read a lovely one the other day which said love is not an emotion it is a decision.They fall out of love because of lack of commitment - they do not realize the long term benefits of being in love and prefer the shorter term thrills or the imagination of those thrills to the real life love.naturally real life suffers and they lose the ecstasy of along term committed love relationship,
I think married couples fall out of love because they grow apart. Each person has their own interests, and as couples work at different places, chose hobbies or ways to spend their leisure, they begin to choose different things. First small differences, then more and more until they no longer have the same interests.
Also, our lives are so busy in this modern society, couples need to really work at having enough couple time and using that time well in order to continue to be in love.
And finally, expectations that their love will always look like it does as a newly married couple. Love in fact changes over time and deepens as a couple shares responsibilities, tragedies and celebrations.
1. The Relax Factor - Whenever we are in pursuit of something or have a goal of some kind we put in our best efforts to beat out the competiton. We take a keen interest in learning as much as we can about the person, their likes and dislikes. We listen intently and look for queues to tell us how well we are doing and so forth. Unfortunately there are many people who view marriage as being the time when you can STOP putting in your best efforts! After all he or she is "committed" to you now. This makes little sense.
Just because you were hired for the job doesn't mean you don't have to perform well in order to keep it! No one is "stuck" with anyone. When we change our circumstances change.
2. Expectations - Many of us (expect) passion and romance to fade! It becomes a self-fulfillng prophesy. Some of us have been taught to believe that "real love" is more about companionship and has less to do with physical intimacy. It's not uncommon to wake up one day and realize you have become more like siblings or best friends. You have completely desexualized one another. We put our focus on the kids, careers, hobbies, friends, and family. One day someone has an affair or announces they want a divorce. All of a sudden sexual intimacy becomes important and we try to recapture what we allowed to die. In reality what separates (romantic love) from parental, sibling, friendship, and sibling love is our sexual desire for our mates/spouse. "It's easier to maintain a fire than it is to reignite a spark!"
3. Evolution - People change. What you may have wanted in a mate age 25 may not be what you want at age 35 or 45. There is no neutral in marriage! We're either "growing together" or "growing apart". It's not uncommon to hear someone say, He/she is not the same person I fell in love with. When two people no longer want the same things from the relationship it's pretty much over. Just because someone is "going along to get along" doesn't mean they are happy with the way things are. It's important to check the temp of the marriage periodically without putting the other person on the defensive. Always find something to "look forward to" as a couple.
4. Settled - A lot of people get married for the wrong reasons or they made a bad choice in selecting a spouse. Not everyone who gets married should stay married to the person they chose. Maybe marriage was goal by a certain age, accidental pregnancy happened, alll your friends had gotten married, or you found someone who was crazy about you and although you didn't feel the same about them it seemed like a safe choice. This sets up the old, "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech when you decide to depart. Staying together for the wrong reasons is just as bad as getting married for the wrong reasons.
Among other reasons, couples fall out of love if they become too tired or too preoccupied to nurture the relationship. If love is not cherished, it may not last.
Married couples fall out of love because of the "F" word, Familiarity that is. Married couples tend to take each other for granted and get too familiar with each other. When one of the partners continue to mature in a direction that was not mutually agreed upon in the beginning of the relationship, then most likely these couples fall out of love. Ultimately, it is the couple themselves who have not worked to keep the relationship strong, that end up in a failed relationship and out of love with the one they had vowed to love forever.
I think one reason is that if a married couple has children they tend to put all their efforts into raising their kids and stop putting time and effort into their marriage, sometimes without even realizing it. They might do a great job together when it comes to their kids, but then get to the point where several years have gone by and they haven't spent any quality time as a couple, away from the kids...they don't even talk anymore and end up on different paths...it takes work to get back on the same track.
A relationship is like a plant. It needs to be cared for, placed in the sun or the shade respectively, and most of all, it needs water. One must continue to shine the sun upon each other through new adventures, surprises, and increasing levels of intimacy.
I think a lot of couples can't seem to make time or energy to nurture their relationship, especially if you have kids and work.
Some couples will love each other even after marriage. The main reason to fall out of love might be economical pressure and other works Many couples missed to understand each other and it would be the main reason for the problem. Every couple should love each other after getting married to lead a successful life.
I suppose there are many, many reasons why couples might fall out of love. I know the reason that I "fell out of love" with my husband is a complete lack of nurturing over the years. My husband preferred that communication remain at the information only level and pursued a single man lifestyle. It did not take long for me to become emotionally detached. Once the emotional detachment occurred I think there was almost no hope for revival. Relationships need to be nurtured.
when you fail to do things to keep the love burning, inevitably, they will fall out of love. The mistake some couples make is that, after marriage, both of them withdraws and stop doing those things they did whilst dating to kindle the love. They feel that that those things are no longer necessary and the love begin to fade and they end up being strangers to each other.
A victim of this myself, I have spent years trying to figure out why until the reasons didn't matter anymore. As others have said, you grow apart, you married too young, before each of you know who you were and you didn't BOTH continue to work on the relationship. It's a partnership you both need to sign up for. That said, I am still hoping to find something/someone lasting someday.
There's no such thing as "falling out of love". True love is not this temporary creation of our modern society that every one throws around like its free. Even getting married does not solidify "love" any stronger than before because the legality of marriage today is as temporary as the feeling of lust or comfort that every one calls love. What happens is people find someone who they can tolerate more than the average person they have come across in the course of their life. From there we come to the next false statement regarding love spawned from our instant gratification society, "love (or marriage) takes sacrifice and compromise"...simply wrong. We find a person we can stand enough to consider a long term relationship, then in hopes of adapting ourselves to fall in love with this person we begin to "compromise" our selves to force compatibility. The bottom line is if you have to change even one single thing about yourself to be "in love" with some one then its not love. the concept of marriage really has no bearing on the subject because that would require us to associate the word marriage with true love which as we all know is not reality. Marriage is often just the next logical step based on societies opinion on human relations. So does a couple ever fall out of love, no, they do not. They were never in love, they were in a comfort zone they didn't want to leave and then after years of compromising their own values, morals, and opinions they recognize subconsciously that's this person is not a match for their soul. Being truly in love is a sensation that happens instantaneously, then after weeks or months or years of fighting it, trying to pull logic from the emotion, and trying to stomp the emotion that is completely indefinable, we give up to ourselves and our mind follows suit with our hearts. That is true love. It is permanent and it's the kind of emotion that even if for some reason the relationship fails (either due to stubbornness or the human minds inability to accept something not fed to it by popular media and generations of social training) you can never get the feeling out of you. True love is a brand put permanently on your heart and you cannot "fall out of it"
by str8ruthless 5 years ago
How do you make yourself fall out of love ? when they don't treat you right
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