I am not good at marriages! Being a single mother in the past, I learned to depend on myself to take care of my daughter and I. 3 years and 3 children later, I still find myself in that "Single Mother State of Mind". My husband has completely checked--out. We are like roommates raising children. He on the couch, myself in the master.
Am I naive to think that Marriage is happiness. Our resentment for eachother has escalated into an uncontrollable wild fire. I am angry at myself for thinking that I could depend on him. His insecurity is so unattractive. I cannot bring myself to be around him. We are around eachother 24 hours a day. His controlling behavior makes me want to run far away and never look back!
He cannot / will not work until he has served his probation on ridiculous DUI charges, which I will not get into details because it angers me the way the authorities went about the arrest. Small Towns---Small Minds.
I now find myself back in the Single Mom Role--looking for a job, thinking of only myself and my children.....
Sounds like you are in a pickle. With 3 kids there are no easy answers.
Try and go to counseling but before doing that you need to have a heart to heart conversation with him. Be honest and use "I feel" language instead of accusatory language (you). Tell him you need help and can't do everything. Then get his feedback and create a working structure and new vision for your marriage and your relationship.
My guess is his irresponsibility did not just start. Sometimes we as women "suffer" because we just take up the slack of other people instead of calling them on their short comings. Then we get resentful when we should have addressed the run away train as soon as it started moving instead of waiting till it's out of control.
Marriages and relationships can be saved. It takes honesty, work, and restructure.
by HUGS4AZ 6 years ago
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