Why is it hard to love ourselves?
I want to do an article about Self-Love and I would like everyone's opinion about why it is hard to love ourselves.
Do you struggle with self-love? If not, do you know anyone who does?
Let me know your stories.
In the article, I will keep all identities private. I will not share your name, just the experience.
Thank you for your insightful ideas
This is of course only my experience, but i think as we get older self-love becomes easier. I know as a young person; I felt a lot of pressure to conform and to people please etc. and that was often at the cost of figuring out who "I" was.
When I dropped that habit and started to focus on my own mind, thoughts, wants, etc. I didn't feel like an outsider looking in anymore and that brought a stronger sense of self and acceptance - the key components to self love.
We all have days I think where we struggle a bit with acceptance or we wonder what we might have done differently etc. but overall as a middle aged woman of 41 I am much more loving and forgiving of self than I ever was in my 20's.
Most people have been "brainwashed" into believing to look out for themselves is a "selfish act". They worry about what others/peers think about them. People who love themselves generally have "deal breakers" and boundaries.
Another factor which plays a major role has to do with how parents and schoolmates treated an individual during their formative years.
If your own parents berated you, killed your dreams, and never gave you credit for doing anything it's easy develop a "take what you can get" mentality from others in the world. After all if the people who brought you into the world don't value you how can you expect others.
It's hard work to change one's "inner dialog" or "self talk". It takes courage to distance oneself from toxic people especially if they are family. However it's a necessary step to re-invent oneself.
I never had a lot of confidence in myself, as my parents did not believe in praising for old fashioned reasons, the old 'Swelled Head" . A high school teacher helped me develop self confidence, but I always had difficulty loving myself. My job helped a little, and I had many friends. Still I remained distant with unfamiliar people or in crowds. My daughter helped me, as I helped her. I also wore braces and was very skinny, and kids teased me about it. In my older years, I did better, but always was envious of those who were very self confident. I believe it is a struggle for many folks. You should not have to rely on others or jobs for self confidence but believe in yourself and love yourself. I almost forgot that writing makes me love myself. Yay.
Once again I am compelled to be so very grateful for having been blessed with my particular parents. My Dad especially encouraged us to know that it's important to "Love yourself AT LEAST as much as you love the single-most significant person in your life (aside from loving God first & foremost...our Dad being quite spiritual)...but not MORE than we love others. Equal love, equal time. He literally drummed it into our heads that in order to be a kind, loving human being to others, we could start by learning to appreciate who & what we are and to never underestimate our value.
Thus, I have to say that in this way, we really were blessed. I don't recall my sister or I ever having a lack of self-confidence nor were we self-doubting nor critical. I also know we stopped quite short of conceited as we always considered the feelings of others. We knew where the fine line should be.
Personally, I feel we were taught this lesson well. Although I dont literally say that I love myself (it always sound rather weird to me)....I look at it as objectively as possible. You should try it. It works. Ask yourself if you were someone else, would you LIKE YOU and be happy to be friends with a person like yourself?.....LOL.....I bet many more of you than not would say, "Yes, I would absolutely LIKE him/her and be their friend!!".........You ARE special, you know! Peace, Paula
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