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Hurt In The Church

Updated on July 28, 2016

A Chance Meeting

I love to swim, so I took the bus to the local recreation center so that I could go swimming. The time in the water was wonderful! At the end of my swim, I left the center and returned to the bus-stop to get on the next bus which would take me home.

When I got on the bus I sat next to a young man who had his foot in a cast. Because I am interested in people (which is often mistaken for being nosey), I asked the young man what happened to his foot. I told him that I was sure that many people had asked him before I had, so, if he didn't want to talk to me about it I certainly understood.

He was a kind young man and said that it was no trouble and that he didn't mind talking about it. His story started off about how after being in my city for 8 months, his life began a downward spiral and how comfortless he found "church people". Although his story started off about his foot, his major hurt was not his physical pain, but that emotional pain that comes from people.

I Was There For You.....

He was summoned here from a state several hundred miles away. A relative needed help and he would not deny their request. The first 6 months were wonderful. His life was going well, family, school, work all scored high on the proverbial "good life" score card.

After those 6 months, things changed. Trouble here, trouble there, suddenly the relative that needed him a few months earlier no longer needed him and didn't want to help him; so, out in the street he went. Not knowing the city he went Into a less than "nice" neighborhood; he was physically attacked, and robbed. The result was the fractured foot.

I asked him if he knew the Lord, he said he did and also that he was not mad at God, but he didn't know what to think because the relatives that were unkind to him were ardent "church goers". They preached love but they acted otherwise.

He was hurt...they could have at least gotten him back home. He had been there for them, but they were not there for him...

People Are People

There are many, many people who have turned their backs on God,Christianity, Jesus and the church, because they have been hurt.

There are two perspectives to this; the first is; "The church is full of people who are just people". The pastors and leaders are just people who have been called to do something for the Lord, they are themselves not the Lord. It is unfair and unreasonable to expect that the people who lead in the church would never offend or hurt you. They are just people.

The second perspective is this; "The Body of Christ is responsible to pray daily for each member." By doing this, the Lord can situate the intervention needed to help a person who has been hurt recover from their wounds.

Case in pount: I never take the bus. The Lord had me situated to get on that bus at that exact time so this young man could be ministered to; by the Spirit of God, I told him how the love of God would not hurt him; he was not alone, there are many who love him without knowing him, many who pray for him without seeing him. Although his circumstances were incredulous and the hurt was burning inside, it was his responsibility to practice forgiveness. Forgiveness would release him from his pain. In forgiveness is our victory.....

We prayed and cried together on that bus. The tears never quite reaching our cheeks, but whelling up filling the almond shape of our eyes. The prayer, aloud without regard to the curious who sat nearby. The result...we may not know until we meet in eternity.

Children of God

Church hurt can be deep and lasting. It cuts to the core of your very being. It makes you feel betrayed...those who you trusted with the depth of your being have hurt you. You put your trust in them, you believed in them, you never thought they would hurt you but they did; and, you don't know how they could have done that to you.

Here is not the place to analyze why it happens, who really cares why it happens; the reality is it happens. People are going to get hurt in the church, it is unavoidable . Something someone said, something someone did, something someone didn't do.....In fact, I don't know anyone who has been in the church over 5 years who has not been hurt by the church. But, those of us who are no longer hurt must offer solace and understanding to those who are presently hurt.

Work on Yourself

No matter how "wonderful" you are, you are part of the problem. (Don't get offended...) You ask how? "How am I a part of the problem??? I don't bother anybody...I am always nice." We are all a part of the problem because we all offend others at one time or another. Our intention may not be to offend, so, we often happens offend without knowing what we have. And, many times those who have been offended do not have the strength to confront the issue. They just lick their wounds and shrink back. (What a mess! )

So, what is the conclusion??? The conclusion is that since we are subject to offend, (some of us more than others), we should work on ourselves. We can never be perfect, but we can improve ourselves. This can be tricky because we have to choose a standard to measure our improvement progress. Usually, the standard chosen is the current socially accepted behavior. Well, that's not good because in different cultures, there are different things that are acceptable.

The best thing to do is get saved, filled with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of praying in other tongues and spend quality time reading the Word of God and praying in tongues!

There is Hope: Devotional Prayers for the Hurting Heart
There is Hope: Devotional Prayers for the Hurting Heart
We look for deliverance from our pain to come as quickly as possible. Well, the pain didn't come in one day so, it won't leave in n=one day. This book of devotionals covers 90 days. Each day moving you closer to your destiny of freedom.

What Did You Say?

That's right. Get saved, baptized with the Holy Spirit with the evidence of praying in tongues and spend time reading the Word of God and praying in tongues.

What happens when you do this? YOU CHANGE!!! You may still offend people, but you if you continue in the faith and the actions of studying and prayer, you will gain the wisdom of God. This wisdom will help you become more sensitive to others. It won't guarantee that you will never offend or be offended again, but it will guarantee a greater understanding of yourself and of the needs of others.

Heal the Hurt

What Can I do Until My Change Comes...

Learn to listen to others. You never know when someone is about to open up to you and bare their soul. You ask the Lord to use you all of the time...expect Him to use you and be bold so that He can. Don't get angry at the person or the situation that hurt the person you are listening to. Stay in the "God Zone", so you can tell them what God wants to tell them not what your flesh wants to tell them. Practice being empathetic with others. Remember your past hurt and remember you have overcome that pain. Above all , learn how to pray for someone other than yourself , and your needs.

"Be slow to speak, swift to hear and slow to wrath, for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God". James 1:19-20, King James version of the Holy Bible .

Jesus came to set the captives free and that includes folks who have been hurt by the church.


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    • LeslieAdrienne profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie A. Shields 

      7 years ago from Georgia

      So true Ikechiawazie... thanks for your comment

    • ikechiawazie profile image

      Ikechi Awazie 

      7 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

      I feel for the young lad but the truth is that people will hurt us even those we call brethren. The only thing we can do is love them and pray for them.

    • LeslieAdrienne profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie A. Shields 

      9 years ago from Georgia


      Thank you for your comment. I have to read your article.

      The one and only time that I spoke with the young man is when we were on the bus. I have never seen him again. My prayer is that everything worked out for him.

      I am still very much in ministry and to the glory of God, I am now healed from any church hurt that I had. It was not easy, but it has been accomplished.

    • donnaisabella profile image

      Isabella Mukanda 

      9 years ago from Fort Myers

      I did a hub called "The Problem with the Church is...", it actually linked me to yours and I am glad to interact with your perspective. I was just wondering, how far did you and this young man go in your ministry? (You do not have to answer me, I am just interested in your conclusion).

    • LeslieAdrienne profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie A. Shields 

      9 years ago from Georgia

      Thanks you SylviaSky... God Bless you

    • SylviaSky profile image

      Sylvia Sky 

      9 years ago from USA

      Very beautiful Hub on prayer.

    • LeslieAdrienne profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie A. Shields 

      10 years ago from Georgia

      Love your comment Unchained. There is nothing I can say except your comment should be developed into a hub...It is insightful and full of holy boldness.

      God Bless you and thank you....

    • Unchained Grace profile image

      Unchained Grace 

      10 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      First of all, I am the single caucasian in an all Black church located in Baltimore City. It is here I came to meet the Apostle of Deliverance (Bishop Kenneth A. Savage) and Pastor Stella Ross. Holy Truth Temple of Deliverance is an extremely hardcore deliverance ministry and to be fair, it is not for everyone.

      It is, however, the church to be in if you are extremely passionate about improving the quality of life for others and to receive Godly training and teaching at levels that blow the mind of most people.

      God had put me in a few churches previous to this and I learned real quick that the easiest way to become 'church hurt' is to walk in looking for God and walk out with someone else's attitude.

      A church is no different from the ER in any hospital. You walk in and are surrounded by others ailing in different ways. You may chat with others, but ultimately, you are there for one reason. You sick and you need healing.

      So, someone else's attitude is just that. It is what it is whether it is derived from whatever ails them or some other issue. Either way, your mission is simple. See the doctor and get healed ASAP. My point? Church ain't no different.

      You gonna find a whole lotta mess coming from others. They ain't your focus. God is. The doctor is in the house, so bag the secondary nonsense and receive your deliverance. Be courteous. Be friendly. At the end of the day, it's your salvation. Your healing.

      Would you allow someone to get in your way if you was in the emergency room to the point where you'd get so fired up you leave without seeing the doctor? Not likely. So, why let some joker mess with your spirit in God's House and have you walking your sorry little self out the door without receiving your healing?

      Hey, we got some crazy praise goin' on at Holy Truth. Since it sounds like you're in a similar situation, I know you know what I mean. We gonna praise those demons right out the door!

      One thing most don't realize is they seem to think God's House is off limits to Satan. Yeah, right. It's his hunting ground, folks. If you ain't in your Word, praised up and prayed up, you got a target on your back with satan's finger on the trigger.

      You gonna let that little monkey steal your praise? You gonna let him steal your joy to the point where you sittin' down on God?

      Truth is, I wouldn't be any other place than where God put me. We just crazy enough to believe Him for the victory!

    • LeslieAdrienne profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie A. Shields 

      10 years ago from Georgia

      Thank you so much...Isn't the Lord wonderful? I love Him with all my heart...He is always on time. He would not have you discouraged or "trippin" behind other Christians. It is important that you know the devil is really, really, mad with you...I am sending your testimony to believers across the will be put in their prayer baskets with the request that the Lord bring you the right fellowship folks. That you be strengthened in the inner man by the power of God; that you feet be as hinds feet, able to maintain their footing in the path of righteousness...and that the devil be exposed in his efforts to discourage you....We have victory and authority over the enemy....We declare the power in the shed blood of the Lord Jesus Christ...You are a part of a powerful family that loves you...and is standing with you for victory in every area of your life....

      Also, You need to try a Black, shouting church....they will smother you with love and allow you liberty to grow in the Lord...send me an email and I'll tell you more...

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      Leslie, you have no idea how much I needed this very message today!

      I have been attending 3 different churches, because of enormous disillusionment over the spirit I am finding. I study alone at home hours each day. Then I attend a church, and no speaks to one another. It is like going to the movies. A room full of people, and everyone only speaking with their family members in hushed whispers--like before a movie starts. This was not what I had envisioned.

      When I try to reach out to them, they often shake my hand politely--but they seem stunned at my brazen friendliness. Honestly--other "Christians" have been the greatest impediment to my Christianity! It should not be this way!

      I woke up at 2 am this morning--dreading that it is Sunday, and that I have to go to church. I SOOO love my Lord, but I feel such pain as I sit in Church--thinking is this the best we can do? How sad! I prayed to God, and told Him--if it is truly your will that I go back to Church today, rather than just study by myself--please give me a clear message. Meantime--you were on my hub, and leaving me a comment on a hub I wrote! So here I am, wanting to find out more about such a loving Christian who would leave me such encouragement. And you have the very hub that I needed to read, my ANSWER from God!

      So I will go to church this morning , and as I sit there--I will think of you Leslie! A new Christian friend that God sent into my life, to let me know that it is Him that I serve in my attending. He sees my obedience, and that is enough for me.

      You are a blessing and God-send to my life this day! May He bless you richly Leslie!

    • LeslieAdrienne profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie A. Shields 

      10 years ago from Georgia

      It is so strange that those who have been given access to the greatest love of all are the ones who seem have the hardest time showing it to others....

    • Dave Mathews profile image

      Dave Mathews 

      10 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

      I understand the confusion of the boy. I attend two different churches because of my love of singing, to worship My God.

      I observe the congregations of both churches before service, during service, and after service. I hardly ever see a smile. They enter, sit there motionless, without uttering a sound throughout the entire service, and leave, again without cracking even a smile. It is like they are zombies, not humans.

      Brother Dave.


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