How to get your husband recognize that a marriage is 50/50

  1. becadexter profile image55
    becadexterposted 7 years ago

    I have been with my husband for 11 yrs this July and married 7 years this June. I know the bull I am dealing with but it seems that every 6-9 months arguments for previous months pop up. I am 30 yrs old and he is 32.

    I work full-time, 3 twelve hours shifts and clean our house, take care of our 4 yr old son, pay bills, do laundry, dishes, wash the dogs, make arrangements for most events, etc.

    He is on-call 24/7 for his job and does yard work during the spring-mid fall. He does keep maintenance up around the house and for the vehicles. He takes care of our son too when I am working or have appointments to go to.

    He seems to think that he is absolved from doing dishes, vacuuming, and cleaning. "I did enough when I was younger". That never stops as a responsibility. I could stop doing it but I hate a cluttered, dirty home so he gets away with it.

    Then he expects to have sex when ever he wants it too. I love him very much but the sex argument comes up every 6-9 months because I say "No" in the middle of the night and he does not like hearing it. In my defense he has either already had sex that evening or waited to come to bed at 3-4 am which I get up at 6am and he expects it then. We have sex orally or intercourse 4-5 times a week. I feel that is above average for most couples that have been together as long as we have.

    Wanting opinions or advice??????

    1. Walt Smith profile image59
      Walt Smithposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      First I can't believe I'm even wanting to touch this, but...I had a friend (female) and she had a similar situation, except she had only been married 7 years. Still it rings a bell. When she asked me my council I tried to change the subject but she was having none of it. So, now cornered, I had to be honest. I started "well he always had a mom"... to do the dishes and laundry and all the little cleaning jobs only women even acknowledge, you have become the surrogate. He was probably raised to think that he is to do the "manly" chores. If you want him to do other things make a "honey do" list, start out small and add little things that you need help with, ease him into it. Being a man I know I have trouble with change (ask my ex-wife smile ). As far as the sex goes... 4 or 5 times would take me into the middle of 2012, I think he is expecting too  much from you. You may want to give in every now and again just to throw him off guard, he knows when his chances are slim and that will mix it up. If that doesn't help maybe a couples therapist will help. I can tell from your entry that you love him enough to ask for advice, that takes strength of character, and that wins battles, large and small. Good luck!

      1. becadexter profile image55
        becadexterposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Thanks Walt Smith for replying.

        I will think about your suggestions. Couples therapy may be an option but getting him to agree when it is not his suggestion may be tough. I am be able to get him to suggest it first some  how.