When you end up with no friends

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   SapphireGreenposted 14 years ago

   When and how does it end up that you have a lot of friends and then eventually you turn around and you are alone because you are not happy with yourself? Shouldnt that be a time where your friends are there the most?

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      qeylerposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      My friends die.  That is how I lose them.  Since I've been a child I've learned to give more than I get; that is in loyalty and support.  I have learned that yes some people 'use' you but only as far as you let them. 
      
      I know persons who can't keep friends because they set themself up as 'arbiter' and judge everything with an offensive superior mien, or exploit people; making friends who can 'help them in life' and dropping them when they no longer have use.
      
      Some people are too much into another person's life so that they become annoyances.
      
      What I find is that when you take your time to slowly make a friend, contra the sudden BFF, where you build on the relationship, first meeting casually, then sharing bits of your life so that over a period of years you become close, those friends last until death.

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      dirtyprettymeposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Cut the people who arent worth it out. I've just done exactly that. Being happy comes from being on your own and working on yourself instead of letting others do it for you.

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      Mrs. J. B.posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You have to learn to love to be alone and do things on your own before always counting on others such as friends to make things complete. You know as it is said you can really only count your TRUE friends on one hand. By the way having no friends is a good thing too. People will constantly come and go throughout your life.

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      meghansmummyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Im in a state in my life, i have friends but i dont see them very often. I know other people but I dont class them as close friends. I think you just drift too and throw really sometimes.

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      amymarie_5posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I know how you feel. When that happened to me I took it as a hint to go out there and make new friends.  Keep writing and doing the things you love. When you are happy you are a magnet to people. Takecare:)

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      cpvrposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Well, when you're not happy with yourself - how do you expect other people to be around? You need to be happy, friends can't help you be happy

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      Shahid Bukhariposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      You never had any friends ... you just thought, they were your friends.

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   KCC Big Countryposted 14 years ago

   There's only so much friends can, and often will, do.  Happiness is an inside job as cliche as that sounds.  It's true.  If you're unhappy with yourself, friends are unlikely to be able to help you anyway.  If it's severe enough to be affecting your life, you need either a support group or professional counseling.  Get yourself sorted out and you'll have friends again.

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      SapphireGreenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      well let me clarify what i wrote. i was unhappy with myself because i wasnt doing what i need to be doing. This was before i started my own blog. now i am happier  and i have gotten rid of a lot of negativity in my life and now all i want is to move forth and use this as a learning  experience.

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         Dinesh1chaudharyposted 9 years agoin reply to this

         I am going through the same situation.

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      Angel709posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Great thoughts KCC even if Sapphire feels they weren't applying to her situation.
      
      Sapphire, I've been in that place. Friends didn't necessarily leave me, but there was a defined separation in my thoughts and feelings and I did not feel connected with anyone. I would say, this is a time where solitude was necessary for me. I wasn't very happy with me but I had enough sense not to want to spew it on to other people.  I wanted to find out why I was holding me back.  I was going through a major transition and needed to hear the voice from within, not everyone else's opinion.  I'm old enough now (40's) that I trust my inner compass and find it more important to be at peace than to be "busy". I realized no one was stopping me but me. 
      
      Some may call it selfish, but I am still taking much time for myself. I have given to many for most of my life, and now it is time to reap and regain myself.  Once I am replenished, I will be ready to help others in a smarter, healthier way, and in a way that best serves them and me--the highest reason for my existence.

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      Walt Smithposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      A wise man once said...First you must love within, or you will live without. I take it that he believed that you can't care for anyone else unless you first care for yourself.

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   Flightkeeperposted 14 years ago

   Did you call them and say that you need their help?  Friends can't always read what's on your mind.

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      SapphireGreenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      i didnt call them per say. but they know me well enough that i need them they just too caught up in there own lives. oh well.

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         Angel709posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I'm not the kind to scream out for help either, but I learned I have to accept the consequences of being a do-it-alone thinker. Every now and then, the thought flashes, someone could've called me by now.  Then I realize, I honestly don't want ppl to call me.  It is the life I have built around me and I must accept that. And 99.9% of the time, I am very content with that, until I can find what I call, "my people".
         I also agree with Fightkeeper;  Friends can't always read what's on your mind.  We are thinking with our brain and they with theirs. We are assuming, by now, they should have called, checked in etc., but if they are truly "caught up in their own lives", maybe they are thinking the same about you.  Or, are you the one that was/is there for everyone and no one seems to reach out in your time of need?  I call this the "caregiver's syndrome" and the only person that can re-program people/friends is you.  I hope you don't think I'm judging you, I speaking from personal experience.  I am a loner, and ended up around other loners, and we probably silently offended each other at times, wondering why the other didn't call. lol.  I'm very introverted, and realized I'm truly happy being alone. And when I don't want to be alone, (which is seldom in this stage of my life) it's up to me to put down my laptop and get out of the house.  I also love to write and as an introvert, when I need help, I spend time alone. I work my issues out from within. I am my best friend.
         
         Don't be "hurt by it", understand it. I think it is simply a part of your self discovery and these people you refer to are not the enemy or poor friends.
         Now if they indeed should have responded (though you didn't necessarily ask), I believe it is only fair for you to communicate with them and express your feelings.  It's not okay to assume they simply don't care if you consider them friends. They deserve that much, and you deserve an understanding of who they are and how they are without  assumption.

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4. 60

   Alya roseposted 14 years ago

   In my experiences theres no such things as friends.

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      SapphireGreenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      yeah it seems like that sometimes. i have gotten accustom to being alone with my laptop and writing.

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      Home Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Did you try to be one, Alya? Sometimes you have to make a first step. In friendship and in love...

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   ediggityposted 14 years ago

   Here's a song that might cheer you up.
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OUIYWKes2U

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   skyfireposted 14 years ago

   Looks like you hate being lonely inside and in this case you should surround yourself with people (both online and offline). Hop from one group to another whenever you get such empty slot, be friendly and always approach positive, never offer criticism to anything/anyone if you don't like being alone. By doing this you'll become more social and will get less time for loneliness.

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   Bill Manningposted 14 years ago

   I find I'm happier with only a few close friends,,, like maybe 2.

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   Shadesbreathposted 14 years ago

   Here's another cliché, but it's still true: you have to BE a friend to have a friend.
   
   If you are depressed and miserable, nobody is going to want to hang out with you. If you are consistently depressed, your friends will eventually  move away from you. The true ones would have been making efforts to cheer you up all along, but if your depression is a heavy one, likely you never noticed. Eventually, they can start to feel helpless, and ultimately give up when their efforts just fail.
   
   If you have depression, you should get help for it. There are professionals who can get you centered and back on track. Then you will be able to enjoy life, and share your joy with others (that's the "you giving" part of the friend equation). When you bring joy to others, they want to be around you and bring joy to you. (Same goes for love.)

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      Christy Goffposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      In my experience, it was me that shut myself off, I didin't lose my true friends, they was always there. It was me. Figure out whats going on inside yourself, seek professional help if need be. Then start making calls.  You don't need a lot of friends, you need true friends.

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   Ultimate Hubberposted 14 years ago

   They say you laugh and the whole world laughs with, you weep and weep alone.
   
   There is no such thing as a friend in need is a friend indeed.
   
   Now I hear people saying: a friend in need is a bloody nuisance.

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    havissuesposted 14 years ago

    i find that i enjoy pppl for a while an then i like to be left alone to do as i please . You should make some cals an check in on everyonre see how they are . set-up a lunch  date  an if you find you'd rather be alone atleast you tried .

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    guy1973posted 14 years ago

    I used to have lots of friend and people that i used to care alot about,  i gave them a lot of my time and services. i have been going through a rough time lately and no one was to be found, not even to check on me and ask how i was doing, i was all alone and buried myself in my work. great friend of mine got wed and never got an invite, i really broke my heart. so now i have learn not to depend on no one, or having no real emotional attachment with no one. people come and go and thats life.

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       noeticposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Same Here Exactly....But i have learn t one more thing and that is to grow to a level from where people start revolving around you....one is always ready to help to those who are complete in themselves and people help and become friends only if they see something in return....Having said that it still feels great to have friends around

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    philirodjeposted 14 years ago

    Well, sometimes there are many factors that could make one end up without friends... but all these the most important one is Money, some friends tends to avoid you if the going is tough and rough.

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       Home Girlposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       if you need money to have friends, these are not real friends, just shareholders.

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    tritrainposted 14 years ago

    Be a friend to yourself.
    
    If you have a positive, compassionate outlook on life you will attract others to you.  Treat others as you would like to be treated.
    
    Join local clubs or take part in events and greet people with a smile, address them by name.
    
    Meetup.com, local outing groups, book clubs, sporting clubs, etc. are great ways to meet people of similar interests.

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       Rastamermaidposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       So with you on this one.
       
       Be your own bestfriend,first and foremost !

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    BRIGHTMAN24posted 14 years ago

    I was a drug addict in full blown addiction for most of my life. I hurt alot of people. in the beginning I had countless friends , but as the years passed and my addiction worsened I end up with no one. Whats funner still is I can't really find where I fit in. I have been to na groups and met alot of good people, but it still seems different from it did many years ago. Also there are other things importatant to me besides na and it seems like thats all they want to talk about. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just supposed to be alone, It's very hard to explain, I have been isolated for so long (in my self made prison)now be clean its really hard being alone, altough people get on my nerves. Does that make sence to anyone.

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    dianne143posted 14 years ago

    Some time we need to be alone to know our self more. Real friends will always be in our side no matter what happen.

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    cheaptrickposted 14 years ago

    If you can count your real friends and fill both hands your doing better than most.A real friend isn't the one who bails you out of jail.A real friend is sitting right next to you in the cell....I've been there.

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    realtalk247posted 9 years ago

    Often one does not have a lot of friends but acquaintances. Friends stick with you through the ages and are there no matter what.  Most of those long term friendships are formed from high school and college. 
    Sometimes you change, evolve, outgrow others and discover you are moving in a different directions and no longer share commonalities.  Maybe your lives are pulled in different directions as people create families, move, and are so busy pursuing careers.  To keep friendships you have to connect via phone or skype and not via mass text message.
    Often in life you discover reasons-season-and lifetime friendship. In short, we grow, change and so do our needs but good people are hard to find and it's important that effort is made not to lose touch with people.

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