Jealousy is having No Trust or Too Much Love?

1. 60

   SoleiMarieposted 13 years ago

   This is the first time I have been into a relationship because I was too career focused. My boyfriend used to be a renowned playboy and I often feel the jealousy inside. I get irritated when he is with other girls because I can feel that he is flirting with them but it seemed natural to him; but it is not to me. I am jealous because I don't trust him or simply because I love him enough for me to get jealous?

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   1. 61

      deblippposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Jealousy is not love. It is natural to feel jealous and it is something that most people feel, but it is not love.
      
      Jealousy can have many causes, and it is important to look within, and look at the relationship, to discover what those causes are.
      
      Do you trust your boyfriend? If you don't, you can explore the reasons for that. Is it that he is in some way not trustworthy, or that you are reluctant to be vulnerable, or a combination?
      
      Are you insecure? If you don't love yourself, it is easy to see others as more desirable than you. What combination of reassurance from your boyfriend and working on your own self-worth would help?
      
      Are your needs being met? Often, we are jealous because things we need in the relationship aren't being provided. Instead of addressing harmless flirting, perhaps you can ask for more of the XYZ that would be satisfying to you.
      
      Do you have unrealistic expectations? Sometimes when we fall in love with expect our beloved to be everything to us, but that is not possible. For example, if you love your boyfriend and also love tennis, it doesn't follow that your boyfriend absolutely must play tennis with you. You may need a separate tennis buddy.
      
      All of these questions help us understand our own jealousy and figure out what to do next.

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2. 62

   Jonathan Jancoposted 13 years ago

   If you didnt love him you wouldnt get jealous because you wouldnt care enough, unless its purely an ego thing. And it does sound like you dont trust him and have some reasons for that. You could always play the same game and see how he reacts.
   

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3. 0

   Emile Rposted 13 years ago

   I would say it is a lack of trust on your part, but that doesn't necessarily equate to a problem with you. If his behavior is innocent, then you'd have to work on your issues. If his behavior goes beyond flirty dialogue during a chance encounter, then I'd say he isn't totally committed to the relationship and your trust issues are justified.

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4. 68

   kerlynbposted 13 years ago

   My two cents, jealousy is normal. But I think flirting as a habit is not normal and the person who does just that, well, deserves to be dumped (ouch)! And getting jealous almost all the time is simply a cause of so much stress!
   
   Really,people deserve to be happy and have peace of mind whenever they are in relationships. 
   
   I cannot say whether or not you lack the trust based on the few details you said.
    
   So if you feel that you are so bothered  by his actions already, convinced that your reactions are reasonable,and he is unwilling to meet you half-way, then perhaps it's time to speak with your boyfriend one last time.

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5. 96

   thooghunposted 13 years ago

   I'd say it's a healthy mix of love, and occasionally a patently unhealthy sign of dependency and insecurity. If you're partner acts in a way that warrants concern, a little jealousy is normal. But some people will become jealous and possessive no matter what you do, and I find that it's usually a personal issue that should ideally be resolved.
   
   I try and steer clear of emotions such as need, and dependency wherever possible. I find its a sign that I'm losing a grip on the foundations of happiness as an individual, on my own terms, my own passions, friends and interests.

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6. 77

   Hunbbel Meerposted 13 years ago

   This can only be understood by being 100% practical.
   
   1. When you are in love with someone, pretty deep within, you get a feeling that he/she should only be with you. Its human nature. Then jealousy arises.
   
   2. In the 2nd case, when you simple do not trust your partner, then jealous comes in between the relation.
   
   3. These two things can get interlinked to each other. But too much love is always there, otherwise you simple do not care what your partner is doing at all!
   
   These situations can different for everybody, it is up to you to decide that which point fits exactly with your current situation. Best of luck with your relation

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7. 60

   bell du jourposted 13 years ago

   In my opinion when you are in love a certain amount of jealousy is normal.  My advice is to mention to him how you feel when he flirts and ask if he could tone in down? .....now this is key, if he reacts with "of course I will I didn't realise it was hurting you", he cares how you feel and is a keeper!

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8. 80

   Rafiniposted 13 years ago

   There is more than one cause of jealousy - with one being a lack of trust.  Another is a lack of confidence in yourself.
   
   I'd suggest you first discover why you're jealous, and then figure out how to deal with it.

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9. 60

   TJenkins602posted 13 years ago

   Jealousy is a natural occurrence in a human being. It is usually a sign of some kind of insecurity. It is not really love. However, people who love someone tend to have to deal with jealousy.

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10. 76

    ubanichijiokeposted 13 years ago

    A relationship that is lacking of jealousy is not healthy. Sometimes, proper jealousy is a sign of true love.

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