What Price Do You Put on Loyalty?

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   Gordon Hamiltonposted 13 years ago

   It's a question that can have many interpretations. It can relate to one to one relationships, blood family relationships...or friendship or business relationships and more.
   
   I've been pondering this for the past few days because I was very recently let down badly by someone whom I considered a friend, yet they stole my idea and published it on another site. That fact is history; I can't prove it and it's therefore irrelevant.
   
   I'm just thinking: how would you treat a friend who betrayed you in this way? Would you turn the other cheek? Would you end up being arrested for assault? Would you quietly simmer and calm down eventually?
   
   Is there a right answer...???

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      Randy Godwinposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I've had the same thing happen to me several time by the same person after confiding in them about subjects I had researched.  They just became indignant and said I don't own the internet.  I was foolish to trust them twice, but I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.  Friends no more! 

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      Ramsa1posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      This type of betrayal happens more often than we realize. It has happened to me - at my last place of employment, with former friends, and within my family. I have cut off all dealings with such people, unless I absolutely have to deal with them.
      
      As for the Christian concept of turning the other cheek, I wouldn't. I would take action to protect myself and my interests. I would do my best to forgive, but I would not offer the other cheek.
      
      I would move on with my life and find other people to deal with and have relationships with. There are now seven billion of us on the planet.

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      PurvisBobbi44posted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Have you confronted him about it? Did you two discuss the idea as something you both would do together? Or did you both just talk about it, and stated it was a good idea. 
      After you evaluate the entire conversation, and you feel this person stole the idea from you—then get an attorney—or advice from legal agency. Do not play Rambo, and show your immature side---everyone has one—no offense to you----. The last question----Is it worth all this effort when you can come up with something on your own, and patent it when you do.
      And if he did steal from you---he is not your friend----and I would put him in the category of pass and re-pass---that means only when you happen to run into him, speak and go on, do not be overly friendly. I know you have hear this saying with friends like that who needs enemies.

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   knolyourselfposted 13 years ago

   I would think first you would confront them and go from there.

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      habeeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I agree - and don't do it with email or "air your dirty laundry" on FB for everyone to see. That's what cowards do. Be an adult and discuss the situation, on the phone or in person. Every argument has two sides.
      
      I know how you feel about friends stealing your ideas. I have an ex-friend who wrote on the EXACT same topics I wrote on - on the same site. I didn't complain. I simply moved mine. Then, when I wrote on a sort-of related topic that he was thinking about writing on (on a differnt site), he went ballistic and has accused me of all sorts of crazy things that aren't even related to writing. If the person refuses to discuss it with you as an adult, write him off and don't lose a wink of sleep. Life is too short. You're better off without him!

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   Cagsilposted 13 years ago

   Accept them for their faults and move on.

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   wildernessposted 13 years ago

   First, carefully examine the problem - is it possible that the "friend" did not see it in the same light?  Is there any chance they think the idea is theirs, or that you would never use it?
   
   If no (expected from your description) then accept that you made a bad choice of friend and move on with your life. 
   
   Probably without friend, but if I were to remain friendly (as opposed to ignoring them) it would be very unlikely that I would ever trust them again with anything of any confidentiality or even with property.

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   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   Some people are just like that, Gordon.
   
   I have had many friends over the years, but always at some stage they let you down (well, not always, I still have one or two people I can count on).
   
   I would let the person know how let down you feel, and then shut then out of your life forever.
   
   Real, true friends would never do that.

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   K9keystrokesposted 13 years ago

   Humans are just that, human. One thing about humans is that at some point they will let you down. Cags has a good point in the acceptance arena. For me though, loyalty is not just a word, and friendship is not just a passing fancy. I consider you a good friend here on HubPages Gordon, so I call you "my friend" in signing off or greeting you. This holds weight with me. It has to have meaning. When a friend fails you, it is not a light happening. I often find that a misunderstanding has taken place when such situations as you describe take place. If you have checked in with this friend of yours and still feel betrayed, you must let them go. Friendship has value and is an exchange of commitment between two or more people. You deserve as much respect as you dish out. I hope you can manage to repair your situation with this person, if not, you have simply learned a painful lesson. And this is where Cags' advice falls into play, "Accept them for their faults and keep moving forward!
   
   HubHugs my friend~
   K9

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7. 75

   IzzyMposted 13 years ago

   It hurts when someone lets us down, especially if this friend was one we confided in, and they us.
   
   But I have read your profile, or hubs or where it said you had to start again, so everything you earn now is thanks to YOUR hard work online.
   
   This may seem minor to someone who doesn't depend on the internet for a living, but for those of who do, this is a body blow.
   
   Absolutely, dump them. Be friendly if this is someone you come face to face with, but never ever confide in them again. It's finished.
   
   They can do it once, they can do it again.

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      K9keystrokesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I know what you mean IzzyM, confiding in someone then realizing you've been taken advantage of is a very painful crummy thing!  Shame on the people who betrayed both you and Gordon.
      HubHugging you both~
      K9

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         IzzyMposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Aw that is sweet
         
         Lots of hubhugging in return
         
         But in my own situation I've been let down in real life, not online. But it's the same thing.
         
         I have a feeling Gordon has confided in someone he knows face to face as opposed to online, but someone else in a similar game.
         
         Whatever, it's a let-down, and if they do it once, they will do it again.
         
         Anyone who has ever had a business knows that you do not do this, unless you are so desperate to get to the top you are prepared to trample on everybody you meet.
         
         Some business people are like that. They are not friends of mine.

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            K9keystrokesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

            I agree without a doubt! Finding success at the cost of someones pain or discomfort is just despicable.

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               Cagsilposted 13 years agoin reply to this

               That is seriously subjective in it's own right. Realistically, people cause themselves pain for things which are not even their own fault.

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8. 82

   Gordon Hamiltonposted 13 years ago

   Thanks to everyone for the wonderful replies here and I'm sorry for the delay in getting back to the thread but the severe weather here in Scotland has had me away from my PC most of the time. Your collective advice is excellent and I appreciate your help and support more than you can know. I felt so let down by a long time friend but a lesson has been learned and I will most definitely not lower myself to air dirty laundry in public (even though the guilty party is most definitely not a Hubber)
   
   Thanks again, everyone,
   
   Gordon

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   GoodLadyposted 13 years ago

   It's good to talk about it.  Helps to 'get it out', lean on other friends' shoulders.  Passes with love (eventually) because, well, here we are!  Sorry though.  That was a real bummer.  Very painful.  Who needs that?

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