My husband /stepdad is angry because I'm Consumed because my son is involved i

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   MomDad2003posted 8 years ago

   My husband /stepdad is angry because I'm 
   Consumed because my son is involved in drugs
   
   After struggling for 4 years with my son's drug abuse and domestic violence with his girlfriend
   I made the decicion to move 4 hours away from him. During those 4 years I  put him in many rehab, outpatient programs that he never ingaged or complete. Now that I'm away he's been alone for 6 months. He's going to court after court. I have put him in Three more programs within 6 months but the same he hasn't complete any program and relapses. I don't want to give up on my son. My husband is mad now because he wants me to stop but I just can't. I love my son and I have pray for a change.

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2. 71

   Kathleen Cochranposted 8 years ago

   God bless you and your son.  It may be that a stepfather just can't understand a mother's attachment to her son.  I have grown children and there is not a day that goes by that I don't pray for them. 
   
   You have done what you can do for your son.  At some point it is up to him.  That is a hard place to be for a mom, but the time comes when your help is not help any more.  It's enabling.  It may be time for you to be the one to talk to a counselor in order to help you cope with your situation.  How you are handling it is all you can control.
   
   Prayers,

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      MomDad2003posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I'm  new at this so I put my comment as a question for you Katheline

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3. 72

   dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

   
   
   Life is a (personal) journey.
   You can't live for someone else.
   They make their own choices. You said your son hasn't completed any rehab program. Your son has given up on himself. People don't change unless (they) are unhappy enough.
   Drug addicts don't recover unless (they) want to for themselves.
   Essentially it sounds to me like your husband has had enough.
   You don't mention how old your son is but 4 years of drama would wear out most marriages and relationships!
   Drug abuse, domestic violence, in and out of rehab, along with court appearances is asking a lot of a mate to endure.
   You used the words: "I'm consumed" regarding your son's issues. On some level you might enjoy feeling "needed" by him.
   You also said your husband wants you to stop but: "I just can't."
   There's a difference between "can't" and "won't". Your choice!
   Whatever you've been doing hasn't been working.
   If you want something different you have to do something different. (That goes for your son too.)

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      MomDad2003posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      We both had enough. My son is 19 years old. I left him and moved 31/2 hours away as soon as he turned 18. Yes I say I can't I think it's because I'm still stuck is his manipulation. It hurts me so much when he tells me that I abandoned him you're rig

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4. 51

   MomDad2003posted 8 years ago

   Thank you Katheline,
   I know as mom's we understand the unconditional love for our children. My husband never had kids and I can't have kids anymore. I know he means the best for all of us because we were living a nightmare when we lived with our son. My husband helped me a lot while there and now he's afraid I might get my son to move in with us and go thru the same. I have a 15 year old that I'm also trying to keep out of the atmosphere.  But what you're saying is so true. I will enable him if I keep helping him. I know you can feel that I'm dying inside because my 19 year old son is going thru this and more because everything I tried hasn't worked and he just abused ever situation. The only thing that keeps me well is the I have put him in Gods hands and there's not a day I don't pray for my son Michael. Thank you your answers has helped me. I feel you're a great person. I think this is Theraphy for me

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