Have you ever disliked someone out of loyalty?

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   dashingscorpioposted 10 years ago

   Have you ever disliked someone out of loyalty?
   
   Maybe this person hurt a friend, sibling, or co-worker in some way (but) they have never been anything but kind towards you. Should your friend's enemies be your enemies by default? Is it (mature) to allow your friend's experiences with someone to effect your behavior towards them?

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   JThomp42posted 10 years ago

   As adults, I do not think it mature to not like someone just because a friend has a problem with this person. Especially if they have never shown any disrespect toward you or shown any problems with you whatsoever.

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree.

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      JThomp42posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you dashing.

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   peachpurpleposted 10 years ago

   Yeah, I don't think it is wise to dislike someone although that person did not hurt you indirectly but somehow, the person who had been hurt gives  you the negative information and you will naturally be on guard of that  person. It is human being's natural habit.

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   relawsheposted 10 years ago

   I think if the person has always been kind towards you, then it is appropriate to be kind in return to them.  If you have a friend who does not like or associate with that person, then you can do your friend a favor and not put both of them in the same room together, because that would be awkward for them, but there's no reason why you cannot remain friends with that person on your own time. 
   And even if you want to remain loyal to your friend and not associate with the offensive person, that doesn't mean that you have to be mean or rude to them.  You can still be courteous to them while limiting your interactions with that person.

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      SandCastlesposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      It really depends on what the person did to your friend. Did a man brutally beat your friend and put her in the hospital on several occassions. Is he a remorseless monster but is nice to you? Would you be polite and kind to this man?

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      relawsheposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I agree that it depends on what the person has done to your friend.  I was operating under the assumption that since the question was asking about "disliking" someone, I assumed that we were talking about more "minor" infractions like gossiping.

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   The_Idea_Galposted 10 years ago

   I thought about this and here's what I've found to be true.  In my experience the people who have been unkind to my friends and family usually are not nice to me either. I have never had someone be extremely nice to me and not treat the people I care about well.
   
   If I were to encounter someone who was good to me but treated my close friends and loved ones badly, I guess I would have to question their integrity, as someone who is not in line with the people I share the same values with. 
   
   Usually you can read a person and get a gut feeling on whether they are genuine or not. With that said, I treat others with the same respect and kindness that they extend to me.

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   djdaniel150posted 10 years ago

   My answer, yes! If my best friend don't like you, then I don't like either. Its nothing personal either, but I'm not going to pick sides between someone I do not know and my best friend. Friends win out in the end. Loyalty can go a long way. Its a matter of trust. Would you trust someone you hardly know, or your best friend you've known for 16 years? Think about that!

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   Babytechposted 10 years ago

   Yes! A few times. When I care for someone, it is hard to stand and watch how someone else is hurting my friend. I know, it's not the best way. But I like to defend my loved ones. I don't think it's a mistake to dislike someone out of loyalty, but we all must assume responsabilities for our action. I'm loyal. I like to defend. I assume my actions. With no regrets.

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   SandCastlesposted 10 years ago

   It depends. I don't just jump on the bandwagon. It depends on the situation. In situations where someone is envious and they try to get everyone to hate a target, that is a different story. These people are usually narcissistic and want to be the boss and they pressure people. I don't go in for that; I will not simply dislike someone because someone decides that I am not supposed to like them, "Okay nobody is allowed to talk to Molly because she looked at me funny". These types use people to punish other people and play the shunning game. No thanks. That behaviour is not mature at all and it is downright cruel and I think people who go along are spineless. They are so eager to be accepted that they quickly hate whoever the 'boss' tells them to hate-which is pathetic.
   
   If someone is hurtful and cruel to someone I care about; that is a different story. To be friends with this person is disloyalty. People have to make choices; they can't always sit on the fence. People who do this are often looking for the best deal for them; they don't want to burn any bridges so they don't take sides. They don't even stand up or say anything. This is cowardice and being self-serving. But it all comes down to the situation.
   
   If someone is cruel and hurts you (they've hit you, they've slandered you, they attack you, etc...) and your 'friend' does not have your back, they are not a friend; they are a self-serving rat fink. 
   
   But if someone just doesn't like someone and they want to lead you around by the nose, they are not respecting your free will. They are using you like a guard dog. Some people are control freaks. You can't even smile at the person they've decided to dislike. You can't be polite or engage small talk. You have to scowl at them. No-in those situations, the person who is 'hating' is wrong and unreasonable.

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   LoisRyan13903posted 10 years ago

   Yes I tend to do that as well.  Usually the one who is doing the hurting is not my friend anyway.  I know as a Christian I should not do that but I guess my human nature takes over.  But if my friend does not like someone for a petty reason but the other person didn't do anything to my friend, I won't dislike her.  When I dislike the other person, I will just not talk to her-I won't be mean or anything

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    WalterPoonposted 10 years ago

    Actually, I am not the best person to answer this question because I never believe in loyalty. If you are right, you are right, and if you are wrong, I will tell you straight in the face. But I must admit that I've mellowed with age. What is the point of confrontation, if I can avoid it. After all, not everyone likes me, so why should I be holier than thou?
    
    So coming back to your question... if that person is kind to me, I will ask him why he did what he did and listen to his explanation. If I find something wrong with his explanation, I will be on guard. But if it's just a misunderstanding, then I will tell the other party accordingly. But I will never make my friend's enemy my own.

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    step2csposted 10 years ago

    The multiplicity of the question makes it hard to answer. If the question is, do you dislike someone JUST BECAUSE your friend has a problem with them, then the answer is no unless you are still child. If the question is do you dislike someone who you know for a fact emotionally HURT your friend or loved one, then it is probably right to stand-by your friend.  If we are talking about wife-beaters and violent people physically Hurting your friend or loved-one, then its quite obvious that you have reasons to dislike the offending person regardless if they are "nice" to you.

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    jdw7979posted 10 years ago

    Yes, I have. We humans are flawed, and often at that. However, most of us take friendship and family very, very seriously on a personal basis. If a person shows the capability of backing you up in certain scenarios you are more likely to take their word on something regarding a stranger or someone you hardly know.
    
    Sadly, we do this. All I can say is in regards to over coming this. Just be open minded, unless said person your loyalty is geared against is truly known to be a bad person or evil, make up your own mind while explaining such to your friend.
    
    You may however upset the status of your personal relationship with the individual you share loyalty with. So, be careful.
    
    We all judge to some degree. Sometimes justifiably so and most times, not so much. Life is nothing but curveballs, so swing away and when on base, put forth some smarts and make good, thought out instead of rash decisions. Though, we do not have a 1st and 3rd base coach to help us..

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