I know that I will get my heart broken again. I am not stupid, I'm in love. Well, that makes me pretty damn stupid anyways doesn't it?
I always trusted her, no one else but I did trust her. I get a feeling deep in my stomach when I feel as though something isn't right. My heart begins to race and I feel very sick. But she always assured me that I had nothing to worry about. Well I may as well me psychic because every time I get that feeling something is actually wrong. Cuddling, holding hands, talking all lovey dovey to someone else? Yes. And after that ordeal was over I discovered messages. Messages of her talking dirty with a different person, calling her pet names and all of that crap. And she always has a new excuse. The first girl she claimed she went along with it so that her friends wouldn't turn against her and the second girl she insisted she was using to make the first girl jealous and get her to back off. But neither of them should have gotten that far.
I know I'm screwed up; I love too much, wish too hard and trust way too easily. But after everything I have reluctantly forgiven her for, she accuses me of cheating on a regular basis. I trust too easily and she is incapable of trusting at all.
I hate love. It always seems to do more harm than good. I know she's going to leave me soon or break my heart far beyond any possible repair. If it weren't for me wanting nothing more in this world than to be with her then I wouldn't be facing my death sentence. Those eyes are evil; the devil's eyes in disguise. But it's too late; I'm in too deep. And this time I won't come out alive.
Are you seeking help or sympathy? We are all on the journey of self progression which includes many hardships and disappointments along the way. For this reason sympathy I cannot and will not afford another individual.
If it's help you are seeking that's different. I've no idea of your age but it sounds as if you still need maturing. Sever this relationship before that person does it to you. Focus your energies on schooling and building up your confidence. Focus on the future which purpose is to raise up a family worthy of your name.
You're not stupid just seriously dependent on others for self purpose, love and acceptance. The adversary and his hosts take on many faces. In your case, though, the true adversary takes shape in the form of dependence and low self confidence and esteem. That will damage you far greater than "stunning" revelations about a significant other. That's where the true deceit lies.
Stand and brush the dust off. Go forth and take charge of your life.
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