for my dearest friend.
However, close friends have (or should have) our best interests at heart and don't expect us to do something that will make us unhappy--not even for an event they're hosting. At least, if I were in the host's shoes, that would be my reaction.
Explaining to the friend why the event would be ruined for me should be all that's needed to soothe any possibility of hurt feelings. That's the ideal, of course. Whether or not it's realistic depends on the temperament of the friend. If she or he is the very sensitive type who takes personal offense when none is intended, a last-minute 'excuse' may be the right approach. (Did I say 'little white lie?') Whatever was needed, I still would not go. Life is too short to expose one's self to emotional pain or severe angst when it can be avoided.
Jaye you said a lot of good. I say "I'm sorry I have other plans. Maybe another time." My other plans may be to sit in front of the TV with a bowl of popcorn, but they don't need to know that. Or, "Something's come up. We'll talk later. Have fun."
Jaye....You've lived up to the "wisdom" part of your name.....very logical decision and your reasons would certainly be acceptable. Some people make popcorn seem like more fun!! LOL
I have this come up a lot. As JayeWisdom said, a lot depends on why you don't like the people, what kind of temperament the friend has, and the dynamics of the friendship. It also depends on the event - A wedding, party, shower, meal with friends? If it's a wedding, I would take it more seriously than having dinner at the friends house or an unimportant party.
I ask myself, will it be more harmful to all involved for me to suck it up and attend? Or if I stay home?
Can I be in the presence of these people without conflict?
Can I be gracious or at least cordial?
Will it cause great emotional discomfort for any one involved?
To answer your question, after considering all these factors, if I decide not to go, I need to decide a way to tell my friend in a way that is least conflict producing and the most honest and positive without hurting feelings. Again, it depends on the friend's temperament, your relationship, and how much it would upset her. If it is a friend I can be totally honest with and she is healthy enough to understand and say "No problem," then no problem, right? If your friend is rather immature, selfish, insecure, or in a vulnerable place in life the answer will have to be handled with more delicacy. Sometimes with certain people I just say "Oh, I have other plans but thanks for the invite. I hope it goes well." They don't have to know your plan, just that you have another one. If you decide to go then decide last minute you don't want to go you can say (as I shared down below) "Somethings come up and I can't make it. I hope it all goes well. Let's talk soon," or actually make plans with that person to do something that would be meaningful to them.
It honestly wouldn't happen. All of my dear friends know which very few people in the world make me horribly uncomfortable and none of them like any of them enough to pee on them if they were on fire. My true friends all know I'm a high-functioning autistic person and I don't do well around people who frighten me.
That said, if it somehow happened I'd be honest and tell my friend that I love him or her dearly but so-and-so and I have an awkward past and I don't wish to cause or experience drama or other unpleasantness at their party.
It really would depend on what the purpose of the event is. Whenever someone wants to invites "everyone" it's usually because they deem the event to be bigger than the differences people have between themselves or they're unaware of the differences.
In the end it's not about us but rather we feel the event is one of those that is important enough to put aside our squabbles and support our friend or celebrate their milestone/accomplishment.
However if it's just a typical gathering you shouldn't feel obligated to be in a room with people you dislike. You have a right to (choose) who you want to spend your free time with.
As ChristinS mentioned if it's a huge enough of an event odds are there will be plenty of people for you to engage with whose company you do enjoy and you'd wouldn't have to deal with those you don't. What's the worst thing that could happen at a (party)?
A fake smile and a hello then off you go.
It shows them you've moved on.
I wouldn't let the presence of an individual keep me from going somewhere that (I really wanted) to be. Life is too short!
That's giving them way too much power over me!
I would go to my good friend's social event because she/he obviously want me there to support them; and I love supporting my friends when I can. I wouldn't allow those few people who are at the event who I'm not socially connected with because of dislike, bad vibes or whatever keep me from supporting my good friend. I would just ignore those who I have no social connection with as long as they don't say or do anything inappropriate to me. Hello and goodbye are the only words I would have for them.
Sondra....your attitude is very healthy and understandable. I would commend you for putting personal ill feelings aside to do what you believe is appropriate. This is a slightly difficult decision and I do realize there are various scenarios that dictate what many others may do. Thank you.
I probably wouldn't go, Paula. Not sure if I'd give a reason. Hopefully, this 'friend' would already be aware of my feelings for those people and will understand.
I would go if it would make my friend happy. As it is one should not hate people.
I would attend the event and go with the flow. I know that those people can't put me off from having a good time.
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