Do you think a man should ask a girl's father for his permission to marry her?

1. 79

   Treasuresofheavenposted 10 years ago

   Do you think a man should ask a girl's father for his permission to marry her?  And why?

   replyreport
2. 72

   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   No, I don't think that it is necessary or (expected) in the U.S.A. True freedom means each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. Only the would be bride decides to say yes or no.
   Having said that if it's part of one's custom/culture and the "groom to be" wants to continue to honor the tradition then there is nothing wrong with doing so. Nevertheless it's not about (should) but rather about (wanting) to. Even if the father does not give his blessings I imagine most couples would marry anyway!

   replyreport
   1. 79

      Treasuresofheavenposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for all your responses.  This is a good discussion.  You all have some strong feelings about the subject of asking a father's permission to marry his daughter.  I do know of some men, as of recent, who have kept this tradition. More research..

      replyreport
3. 61

   Just Me Just Meposted 10 years ago

   Not in 2014.  Nice gesture but not necessary.

   replyreport
4. 77

   jaydawg808posted 10 years ago

   I don't think it's necessary. As a courtesy and for etiquette, perhaps. But when I proposed & later married my wife, I didn't ask for her father's permission. He didn't approve of me and I knew the answer. But it's not the father you're marrying, it's the daughter. So it should only mean something for the daughter.

   replyreport
   1. 75

      manatita44posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Seems straight-forward when you look at it, Jay, but most children want their parents love and support.

      replyreport
5. 72

   Aime Fposted 10 years ago

   Nope. I think it's kind of insulting, actually. Like the woman is not capable of making her own decision and needs her father to okay it first. Seems a bit archaic to me.
   
   Though I suppose how I can see how it might be a nice gesture to some.

   replyreport
6. 94

   peeplesposted 10 years ago

   No! In fact to me it seems it is saying the daughter is a possession of her parents. Our children are not our possessions. It is my job to teach them how to be good adults. Once they become adults it is up to them to make the decisions about what they will do with adulthood. I don't have to like my children's partners once they become adults.

   replyreport
   1. 72

      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Very true! Life is a (personal) journey.

      replyreport
7. 61

   Dee aka Nonnaposted 10 years ago

   Wow....it is one of those great old customs/traditions that once was, pretty much, required.  I do wonder how often it worked out for the best....and how often people were left hurt and alone.  I think it might depend on the father...is he a reasonable man....or a hot head. 
   
   I think it is a great thing to do, if all parties are sincerely concerned about the welfare of the couple....if the intentions are not good....it is better the couple pray for guidance......this is only my opinion.  I pray for guidance about almost everything.....

   replyreport
8. 75

   manatita44posted 10 years ago

   This may come from courtesy, etiquette, tradition, honour, respect and even more importantly, the epoch or environment that one lives in.
   I rather suspect that the man would prefer to marry if he has an affinity with the woman, and to establish this, it follows that courting helps.
   
   In the 21st Century, we see a rejection of the traditional way, as well as an acceptance of it, that is to say, the parents sometimes decides. Both have their merits and sad to say, severe repercussions also, and may require careful thought.
   
   As an individual I won't mind asking the Father, but only in so far as I already know the girl and am happy to marry, in order for us to join as one in matrimony. There are many views and many considerations which may involve other family members, and not so straightforward to brush of. Know your circumstance.

   replyreport
9. 79

   pattyflorenposted 10 years ago

   If it is necessary to do that to keep the peace, then I would.  Fathers who  are super sensitive towards a man dating his daughter would appreciate the thought and feel he deserved that.  A daughter who has done this is more than likely a younger woman, has little experience of the world, want to have a positive beginning in her relationship, and having a father's support is easier on the family.  If her family is paying for the wedding,  then again its essential to know the gentleman who wants to marry his daughter because weddings can be astro expensive in regards to a big wedding with bridesmaids and bridegrooms; and most big weddings, fathers and daughters are closer I think.

   replyreport
10. 65

    dhimanreenaposted 10 years ago

    hey i know its our life and we should take our decisions independently but i think if we take permission from the father then there is nothing wrong in it. After all, for so many years he takes care of your 'love', so courtesy says take his permission. A celebration is complete only when your loved ones are near and happy. I am sure your darling would also love this idea !!!!

    replyreport
11. 79

    Raul Sierraposted 10 years ago

    It shouldn't be necessary.  Still, my wife wouldn't have married me had I not asked her father first. It depends on the strength of her families tradition. And as in most cases, if you love her, you do what you need to do.

    replyreport
12. 49

    banti kumar yadavposted 10 years ago

    That is why we are Guardian do They always think the best for us
    If she cared so much from our childhood and Base So much so he is right on.

    replyreport
13. 85

    M. T. Dremerposted 10 years ago

    I actually had this debate recently with my family. One of my older brothers, and myself, are married. He asked her father for permission and I didn't. When the last brother was asked if he would, he said yes, putting me as the odd man out. Yet, all I wanted to say was "What is this? The eighteenth century?"
    
    Maybe I'm just a hardcore feminist at heart, but I can't think of a woman as property, which is where the tradition started. Girls were married off with a dowry and the father's actual permission was required. I'm of the mentality that the only person who can tell me I can't get married is the woman I proposed to, and the only gauge either of us should use is whether or not we love each other. My wife agrees with me, so I'm shocked that this tradition is persisting into the modern age.

    replyreport
14. 90

    parrsterposted 10 years ago

    I think the key word in your question is 'permission'. There was a time where the very reason a man asked for the paternal nod of approval, was that no wedding bells rang without it. In many cultures, law upheld such right of the father. In ancient times this rule, known as Pater Familias, extended to the right of the eldest male in the family.
    
    Obviously today, particularly in western culture, patriarchy has been subdued by an egalitarian approach to family and society. However, that the tradition remains is testament to how recently in our past it was the norm.
    
    Of course, the tradition today holds about as much sway over weddings as HRM Queen Elizabeth holds sway over parliament. However, humans love to honour tradition, even when the reasons no longer apply. Especially when no other tradition exists to replace the redundant one.
    
    What might be a good replacement practice for this tradition?...

    replyreport
    1. 79

       pattyflorenposted 10 years agoin reply to this

       Remembering the south and jumping over the broom.  It's was a celebration and everyone was invited.

       replyreport