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Is autonomy more important to you than compromise?
In my view, compromise and autonomy are opposite to each other but they have their place in understanding behaviour. Can there be a balance or which is more important in your life?
I believe the goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.
If a couple agrees on the "important things" in life then the autonomy (independence or freedom, as of the will or one's actions) concerning non important things should pose no threat to the relationship.
For example if a woman desires to go see a musical and her mate would rather stay at home and watch a football game they both can do as they please with friends. Having different interests is ok.
Some people believe it's not "real love" unless their mate will do things they dislike or jump through hoops just to please them. However this begs the question of: Why would you want someone to do anything for you knowing how much they detest it?
People who are "in love" usually want their mate to be happy. I can't imagine enjoying any event or activity if I knew my wife hated being there! Personally speaking I'd rather go alone than put her through it.
Compromise is best when one party doesn't feel strongly about it.
A very balanced view here from you as usual. Sometimes the problem arises with male dominance-even though some men may mean no harm they expect a woman to do what they want ALL of the time and that doesn't work. for either side.Cheers for your reply
This is a significantly difficult question to answer. In terms of world affairs, I would think one must protect one's or ones' autonomy rather than compromising when dealing with an uncompromising entity that is hostile to some or many (i. e. The Nazi regime, SISI - backwards...).
Thus, there is a place or time for both, if dealing with an uncompromising bullying-type of situation in one's life compromise will prove unproductive; whereas, dealing with a partner, in my case my better-half, compromise has its place through the years, sprinkled with autonomy to provide dichotomy because of gender differences, I believe this combination balances our relations and solidifies our relationship. I happen to play ice hockey and my better-half's significant compromise through the years to support this has built significant respect on my part and enabled significant compromise on other matters, one example, an expensive opera balcony suite for one of her favorite opera productions, the Phantom of the Opera or Camelot (with the late Richard Harris)...
Perhaps, one could factor in facilitation of both interests/hobbies, indeed a type of compromise that creates a synergetic outcome that solidifies relations...
I love autonomy because it means living life only on your terms, doing what you want, when you want and allowing guilt to not be a major player in your life. However, the only realistic autonomous life is that of following your morals and convictions. Those should never be subject to compromise as then you cannot be true to yourself.
However, most of life is compromise, unfortunately. With spouses and friends, it is give and take. If you want to engage in an outing that interests you with them, you are going to have to reciprocate when they make the same request of you even if you have no interest in their suggestions. Marriage is all about compromise because spouses often differ in opinions. Try buying a new house together and that alone will teach a couple the art and necessity of compromise as the couple tries to come to terms with decorative and building decisions. However, without compromise, without the ability to bend like a willow, one will be short of good relationships.
However, again,when it comes to core values in life and principles, always remain autonomous and true to yourself.
I think if I make the right compromise by virtue of my autonomous decision making, it is fine!
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