Could you expound on your definition of the "upper hand" in a relationship? It would also be helpful to know what you want and what you feel you are getting from this relationship. I ask these things so that I can answer your question In better detail.
I am sorry you feel that way. In my opinion the caretaker has a 24/7 job and a husband should lift his wife up! My wife and I work together (many times in different ways) to take care of our lives together.
I agree. You both are fortunate. I recently ended a relationship & couldnt understand what he meant in saying I was trying to get back the upper hand. Being a caretaker was a choice, not an obligation. Maybe he was saying that I wanted him to car
Some may say we are "fortunate" and to a certain extent maybe it is. I feel that our hard effort to find solutions to our problems as a couple together has been the biggest contributer. We all have hard obstacles to overcome. We all struggle!
An old adage goes:
"The person with the least emotional investment in a relationship controls it."
It's the "Don't marry the person (you) love; marry the one who loves you." philosophy. However I doubt anyone who does this can ever be truly happy.
I suspect anyone who does this is constantly thinking or telling others;
One is better off trying to find someone who shares their same values, wants the same things for the relationship, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a (mutual) depth of love and desire for one another.
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
A healthy relationship is not about "You & Me". It's about "Us & We".
If someone is trying to figure out ways to control or manipulate their mate they are looking for a love that they themselves are unwilling to give. The goal is to compliment each other's strengths and weaknesses. If you want to be the boss you have to choose someone who enjoys being bossed around!
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. We accept them as (is) or move on.
The choice is up to us!
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