Dating apps have killed romance.
Yes, I said it. And yes, I’ve tried nearly every dating app out there – Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid,Callmechat that breakfast food one – what’s it called… Toast? Donut? Pancake? Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Point is, they’ve got you swiping through profiles like you’re ordering take-out – which is essentially what you’re doing.
It’s love on demand.
And by love, I mean an artificial filler. You know, like what they put in Twinkies to try and pass them off as food. Both are bland, odd feeling, and very bad for your heart.
See, it doesn’t matter how great you are, how smart, funny, or gorgeous, because when someone is using a dating app, they're making their selection based solely on your photo. That’s all. They've already locked you into their brain as being a purely physical thing.
You were objectified at the start, so you’ll always be an object to them.
I know, I’m coming off like an asshole. But I’m trying to be real with you. I think this goes for both men and women – we sell ourselves on our surface qualities and then wonder why no one tries to go deeper.
It’s infuriating, I get it. But don’t worry, I have a solution.
A whole new kind of dating app.
First: Let’s start with the profile picture
It’s your favorite breakfast food. Yup, that’s right. No selfies, no shirtless shots, no oh look I’ve traveled so I must be interesting hullabaloo. Just an unfiltered photo of your favorite thing to nosh on in the morning (or anytime). And don’t you dare put something healthy up there! Nobody’s going to believe that your dream breakfast is half a grapefruit, ya liar. Be real.
Mine would be french toast with a cinnamon roll on top… and a side of cereal.
Essentially, I want my profile pic to scream – I love carbs! It would also be dark outside, indicating that I’m eating all of that sugar and fat right before bed, because that’s how I get down.
Next: A simple Q & A
Everybody hates the About Me section on dating apps and sites, which is why most people skip it or list three of the most generic things imaginable – I like music, movies, and travel. Oh really? My God, you’re like a unicorn.
Let’s eliminate the About Me anxiety and toss in a handful of simple but poignant questions about what really matters.
What time is it okay to get in your PJs, shut out the world, and binge Netflix?
How many servings do you consider a large pizza?
Who’s your favorite Parks and Rec character?
In case you’re curious, my answers would be: the second you get home from work, two (if I like you), and Andy. Honestly, I’d accept any answer for the last question – except Mark Brendanawicz. If you list Mark Brendanawicz as your favorite P&R character, so help me, we are sworn enemies. Forever.
Then: The Captcha
What’s a captcha? It’s that little box at the bottom of a contact form that forces you to put in a series of numbers to prove you’re not a robot. Ours would function in much the same way, except it’d be making sure you’re not an idiot.
Find a breakfast food you like? Want to make contact? Well first you have to respond to a shockingly easy small-talk question to prove you can hold a conversation like a human being. Brilliant, right?
Now, these will be different every time, but I've listed a few options below to give you a general idea of what I'm talking about.
Hey, how are you?
So, what do you do for a living?
Are you watching anything good on TV right now?
You have to respond in a way that would carry a conversation forward, rather than bringing it to a dead stop. Because let’s be honest, if you can’t conjure an “And you?” or something similar when you’re talking to someone, then maybe dating (or human interaction in general) isn’t for you.
Finally: The First Message
There isn’t one! Why? Two reasons.
Nobody wants to say they met on a dating app. No matter how mainstream quick-order dating gets, it’s still embarrassing and will always carry a stigma. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.
It eliminates an asshole’s ability to be an asshole behind the safety of their phone. No dirty messages, no cut and paste opening lines, no demands for justification of your favorite breakfast food.
Instead, we’ll use the address and budget info you dropped into our private section to select the perfect first date spot right in-between you two. It’ll be cute, public, and quiet enough that you can actually have a conversation.
As a bonus, since you haven’t seen the person, we’ll also treat you to that butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling first dates are supposed to have. Free of charge!
And that’s it. That’s my pitch.
So forget the endless parade of dating apps and sites out there – faith-based, sex-based, activity-based, blech. Go with one that’s life-based. Stop selling yourself short. Get past the BS. Remember what it’s like to see someone across the room and feel your heart skip a beat.
It’s a game-changer. I promise.
eharmony. Meaningful connections. Match. Lasting relationships. ...Zoosk. Those who love travel. Friend Finder. Mix of casual and serious. Bumble. Best for women.
According to this article https://caramellaapp.com/datingsocialcl … ting-sites, there is also OkCupid, which focuses mostly on long-term relationships, not hook-ups, so it is worth checking it as well. Of course, most dating apps or websites are strongly focused on one thing: hook-up, affair, love, or just a platonic relationship. But is it really wrong? I wouldn't say so. If you know the app's clue, you know exactly what to expect from the users and what type of people you'll meet. Everything you wrote is important, but keep in mind that users create those apps and generate millions of visits daily, so it is more about the demand currently on the market.
by Jluvies 11 years ago
Please anyone, I need help. I'm just bareley going to start working again next week hopefully. It's been tough. Extrememly tough taking care of my little ones. I'm supposed to get alimony and child support, but my ex wont pay. I don't have a vehicle so in our...
by Shadesbreath 12 years ago
Hi. I have an opinion about gay people and I really, really, really need validation because without the rush of endorphins I get from saying really stupid things that reap pages and pages of forum replies, I have nothing. So please argue with me and make me feel good about myself so that I don't...
by Xoxo77 9 years ago
Desperately need advice .I messed up my relationship of 8.5years with a loving guy.im 26, he's 27nowOur parents have bad marriages.his parents got divorced recently after 14yrs of horrible arguments.my dad had several affairs.We had a beautiful relationship.he was dedicated to me.All was well until...
by gmcmeee 11 years ago
I desperately need advice on how to deal with my 2 1/2 year old daughter's behavior. I also have...an 18 mo. old daughter and a five month old baby girl. My 2 year old seems to have serious anger issues. I know she is smart and understands much of what's being said, but she still won't say but a...
by kimberlyslyrics 12 years ago
okay I can't buy an opinion at this hour but here's the dealI HATE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS, ALWAYS HAVE, THEY MAKE ME SICKOkay back to meI dare you to make 3 predictions instead for this year. They have to be personal and one must in some form or other include me or yours won't come...
by roxygurl464 10 years ago
I desperately need tips and tricks to house training a puppy, what works best?Please help! I just recently got a beautiful 16 week old female boxer. I absolutely adore her. However, the constant accidents inside my house are starting to drive me insane. I take her outside almost...
Copyright © 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2023 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|