jump to last post 1-9 of 9 discussions (13 posts)

Why is wrong to reject someone you do not find attractive?

  1. profile image49
    FelineFranceposted 6 years ago

    I am curious as to why it is wrong. I do agree that is there is much more to a relationship than looks. What if you are 5 ft 11 woman and do not feel comfortable dating a  5 ft 2 man? Why is it shallow? Isn't a waste of time going out with a guy who honestly do not find attractive?

    1. Lisa HW profile image78
      Lisa HWposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think there is anything wrong with it.  There's even lots of people who are attractive by other people's standards, or else who someone else finds attractive/appealing; that we, personally, don't.  It's just how people are.  Nothing wrong with it.  (If there were, we'd all be dating, or married to, platonic friends.  smile )

    2. Cagsil profile image58
      Cagsilposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      The key word- "comfortable" and that has nothing to do with being attracted. You certainly don't want to be kissing a person who is 5' tall, it would hurt or cause problems for you later in life. It would make sense to get together with someone who is more your size.
      It's not shallow.
      It's not based on being attracted. It's about interest? Does the person interest you? Is what matters. smile

    3. rebekahELLE profile image89
      rebekahELLEposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I don't think it's wrong, nor is it shallow to find someone much shorter than yourself less compatible. I'm also tall, and feel more comfortable with men at least as tall as I am or taller.

      I don't know if it's a waste of time to go out with someone you don't find attractive, but I wouldn't do it again. I think we can learn from any situation we find ourselves in, even if it's a date we wouldn't care to repeat.

  2. Chrisanta profile image60
    Chrisantaposted 6 years ago

    There's nothing wrong with going out with someone whom you are not attracted. Just because in looks you are not attracted to them doesn't mean that there is nothing there. Sometimes you have to spend a little time with someone just to figure out what made you even want to go out with them in the first place. Though not all people are not willing to take the time to view ones inner beauty, it is also the reason why many are counted a statistic on more than what they should be. But as Ms. Lisa HW said, that's just how people are.

  3. Jonathan Janco profile image69
    Jonathan Jancoposted 6 years ago

    There is nothing wrong with rejecting someone if it dosent feel right. In fact, that is the only right thing to do. There are polite ways of doing it, too. You dont have to be rude or cold to get your point across. If you show interest in someone you have no real interest in, you will only serve to mislead that person, not to mention being untrue to yourself.

  4. Stacie L profile image87
    Stacie Lposted 6 years ago

    nothing wrong with rejecting someone...it's just the WAY some chose to do it that's the catch...

    1. Cardisa profile image94
      Cardisaposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      I agree with Stacie, if you do not want to go out with someone then don't, it is better to be honest (in a nice way).

  5. thighhighchick profile image59
    thighhighchickposted 6 years ago

    We all have preferences. Some people like brunettes some blonde some tall some short. You can date who you want no matter what your looking for in a person. BUT remember that sometimes what you want is not what is best. I know friends that would never have "picked" their partners but they fell in love and threw the preferences out the window. They have been married 8 years now

  6. gracenotes profile image93
    gracenotesposted 6 years ago

    It was very painful to have to reject someone this way.  But I remember dating a nice guy about 5 times, and it became obvious we didn't have that much in common.  I don't think there was anything else that would have surfaced to spark an interest, and I wasn't that attracted to him in the first place. I'm not very tall, but he was shorter yet. I hated having to reject him, especially since I knew that we would run into each other on a fairly regular basis.

    I volunteer with a woman who used to work with him, and she told me that she encountered him in a jewelry store buying an anniversary present for his wife, so I'm glad that the story ended well for him eventually, and that he found someone. I'll bet she's a petite gal.  smile

  7. KCC Big Country profile image90
    KCC Big Countryposted 6 years ago

    I remember a good friend telling me one time about how when she first met her husband she didn't find him attractive, but after being around him on a couple of dates his personality really made his eyes sparkle, his smile brighter, etc.  Suddenly, she began to see him differently.  They've been married over 20 years now. 

    Attraction is simply a component of a relationship and there are many components that make it work.  I don't think it's shallow to shy away from someone you don't find attractive, but I think you may miss out on something if you make that decision too soon as illustrated in my example above.

  8. profile image0
    Motown2Chitownposted 6 years ago

    FF, I personally don't find anything wrong with it at all.  I think the biggest issue is in how the person who isn't attracted does the "rejecting."  I think it's important that the individual being up front, gentle, and honest.  There's no sense in leading anyone on, hurting their feelings, or being dishonest.

  9. sassyk73 profile image71
    sassyk73posted 6 years ago

    I don't think it's wrong to reject someone. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However, you can go out with the most attractive person in the world and then when they open their mouth it makes them ugly.

    I agree with motown. Just be gentle, upfront and honest. Don't ever lead anyone on. That don't feel good. I know, I was the one on the receiving end. Good question. God bless you smile