Unressolved issues in relationship

1. 47

   sassyclassybooposted 14 years ago

   Been with my Boyfriend for 2yrs, in my opinion we do have this intense connection for each other, even though we have some unresolved issues that is making the relationship very unhappy which has resulted in us breaking up...
   
   The problem is from the very begining my BF has been tight with money, we live together yet he never discusses his earnings or
   my needs, we rarely go out, ok, he is not a going out person, he would rather we sit home and watch a movie or go for a long walk,my BF contributes very little to the household expenses..Its made me angry with him and this has resulted in some very heated arguments which has caused the breakup which ive told him to leave...
   
   I feel sad cause I love him very much, yet we have been going round and round with the same issues for over a year now and it seems like he doesnt care..
   ok, I earn more then him and have my own business....
   
   apart from this money issues we have a great connection, he does alot to help me at home, cook for me and my kids, clean, DIY, hes affectionate, yet we are both very stubborn, I can sometimes say hurtful things to him just to make him mad, he just shuts down and sit quietly...
   
   Even though we are apart we still talk everyday, meet up for fun times, still takes me to his families and we do things like we use to before we broke up, just that we dont live together...
   
   Now and again I still bring up the topic about the breakup which makes us argue, i would hang up the phone and  later he would call me after ive cooled down to talk...
   
   Im just wondering if its worth saving the relationship, I know we both love each other, but i guess we are both stubborn and at times want to hurt each other, we have both been thru sad divorce in the past, hes lost alot so did I , we both have kids from our marriage,  he lives with his mum and ive got my own home and live with my kids....
   
   I know ive said some hurtful things to him and hes always forgiven me, I feel my past as a lot to do with this, cause i was married at 16yrs old to a very abusive man whom ive had 4 lovely kids with, ive set up my life really well after my divorce, work hard to make a good future for me and the kids..
   
   I miss my boyfriend very much and want him to come back home, I did ask him last week but he says he dont want us to argue over money anymore thats why he cant make a decision to move back yet.... cause apart from money issues he is a good man to me and the kids, when im away on business he would make sure the kids are ok..
   
   any advice would help me make a good decision about the way im feeling..

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   1. 83

      peachpurpleposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      if the money issues cannot be resolve, don't bring it u again. You should ask him why he can't contribute, he may have his reasons. Understand his situation. Since he has been a good guy to your kids and a loving BF towards your home n family, u should appreciate him. Some guys go after women who are loaded with money while others are love however jobless. My sister in law husband (not legally, because he is still with his 1st wife, my sister in law is the 2nd wife) is jobless but cares for both sides children. He takes care of the housechores and children needs, takes family for a trip eventhough my sis in law is paying all the expenses and a good listener with great patience. If you think your BF is a good catch, hold on tight .

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2. 60

   Tigress4462posted 14 years ago

   If he is unwilling to help with expenses now and you have tried discussing this with him, do you think he will change? There should be a mutual understanding between the two of you as to who pays which bills, or a percentage from each of you. Many of us have had bad relationships, but that is not a reason to settle for someone who isn't willing to meet you half way. I know you are hurting, but maybe part of that hurt is guilt. Guilt from letting him take advantage of you? Look down the road 5 to 10 years from now, do you still want to be living like this then?
   
   I think it is awesome that you have your own business and are able to take care of yourself and your family, Keep up the good work and keep your chin up. You will make the right decision. Good luck.

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3. 60

   Catering101posted 14 years ago

   It's a good thing your BF knows what causes both of you to hurt each other and understands why he shouldn't move back in with you yet. He might just be ashamed that he isn't earning much as you even if he's trying his best. Men sometimes do not want their ego bruised, so he might not want to open that up with you yet.
   
   The important thing right now is that he has deep concern for you and your children. It's difficult to find guys who will love your children as you love them. Give him time to sort out his financial problems. For the mean time, don't give up on him. I think he's a good catch.

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