So I had this really good friend - a 9 years friendship - but then she met other people and suddenly, when I realized, she wasn't my friend anymore. We just stopped talking to each other. Without a fight, without a final talk, with no reason, apparently.
It's been 2 years since I've spoken to her and I still can't move forward, because now I can't trust anyone anymore, now I just think: why love someone, why be friends with someone, if they're just going to leave you anyway?
I kinda blame her, because she left alone and she knew that I didn't have as many friends as she did.
And I have men issues too. Have never found true love.
Is it really exist? Love? I don't know. Haven't found it yet. Probably never will.
You know that saying "Some people are meant to be alone", I guess I'm one of them.
I just want to get out of this city, find a new place to start over.
'Cause your know, life sucks.
Thank you so much for your attention. If there is one good soul out there that can say something to comfort me, I would appreciate that.
Learn to surf with it. Shao Lin teaching says "Take the path of least resistance, but always keep your goal in sight." " It is only the truly blind who falter, but staying too long in one endeavor is never faltering" I always liked that one.
If you think life sucks then it will for sure. Thoughts. emotions, feelings make your daily reality.
Love should be give and take policy. Not expect and give. In your case you expect love from others. It should be in other way. You should love others unconditionally. Even you should love your enemy like the same way you love yourselves. If do mistake for you, don't you forgive yourselves. Same way you treat your friend. Try to talk , find out the solution for the problems around you. This is best way to move forward.
I think, what happened to you was that your friend moved on with her life and you wanted to stay where you were, because that felt comfortable. But life is about moving on, about expanding and growing and changing. If you want to avoid this, you will certainly have a hard life experience, since you would go against life itself.
Relationships are what you make of them. I would say, concentrate on what you had with this person who moved out of your life and look forward to even more some day with someone else. They don't need to stay in your life forever, you will always have what you together, no matter what she's doing now.
When you try to cling to what was, it is as if you are in a small rubber raft on a raging river, and you try to hold on to a tree for a long time. No matter what, the river will beat you up, and it will be a very uncomfortable experience. And in the end, you will have to let go of this tree and go with that current, or you and your boat will be beaten up like crazy.
Better trust in the stream, let go and enjoy the ride.
Yes, Dorothee-Gy is totally right, life is the name of achieving and losing. After all we have all stages (ups and downs) in entire life but to live better life we should enjoy all the moments.
And by the way someone left you that doesn't mean you lost him/his, but it mean the play of that person in your life is over and its time to get new one and experience something new. God has planned all the better thing for us so no need to worry about life just live and enjoy all the momentum.
Always smile, be hopeful and happiness comes from within you. You are special, you know that. Relationships come and go, this is life, but we have to move on and find some ways to be happy. it is not very easy, I know.
That's not so easy as said... this kind of soft words are good for nothing but very useful to show one's compassion. But they're actually all about hypocrisy under the surface. Life is really hard and love is very very difficult to have in life.
My dear friend ... I am your friend ... I like you ... thats why I am writing here.
There are things, that make ones life miserable ... one of the things is procratination ... the delaying of the "reqired action" ... the other is being Philosophical, about Life and Reality.
Be Practical, walk up to your love ... and ask in straight forward terms what the problem is ... try it once, twice, perhaps it may take you asking her thrice ... but you will know, the Truth...
Once you Know the Truth ... "Do" the Required ... you wont be miserable anymore ...
And, if things do not work out, as you want, then learn to live like a man, make a fresh start in life... Meaning, always be Practical ...
Hey Kath, how are you?
I found myself in your shoe, never once find myself a real man that would love me and accept me for who I am, do you have same problem?
all I know is that they (the men) are interest in me for sex only pretty much.
or they may want me but I don't want them.
But am still looking and will not give up until I have find my love or the soul mate for life, so you don't give up either.
perhaps one day I would be able to meet with you in person.
your friend Mei.
how've u been lately ? I know how you feel...i've been there...still am. We put so much effort in making others happy that somewhere down the line we forget about ourselves...and the same people move on with their lives and pretend as if nothing was ever there. I too have been forgotten/used/betrayed by the people i thought were my friends... Love never crossed my path either. This world is a real b*tch. But you know what, at times like these you just have to think that there's definitely something better than this. Focus on yourself and yourself only - why should u let others stay on ur mind when they r not even thinking about u ? Just fall in love with yourself...cause the first and last love is always self-love smile Cheers !
Guys!!! THANK YOU so much for all the messages.
I am flattered for your attention. And I was impressed.. You understand me more than I do.
Although I am still feeling lonely. If it weren't for my family, I would be completely alone. I'm trying to figure it out a way to make friends, but it's hard, considering that most people already have their "little group" of friends.
I'm 19 years old, I know I'm supposed to be enjoying my life.. but it's not easy when life doesn't facilitate.
Does anyone there want to be my friend? lol.
Again, thank you so much and sorry for my disappearing.
Maybe this will be of some comfort: Build a bridge and get over it.
Ok, I'll try to be a little nicer.. Thing is, sometimes stuff happens. It's just the way of life. But, if you spend all your life being scared, all that leaves you with is a life of fear. Personally, that doesn't sound like much of a life to me.
Sometimes you simply have to force yourself to get past these issues. It's not easy, but it's better than the alternative.
Life is hard only if you make it that way.
People will be there when it is time. Trying to make something when there is nothing will only frustrate.
Life is a how you choose it to be. You have all the power in your hands to make it good, positive or sad and negative. It's a light switch. Turn it on and make it better -- let the sunshine in. Or keep it turned off and grow like a mushroom in the dark.
Growing apart is a fact of life. In a relationship, when one party remains the same and doesn't change while their friend or partner changes will only result in the two growing apart. Changes in people will happen -- in ourselves as well in those people who we are our friends. When one friend walks out in our life, there are many others who will step forward to fill that space. But we have to give them the chance to do so. The only way is to let the past go and be in the present.
Smile. Do something that will make you happy -- something that is for you. Life will look better and it will be better.
Beth, I love how you worded that! So true..
You are not meant to be alone. Think about companionship and you will find it. Your thoughts can make your life a self fulfilling prophecy. Or you can be open to new positive thoughts. Opportunities exist all around you, as long as you are open to them. You deserve happiness and good things. Let them come into your life. There are other people wanting what you want too, so look for them and they will be grateful for finding you too.
I agree with Beth100 that generally in life, people change. There are very few people who remain constant and not change or grow in varied areas of their life. May I encourage you to embrace changes, step out and really experience life as it is. Meanwhile, think positive and stay positive. Your thoughts are what make you as a person. Control your thoughts to only thinking happy and positive things. Keep smiling
Yeah, What the others have said is true, your life is yours to make it as you want it.. I used to think life sucks.. until i learnt that it was I who suck, I just changed the way I think..and My life is the best that I could have ever dreamed of.
It is all about the way you think.. you may feel happy if someone sympathized with you.. it is easy to do that.. but not helpful. All you have to do is change to way you think - think positive .....much of what I write is on this subject. Take help if you need to, but get out of this trap that you have set for yourself. Best wishes to you !!
remember true friends can go along time without talking and/or seeing each other...I bet she would love to hear from you...phone, text or email her...she probably doesn't even realize you feel this way...remember what made you good friends and just start again with "hello"...
I will consider your decision to go other places and transfer. But I could count it. Werther you like it or not, you must examine yourself first, look at the four windows of bad and good attitude. Do not let position, achievement, and status role over your mind and brain. You did not want them any more because your at the top now.
Be careful, you might say right now, you don't need them. But as the days go on. They the one....the last person to help you when you need them.
You cannot buy happiness,I mean you cannot win friends and companion through money but by sacrifices and helping each other.
Look for the other side, not now.
Kath , It takes awhile to learn ,[for me too] that people even close friends slowly and naturally grow away from each other. This also happens with families, and anyone for that matter. Once in a while they come back, but dont fight it or overanylize it. its just life.
As to love, have patience my dear , it will find you ! It always does. Thats what true love does. We go through spells in life where we over judge ourselves too. And A close look at ourselves tells us as well, are we lovable , are we friendly , are we truely worthy of that that we want to see in others. I always wanted an intense , all consuming kind of relationship with a woman. But , I never Gave that up to them! Be kind to yourself.
Friends change, as we all do. Try to keep them but if you just don't have much in common anymore best to cut them loose.
As for love, I hate those old sayings about "love finds you when your not looking" or "don't try so hard and it will find you".
That's all a big pile of bull! Every time in my life I have dated is when I got tired of waiting around, went out there and got someone!
Nobody is going to find you in your house, they are not going to knock on your door. You have to get out there and be looking and doing, be approachable.
I'm single right now and it's all my own fault. I work at home, hardly go anywhere and don't say much to people.
When I get tired of being alone I will get out there and find someone, they sure as hell are not going to climb out of my closet!!
Good luck,,,, and get out there!
lol...Sorry, Bill, I had to laugh when I read your response because I've said those things to people so many times through the years.
When I say those things, I don't mean to just sit around and wait...I always meant just quit trying so hard, just go out and have fun with friends--enjoy yourself, and who knows what could happen!
I say this because this is how I meant my husband--we both had reached the point of just giving up on finding anyone to be happy with, so we had made the decision to just get out to have fun. Not long afterwards-we met each other, and after dating two months, got married...that was almost 23 years ago now.
As far as the drifting apart from friends, I agree with everyone--sometimes that just happens...I know it has with me. After I met my husband, my life started revolving around us more than my friends. It didn't mean I quit caring for them--it's just I had new priorities.
Family comes first if you want a happy and successful relationship, in my experience!
Tammy, your advice is good, for a "normal person". If you are already able to go out and have fun with friends, then that is half the battle, and you might meet someone by chance. But what about all those people for whom just finding friends to have fun with is hard? For them your advice will not work.
For someone who normally goes through every day not talking to anybody at all, being himself and not trying hard is not going to naturally lead to finding a mate, a date or even just a friend.
Think about it like it is a phase in your life. Like winter. Winter of your discontent. It will pass. Life never stands still. It moves even if you don't feel like it, but you will change, you are changing with every second of your life, changes are subtle but they are happening. And people are changing too. That's why it is not a good idea to cry about something or somebody for too long, because you never know what awaits you behind the corner. Shake yourself like a dog after a swim and go on with your life. To go somewhere else to live is a good idea too - lots of new adventures, no time to cry.
Well, I see what you mean, but there are others besides friends to do things with, too--when I met my husband, Tom, I was out with my cousin...and he was out with his brother-in-law, lol. Neither one of us had "tons" of friends--we each had one or two good ones, but that was it. We weren't party animals with 10 friends calling us everyday, so I do understand the point that kath was making about feeling lonely.
Bill admitted that he hardly went out and so if he wanted to find someone, he knew he had to just get out there and do it...just like others are recommending!
I only wanted to encourage her to at least try to enjoy life the way we all should try--not worry about finding love or new friends, just try to appreciate what you DO have, and the rest very well might just fall into place...
As to the OP, your advice may have been good for her. I was just responding to the discussion between you and Bill Manning.
You all have good advice and it's really all anyone can do, just give your thoughts on it. I know I'm going to spend more time at the theme parks and getting out there.
That's actually part of my job, seeing how I run an Orlando tourist site! I have met several ladies while in the single rider line at theme parks.
In fact I once spent two days with a girl I met at a park who did not even speak my language. Some things are universal,,,,,,
The only thing you can do is stalk them untill they change thier mind. Ok , Like Rose on Two @ and a half men.
Well - I hope that all your help has spurred our friend into action - or maybe she has just dropped in this one OP and gone.
No hubs, a single post and thin air it would seem.
Unless you are out there?
Responding to all this genuine help ?
Life is only as hard as we make it. If we want to be happy, we will. Same goes for being sad, being successful, being a failure, etc. What we do is mostly state of mind. We make a choice to be one thing or another and unless we are willing to work to make a change in it, that's what we will remain.
"...I just want to get out of this city, find a new place to start over"
If you are serious about change taking this move to a new place, be sure to not, I reapeat not send a Change of Address card to your 'old self'.
Otherwise, no sooner will you get to a new place with infinite possiblity of change and a rewarding life, then your old self will show up on your downstep with all the baggage (like clothes in green garbage bags) and camp out on the sofa and scare away any new friends you might find in this new promising place.
The OP is long gone - take all your good advice and sympathy to the Katrina thread where it will be more use
Maybe is not easy but try asking yourself what is your responsibility in all this. Some people may not deserve us, sometimes we choose the wrong people (and each of us must seek his own why) sometimes unwittingly we drift away from others (why?). The disappointments are good opportunities to know ourselves better, do not underestimate them.
Can I recommend a really good book I think would help. By Charles L Whitfield it's called A Gift to Myself.
This book helped me to completely move on from similar feelings of rejection which in my case were compounded by events way back in my childhood.
In essence it helped give me a strategy which meant that I developed a deep love for myself. I now feel fairly sympathetic for people who chose to push me aside, and I recognise that they themselves have issues.
I am surrounded by abundance and friendship, and I also adore my own company.
Believe in yourself, you are amazing and you will move on.
hi Kath, Live is hard, a lot harder if you aren't someone who follows mass opinion as well. We all lose people close to us in live and get crapped on by people we though were close to us, its how we deal with this that defines us as people. I know how you feel about wanting to get away, I dont like my day job and Ive applied for a career break, I managed to save up a few grand to last me and I want to get away from my sister who is causing trouble with the immediate family! I have 2 months to go!
Life is hard... yes really really hard. It's tough when you think all your friends step out on you and doesn't care. But you have to survive it because it is the reality. You have to rise up if you are on your knees and move ahead.
Oh dear! You are in a rut aren't you? 2 years and not moved on....at least you are taking the first step to do something about it. You asked people for help and just look at the response that must mean something to you.To move on you will need to see yourself as an accepted part of society and from there your self esteem can grow.
There's no truer saying than the one that says " Love grows from within yourself" That belongs to you. You will never know 100% if someone else loves you because the love they feel belongs to them.
You must never try to control that just accept the feeling they give to you when you are around them.
Start with yourself when you love and care for who you are it will be noticed. It is easier to approach a happy person. Doesn't matter if you are shy you will have qualities others will have fun finding out about. Just be approachable.
Be observant and don't sit with a hung head. Find what you want that is not being selfish.
When you are miserable many are nosey to start with and then they back off. It goes round and round. The more miserable you feel the worse it is to get out.
Good luck i really wish you the best as you obviously have the ability to talk from the heart that is a good start.
life is not that hard dear, you need to keep trying. cheers
Love only exists threw God. (God is love)
Try seeking the the seed not the tree.
People come and people go. You can never control someone. You can only inspire them or attract them! That's all. And if they love you, they will come to you themselves!
Don't think negative at all! It kills us. I recently wrote a hub about it! If you have time, give that a read. It has some actionable items to go around eliminating such negative thoughts!
Well as the old saying goes "life goes on". I had a friend who did me about the same way. I don't know what I could have done to offend him but either way he made a choice to stop being friends after we grew up together. It's not much comfort to say except your not alone, other have had the same thing happen.
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