Is it truly,TRULY possible for two gay men to be friends?

1. 59

   McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

   I get such conflicting feelings on this. Most of the men I know have been intimate with the person they tried to be friends with..and it ruined the friendship. And the ones that don't...it happens anyway down the line. I don't personally have many other gay male friends. Most of my friends are heterosexual males. Any guy I've ever personally tried to be friends with has ended in either me having feelings for them, or them having feelings for me. Advice?

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      mistyhorizon2003posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Yes they definitely can be just friends. We know a couple of gay guys who share a house/home and have done for many years. Neither are in a relationship, and one is in very poor health. The one gay man looks after the other gay man  who is in poor health, and they socialise etc together often. This has never been a problem and they have lived together as a 'non-couple' for at least 20 years that I am aware of.

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      kimberlyslyricsposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      go with the feeling, where is the struggle?

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2. 84

   psycheskinnerposted 12 years ago

   It is no different to whether a heterosexual man and women being friends, yes of course.  I mean, if you grandfather turned out to be gay would you immediately have sex with him?
   
   Now, if you meet a new hot gay guy is it realistic to assume you can just decide not to want to have sex with him?  No, not really.  Emotions are not under full voluntary control.
   
   Each case is different.

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3. 59

   McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

   I think the grandfather comment is irrelevant. It's an entirely different situation, because thats a blood relative. Plus, that was kind of inappropriate and uncalled for. I don't appreciate it.
   
   Honestly, I find it hard for men and women to be friends as well. There is usually always some feeling there.

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4. 84

   psycheskinnerposted 12 years ago

   I was using an extreme argument to show that obviously some gay men can be platonic friends.  Which is what you asked.  Then the question is how many gay mean can do it how much.  And that depends on who they mix with how they conduct themselves.  Are you mixing exclusively with gay men who you find attractive and who would have sex with you upon request?  Because maybe if so you need a broader social group in order to have a broader range of relationship types.
   
   As a women I have a lot of male and female friends and have slept with almost none of them because that just is not our dynamic, or they are in exclusive relationships, they are a mentor or professional contact (against office rules) or I don't fancy them or they don't fancy me or that just isn't our thing.  Honestly, I think a social network where every orientation-appropriate gendered person is a potential hook-up is a fairly impoverished one.

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5. 59

   McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

   Just because you haven't done anything with them, doesn't mean the feeling isn't there for at least one of you,though.

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6. 67

   amymarie_5posted 12 years ago

   I think so. Why not? If a straight man and a straight woman be friends then why couldn't two gay men be friends. Just cuz two people are gay doesn't mean they have to be attracted to each other.

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7. 90

   jesimpkiposted 12 years ago

   Its definitely possible. Especially between two guys who feel no sexual attraction to one another.

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8. 59

   McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

   I guess. It's just been in my own experience that every guy I've been friends with has wanted more from me.

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      jesimpkiposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I definitely understand where you're coming from.  The best thing to do is avoid looking for friends on hookup sites.  Of course, being guys doesn't really help either   Just be up front about what you do and don't expect from other people.

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9. 59

   McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

   Eww..I don't do hookup sites. I believe in finding your own person.
   
   When I've been up front, basically that person just stopped talking to me entirely.

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10. 90

    jesimpkiposted 12 years ago

    Haha, good then, at least you don't have to deal with all of that garbage.

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11. 59

    McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

    I'm an old soul when it comes to men. I'm a romantic, I wanna fall in love for all the right reasons. Even if I just want to have "fun", I still want to do it for all the right reasons. But it would be nice to know some guys have your back, without wanting your backside.

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12. 90

    jesimpkiposted 12 years ago

    I'll drink to that. I'm not well versed on the old soul thing but I've been told that I have an old one several times.  Guys like that are so hard to find.

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    1. 59

       McQueen3486posted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Haha, I'm not well versed either..I just thought it sounded good.

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    2. 59

       McQueen3486posted 12 years agoin reply to this

       And thank you for your caring and concern. It's sweet.

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13. 90

    jesimpkiposted 12 years ago

    Anytime

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14. 60

    winterdust2003posted 12 years ago

    Feeling are feelings but that does not mean you can not befriends the feelings are good sometimes it brings people closer and makes it easer to have someone to talk too

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15. 58

    MelissaBarrettposted 12 years ago

    As a bi-sexual, I got to say that if I couldn't be friends with a member of the gender I was attracted to, I would be a very very lonely person.
    
    In short, gay men are really no different than anyone else, they don't necessarily jump on every person of their sexual orientation.  To suggest that they do kinda perpetuates the "Gay men are promiscuous" stereotype.

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16. 59

    McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

    I didn't suggest that at all. I'm saying from my own experience, I haven't encountered having friends lucky enough to want to just be my friend.

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17. 89

    cheryloneposted 12 years ago

    McQueen3486, I think you are trying too hard.  If you are honest and the person just leaves, then they weren't a good friend/lover/person to begin with.  Relax, you'll find friends out there, sometimes it just takes time.  But, in answer to your question, yes, it is possible for two gay men to be friends, just like it is possible for a heterosexual man and woman to be friends, it's just not always easy.

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18. 59

    McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

    I don't think it's possible for a man and a woman to be friends. That's just my opinion. And where do you get that I am trying too hard? Where did I even suggest that? If anything, I was probably the more casual one in the situation.

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19. 59

    McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

    I'm just looking for a guy that doesn't want to jump me. I don't know where that translates to trying too hard.

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       livelongerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       How are you making friends? At bars and clubs, those that approach you are probably physically attracted to you.
       
       I have plenty of gay friends who I'm not attracted to, and that are not attracted to me. We usually met outside the bar scene.

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20. 59

    McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

    No, normal guys I meet through friends. I don't meet guys in bars. I think many of you are taking what is being said way out of context. No disrespect, but I didn't hint at any of that.

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    1. 85

       livelongerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I didn't say you hinted at it. I'm gay and know that young gay men often meet each other in bars.

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21. 59

    McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

    When I go to bars, it's dance with my friends, have some drinks, and enjoy the night.

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    kimberlyslyricsposted 12 years ago

    Is this thread seriously still alive?  we are all stating the same thing one way or another or did I miss the contest rules on who gets the prize for sounding politically correct to a question that first has no answer except within and secondly is ridiculous to be an issue at all DO WHAT YOU FEEL AND FEEL WHAT YOU DO
    
    goodnight

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    1. 59

       McQueen3486posted 12 years agoin reply to this

       Why don't you go bitch elsewhere?

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23. 59

    McQueen3486posted 12 years ago

    And I figured you were,lol.

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24. 88

    mistyhorizon2003posted 12 years ago

    As a heterosexual woman I do have plenty of male friends who I couldn't imagine for one moment sleeping with, so I do firmly believe a man and a woman can be friends. Heck, one of my best friends here on Hubpages is 'Bardofely' and we shared an apartment in Tenerife for over a year, yet whilst he is one of my very greatest friends, I could never imagine wanting to sleep with him, and I am sure if you asked him he would say the same about me. We still had a good few beers together though, and we still meet up if I visit Tenerife (where we shared the apartment).
    Meanwhile, where I live now, I also have many male friends, and most of them I would not not consider sleeping with under any circumstances even if I were single, (which I am not). This does not mean I don't enjoy a laugh and a joke with them though, not to mention a good few games of pool and a few beers (I usually win the pool games )
    
    I am sure, in fact I know, this is also possible for gays, and as I said in an earlier post, we have friends who are gay and who have happily lived as friends in the same home for years, just NOT as a couple.

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25. 78

    brimancandyposted 11 years ago

    I have a former ex, whom I dated in 1985, and I broke up with him the same year. We quickly started to hang out with each other, and found that we were better off being friends. We are still friends to this day, and I just talked to him on the phone around Thanks Giving. I'm sure he will probably call to wish me a Merry Christmas tomorrow. But, I most likely won't be home when he does.
    
    I also have many friends through gay camping. I have had sex with only a couple of the dozens of friends I have made there. A lot of them are also my friends on facebook. So, yes, you can certainly be friends with a gay man, without it being sexual. Though there are some who think friends with benefits is included in their friendship with you, and get kind of upset, when the friendship doesn't include sex. But, very few of the men I know are like that. The ones that are, well, they are kind of annoying.

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26. 78

    brimancandyposted 8 years ago

    I have many gay friends. However they are mostly friends that I only see in the summer at my local gay campground. I usually tell them up front that I am not interested in them sexually after hanging out with them for a while. I also have friends that I am very attracted to who say the same to me. I feel it is about respecting someones space, no matter what their sexuality is.
    
    I also had three gay friends I worked with every day. I knew that one of them was attracted to me, but , i wasn't attracted to him, and he also had a very handsome partner, and I didn't want to be the other woman. That has happened tome before, did not end up well.
    
    I also worked with a very hot looking straight kid, who was more than friendly. He used to look at me, and say. "I know you are looking at my ass...stop it!" then he would laugh. he knew I was gay, and used to rub his hotness in my face, by showing me how he could flex his biceps. WOOF!! Then another kid that worked there told me Mr. Hotness was bi.
    
    But, I have gay friends who are very jealous of their partners and friends. One of my new friends calls me "Cock Blocker." because I often end up getting the attention of someone he's interested in. But, my friend doesn't know how hot he is. All you have to do is be friendly and guys respond. Act like you are jealous or angry. They stay away.

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