Should men still ask a woman's father for permission before proposing?

1. 83

   M. T. Dremerposted 9 years ago

   Should men still ask a woman's father for permission before proposing?
   
   Marriages in the past were very different arrangements than they are now. But one of the traditions that still exists today is asking the woman's father for his permission/blessing before proposing. Is this still considered common courtesy, or is it part of outdated gender roles?

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2. 81

   prettynutjob30posted 9 years ago

   I still think men should ask their future wife's father if they have their blessings. I think it is very kind and considerate, it shows how much of a gentleman someone is. I love seeing men behave like gentleman, this world has pushed chivalry and common courtesy to the side, but me and so many other women still appreciate it.

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   1. 72

      dashingscorpioposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      A lot of "chivalry" was rooted in sexism!
      Women were seen as the "weaker sex" and needed to be sheltered and protected like children. The important decisions were left up to the men. "Don't worry your pretty little head". Being "special" is weak.

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   2. 95

      MizBejabbersposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I see what you're saying, but "blessings" and "permission" are two different things. "Are you comfortable with our getting married?" If he said no, then I would have to say "tough luck."

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   3. 84

      Edward J. Palumboposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      My perception and opinion differs. Being "cherished" is wonderful. Chivalry is not dead, and I have tried to model that behavior for my daughter and son. My wife tells me I've succeeded.

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3. 86

   Phyllis Doyleposted 9 years ago

   I think that custom has always been a good thing. Yes, I think men should ask the father for permission and acceptance before proposing to the daughter. It shows respect, responsibility, and sincerity.

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4. 86

   gmwilliamsposted 9 years ago

   
   
   NO a thousand times.  The intended is a grown woman and doesn't need her father's permission to propose.   I feel that a man should ask the intended's permission, not her father.  This is the 21st century when women are equal partners in career, life, & love matters.  NO woman needs her father permission for anything.

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   1. 84

      Edward J. Palumboposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      A mature woman does not need her father's permission; however, if their relationship was healthy, she would likely want her father's participation, joyful support and approval without a dependency upon it.

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   2. 95

      MizBejabbersposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Of course, but what does that have to do with getting his permission? My 21-year-old granddaughter's fiance probably didn't ask permission, but they asked for and got his participation in the wedding. My son had hoped they would marry.

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5. 59

   Omevaposted 9 years ago

   I think it all depends on the culture. If the woman's parents are expecting it, I think it would be a good sign of respect on the guys part to ask the parents, and hopefully the fiance will let the guy know that her parents are expecting it.
   
   But In many cultures where it doesn't really matter. I don't see why you would have to. But I think its still a good sign of respect and the parents will appreciate you more for it.

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6. 84

   Edward J. Palumboposted 9 years ago

   I'd say it very heavily depends on the relationship between the father and daughter and, of course, between the future son-in-law and her father. I expect to be asked for my approval or blessing out of respect, and I would respond well to that. My daughter is an intelligent young woman and she tolerates no disrespect or mistreatment. If a young man doesn't have the respect or the courage to ask for my blessing, he may not deserve to join this family.

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7. 95

   MizBejabbersposted 9 years ago

   If the woman is of legal age, absolutely not! Courtesy  ha! Show her some courtesy by treating her as an equal, not a possession of her father. To ask her father is a symbol of acknowledging that he is in control of his grown daughter and needs his permission to transfer her to her husband's household, where she will be a possession. We need to get rid of some of these outmoded customs that make women subservient to men and move into the 21st century where souls are equal.
   You may answer that this goes back to where the bride's parents pay for the wedding. In that case, if dollar signs are in your eyes, by all means ask Daddy if it is OK to marry his daughter, and, oh yes, please pay for out wedding, too. But in this day and time when most couples are older and pay for their own weddings, it certainly should not be done.
   Somehow I can't see this happening when the couple live and work many states away or is in the military and the putative groom has not met them. What do the couple do if papa says no? Do they break up or do marry anyway and alienate the father?
   Now if she is underage and pregnant, the law says she has to get her parent'(s) permission, or seek the permission of the court.

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   1. 84

      Edward J. Palumboposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I'm guessing your family structure is very different than mine. Possession of her father? Dollar signs? What about the love and respect between a father and daughter? Or the fact she was was raised properly to observe certain courtesies?

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   2. 95

      MizBejabbersposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      That's exactly what I'm talking about. Where is the "courtesy" in treating a grown woman like a child? Why does the father get all the respect?

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8. 72

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   I believe the "bride to be" should be the first person to learn of a marriage proposal. Ultimately she should decide if she wants the man for her husband.
   The days of two men making back door deals over a woman's future is gone.
   Having said that it really does comes down to one's culture and country. In some countries this tradition is still the "norm".
   A man doesn't propose until he has gotten the green light from the woman's father. However in most free societies it's outdated.
   Chivalry and sexism tend to go hand in hand.
   Having said that it's a real tough decision for some women to choose between being treated as an "equal" or as "special".
   Lots of women want both!

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9. 81

   chuckandus6posted 9 years ago

   i think it is polite to ask kind of old fashion , but if he says no then do it anyway.noone shoukd stand in the.way of two people who really love each other

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