What's the ideal attitude towards a person who considers you a fool for being good to him or her?
If you encounter a person, who for one reason or the other, live with life long battered self-esteem, gravely look down on him or herself, to the extent that, if you have reasons to appreciate, love or treat such person better than he or she thinks is deserved and responds by making you feel very much like a fool for doing that, what's the best way of dealing with such person? So, that you don't hurt them or yourself.
Distance my friend. Distance. If one doesn't hold themselves in reasonably high esteem, it's possible they will not do so for others until they work on themselves. To do that requires action from them, not you. Don't take it personally, be polite, but I would distance myself from them if at all possible. Life is too short to be good to those who cannot muster a sincere thanks for a good deed or multiple ones. I would be happy that I was able to do something nice for another person and would continue doing so for others who can at least give a smile or a genuine thanks.
In my opinion, the essence of 'community' is all about helping others. So, I want to go further by knowing how to steer others towards working on themselves for the better. Even when they can't smile at you or say thanks. Or am I asking for too much?
Unfortunately, you just may be asking for too much. A fair number of people are not open minded or open to any new ideas or pursuits yet dislike the way their lives are going. Often, it is best to not offer help unless asked.
It's easy to be kind to a nice person, but there is no reward in that. "Be kind one to another" isn't a suggestion from God, but a command. We aren't responsible for someone else's actions, but our own. You are not a fool for being kind. There is a reason (cause behind their behavior) why they feel the way they do about themselves. Until that root is dug up the person will always respond the same way.
On the other hand because your actions are making them uncomfortable they are trying to get you to react negatively so you'll back off. You can be kind to a person without getting too close emotionally. Instead of being direct you may want to use a third neutral party as a mediator.
I bet being kind is ideal. But, how do you help them dig up the root of why they feel the way they do? I do agree with the idea of no emotional involvement. So, its the how for a person you aren't emotionally close to, yet, want to show kindness to.
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
Clearly if someone berates you by calling you a "fool" for loving them they don't think you are anyone "special".
You have to love (yourself) enough to find someone who will appreciate what you have to offer. By staying with someone who doesn't is proof that on some level you don't believe (you) deserved to be loved and cherished!
Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.
There are over 7 Billion people on the planet. You have to figure out why you (chose) this person to give your heart to.
You are responsible for your own happiness! You do that by being aware of the (chooses) and decisions you make for your life.
1. tell them you've stood in their position before and know how it feels.
2. let them think you are a fool. do the good and let them go ... they will realize the truth one day.
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