Is it enough to agree to be in a long-term relationship, or do you need to hear "I love you?"
Verbally hear the phrase that is
Very few people would be willing to commit to a "long-term" relationship without believing their mate "loves" them. I can only think of one instance where I dated a woman long ago for 4 years without ever using the "L word".
It was kind of liberating in a way since I'd never said it I did not have the litmus tests that usually accommodate or follow those words.
"If you loved me you would....etc or "Why do you love me?"
It takes courage NOT to say, "I love you." immediately after someone says it to you! I imagine there have been many people who expressed words of love as a (reflex) to just hearing it said to them.
Professing love puts you on a path of no return. Once you say it you have to live up to it in both words and deeds. To do otherwise would make you appear to be a liar or emotional manipulator.
We all know that saying "I love you but I'm not (in love) with you." really means "I care about you BUT I don't see you as being the one!"
Your question can be answered by asking yourself, "Do I love this woman?" "Can I imagine my life without her?" If you answer yes, then what's the big deal about saying so? Let's be real here. If a man doesn't say "I love you," but he wants a long term relationship, that really means nothing more than," I like the convenience of having sex with you, as if you are my fiance---but never mind whether I will marry you or declare my love for you...or actually love you---period. I'm here. Isn't that good enough?"
Well, darling, the answer is "No, it isn't good enough." Not at all.
A man who asks this question really needs to "Man-up" and say, "I love you," or he needs to find someone else who is willing to be his convenient sex partner. No self-respecting woman who wants love for the long term would ever settle for less.
The truth is: A man in love is thrilled to let the whole world knows how he feels about his beloved. Men in love are actually very romantic...and that's a good thing.
We are not here for test-driving. A man and a woman know if they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other in less than a few months. read more
It is not enough to share a life together, longterm, and not verbally acknowledge that which binds the commitment: love. Now, unless you're saying there is no love, only a longterm relationship based on familiarity, convenience, financial dependency, and emotional safety, that's something different. But I want to believe that when someone invests in a longterm relationship, love has to be involved. I just think most people are afraid to or uncomfortable with verbally expressing it.
A long-term relationship is fruitful if both parties feel they benefit from the bond. My senses usually indicate if my presence is welcome without me having to hear any words spoken.
I believe a long-term relationship can only be successful if both individuals are honest and desire to work on it. A part of that success is telling each other you love each other. Regardless of how often 'I Love You' is said, it needs to be said. No relationship can truly work otherwise.
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