This is the first time I have been into a relationship because I was too career focused. My boyfriend used to be a renowned playboy and I often feel the jealousy inside. I get irritated when he is with other girls because I can feel that he is flirting with them but it seemed natural to him; but it is not to me. I am jealous because I don't trust him or simply because I love him enough for me to get jealous?
Jealousy is not love. It is natural to feel jealous and it is something that most people feel, but it is not love.
Jealousy can have many causes, and it is important to look within, and look at the relationship, to discover what those causes are.
Do you trust your boyfriend? If you don't, you can explore the reasons for that. Is it that he is in some way not trustworthy, or that you are reluctant to be vulnerable, or a combination?
Are you insecure? If you don't love yourself, it is easy to see others as more desirable than you. What combination of reassurance from your boyfriend and working on your own self-worth would help?
Are your needs being met? Often, we are jealous because things we need in the relationship aren't being provided. Instead of addressing harmless flirting, perhaps you can ask for more of the XYZ that would be satisfying to you.
Do you have unrealistic expectations? Sometimes when we fall in love with expect our beloved to be everything to us, but that is not possible. For example, if you love your boyfriend and also love tennis, it doesn't follow that your boyfriend absolutely must play tennis with you. You may need a separate tennis buddy.
All of these questions help us understand our own jealousy and figure out what to do next.
If you didnt love him you wouldnt get jealous because you wouldnt care enough, unless its purely an ego thing. And it does sound like you dont trust him and have some reasons for that. You could always play the same game and see how he reacts.
I would say it is a lack of trust on your part, but that doesn't necessarily equate to a problem with you. If his behavior is innocent, then you'd have to work on your issues. If his behavior goes beyond flirty dialogue during a chance encounter, then I'd say he isn't totally committed to the relationship and your trust issues are justified.
My two cents, jealousy is normal. But I think flirting as a habit is not normal and the person who does just that, well, deserves to be dumped (ouch)! And getting jealous almost all the time is simply a cause of so much stress!
Really,people deserve to be happy and have peace of mind whenever they are in relationships.
I cannot say whether or not you lack the trust based on the few details you said.
So if you feel that you are so bothered by his actions already, convinced that your reactions are reasonable,and he is unwilling to meet you half-way, then perhaps it's time to speak with your boyfriend one last time.
I'd say it's a healthy mix of love, and occasionally a patently unhealthy sign of dependency and insecurity. If you're partner acts in a way that warrants concern, a little jealousy is normal. But some people will become jealous and possessive no matter what you do, and I find that it's usually a personal issue that should ideally be resolved.
I try and steer clear of emotions such as need, and dependency wherever possible. I find its a sign that I'm losing a grip on the foundations of happiness as an individual, on my own terms, my own passions, friends and interests.
This can only be understood by being 100% practical.
1. When you are in love with someone, pretty deep within, you get a feeling that he/she should only be with you. Its human nature. Then jealousy arises.
2. In the 2nd case, when you simple do not trust your partner, then jealous comes in between the relation.
3. These two things can get interlinked to each other. But too much love is always there, otherwise you simple do not care what your partner is doing at all!
These situations can different for everybody, it is up to you to decide that which point fits exactly with your current situation. Best of luck with your relation
In my opinion when you are in love a certain amount of jealousy is normal. My advice is to mention to him how you feel when he flirts and ask if he could tone in down? .....now this is key, if he reacts with "of course I will I didn't realise it was hurting you", he cares how you feel and is a keeper!
There is more than one cause of jealousy - with one being a lack of trust. Another is a lack of confidence in yourself.
I'd suggest you first discover why you're jealous, and then figure out how to deal with it.
Jealousy is a natural occurrence in a human being. It is usually a sign of some kind of insecurity. It is not really love. However, people who love someone tend to have to deal with jealousy.
A relationship that is lacking of jealousy is not healthy. Sometimes, proper jealousy is a sign of true love.
by Sarah 4 years ago
Do you believe that with trust there is no jealousy, or is there always jealousy?I think if a person really trust the other one, there will be no jealousy. What do you think? Are you a jealous person or do you just can't trust?
by Annie 3 years ago
Does Jealousy Prove Love?He just wouldn't control his Jealousy, and it putting a damper into our relationship. or am I reading too much into it.?
by jessyferari1 6 years ago
I am going through a difficult time in my relationshipI have chosen to stay with my boyfriend, after what he did to me. I say I forgive him, but deep down I still feel betrayed and will never forget the humilation, but then I love him too much to let him go. for a bit I was cold and wasn't my...
by Jluvies 9 years ago
My boyfriend wants me to conform to his rules and is trying to teach me structure and discipline. I don't agree with what it's doing to our relationship or how it is making me feel. It just so happens that I decided to write about it last night- < no self-promotional links> And...
by Wissam Qawasmeh 3 years ago
If a girl is not jealous, does that mean she doesn't love you?
by Simon Setlhare 6 years ago
Is it good to be jealous about your partner in relationship?
Copyright © 2019 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
HubPages Inc, a part of Maven Inc.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|