Is Cheating a Deal Breaker?

1. 74

   Tidbits25posted 3 years ago

   I would like to know your take on this is if you are in a committed relationship and with a child, will you continue living with your partner or leave him/her?

   replyreport
   1. 82

      dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I'd be out of there.
      
      I'm a visual person and most likely every time I saw her I'd think about all the things she did with the other guy and the lies she told me regarding her whereabouts.
      
      Last but not least what would I be teaching my child by choosing to stay with someone who disrespected our union and family in such a way.
      No one should have to change their values to make a relationship work.
      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values!
      
      Having said that I am aware that for most people there is a difference between the "hypothetical" scenario and real life situations.
      
      Sometimes people offer "forgiveness" because they're in shock.
      The thought of ending a relationship/marriage after just discovering their mate has cheated is simply too much for them to bare at the moment.
      
      Several weeks/months later they realize they just can't "let it go".
      No matter how transparent their mate is they're just not able to forgive.
      
      Some betrayed people find a way to (blame themselves).
      They believe they did or stopped doing something that caused their partner to cheat on them. It  makes it easier to forgive if you blame yourself. Another advantage to thinking this way is you believe YOU can keep it from happening again if you change YOUR behavior.
      
      Nonsense! Cheating is a (personal decision) an "individual" makes.
      The only person you can "control" is yourself!
      
      Cheating is a selfish act whereby the cheater seeks to hold onto all that is "good" in their primary relationship while addressing their other "needs" on the side. Whatever they claim to be unhappy with doesn't rise to the level of being a "deal breaker" or else they would have left you!
      They are getting some (benefit) out of staying with you.
      
      Very few cheaters are looking to replace one relationship with another.
      Their goal is to have MORE of whatever it is they want.
      
      People settle/stay in toxic and unhappy relationships for lots of reasons.
      A child would rather be (from a broken home) than to live in one.
      No one should pretend they stayed because of a child.
      It's their fear of letting go and moving on that keeps them there.
      
      No one is "stuck" with anyone! Suffering is optional.
      
      
      
      
      
      
      

      replyreport
      1. 74

         Tidbits25posted 3 years agoin reply to this

         You made several good points. Somehow it affects one's happiness and well-being. I'm not sure about the effects on the child because I have read about articles in psychology on the importance of both parents.

         replyreport
         1. 82

            dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

            Whether a child grows up with two parents or one parent life is going to throw them challenges.
            
            Ideally just because the parents aren't together doesn't mean they can't both love their child. Lots of former couples co-parent well.
            It's a (choice) for both parents to be active in a child's life.
            
            However no one should be teaching their child it's okay stay in a relationship they're unhappy in. Suffering is optional.
            
            
            
            
            

            replyreport
   2. 50

      erorantesposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      First, you need to have a fact that he or she is cheating. A person who decided to go with another person . It is because the other partner does not satisfied him or her in the way he or she likes. It is better to talk and take the news without getting angry. First, we have to loose to get something better in our path. I give you my testimony that there is always something better in our path. Life is so precious. Sometimes, it is better to be alone with a child. Then, someone being unhappy. Child support is always available. There are so many programs for single parents.

      replyreport
      1. 74

         Tidbits25posted 3 years agoin reply to this

         Being alone raising a child can be pretty scary. Some people are more equipped in life though. They have the intelligence, luck and skills to navigate the world even in hard times but there are also those who feel weak and incapable.

         replyreport
         1. 82

            dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

            "They have the intelligence, luck and skills to navigate the world even in hard times but there are also those who feel weak and incapable."
            
            You left out the fact that people can choose to LEARN and WORK to have a better life. Don't be a passenger in your own life! Take the wheel!
            
            Oftentimes it's not that people are "weak and incapable" more often than not they are "lazy and unwilling" to put in the effort.
            
            These are the people who want to be "rescued" rather than work hard.
            The law of attraction doesn't replace the law of action.
            When (we) change our circumstances change.
            
            Never underestimate the power of making a decision.
            "If it's going to be it's up to me!" that should be your daily mantra.
            
            It doesn't take a lot of strength to do some Google searches to find out what help is available for someone in a particular situation or how they can get started pursuing their career or dream. Research is free!
            
            Extended family and friends are often willing to help out when called upon to do some babysitting or other favors if one is willing to (ask).
            
            Once a person starts to embark upon a worthy goal suddenly they meet people on a similar path, doors open for them, and progress is made.
            
            
            

            replyreport
2. 71

   Isivwe Muoboposted 3 years ago

   I would leave the minute I found out. I usually give my all in a relationship, including 100% faithfulness and I expect the same of my partner.
   
   However, if they cheated once (after a long time of faithfulness and loyalty) through no direct fault of theirs (like being seduced while drunk), I definitely would be willing to work on my pain and forgive. But if this became a habit or they cheated knowingly, then I would walk away.
   
   My baby and I deserve better.

   replyreport
   1. 74

      Tidbits25posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      That is a sensible way to approach such a situation. It doesn't feel right to throw away years of dedication and loyalty for a mistake. After all, men are also humans.
      
      But if it is habitual then that is another story. It makes me feel like I also have the right to the same. And then the relationship is doomed.

      replyreport
      1. 82

         dashingscorpioposted 3 years agoin reply to this

         Lets be honest here a "mistake" is forgetting to dot an (i), cross a (t), turning left when you meant to turn right or something along those lines. Essentially a "mistake" is an {accidental/unintentional oversight}.
         
         I have never "accidentally" had sex with anyone!
         Cheating and the deception which goes with it is INTENTIONAL!
         Having (regrets) afterwards doesn't make it a "mistake".
         Neither is having "poor judgment" or making bad decisions a mistake.
         
         Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".
         Some people don't love themselves and will never leave.
         Others stay because they don't believe they can do any better.
         Some people just can't imagine life without their mate.
         
         There is no such thing as a "universal deal breaker".
         Lots of people claim divorce is the "easy way" out.
         These people usually haven't gone through a divorce!
         
         Getting married is a lot easier than getting divorced.
         It takes courage to leave a known reality for an uncertain future.
         
         .
         

         replyreport
3. 74

   Tidbits25posted 3 years ago

   Thank you for sharing your view on this matter. Somehow it feels like lack of self respect and fear of being alone that keeps us in a relationship that has brought us feeling of betrayal.

   replyreport