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Is it something more or just me?

  1. Mom Kat profile image81
    Mom Katposted 5 years ago

    Alright, I have a friend who I haven't seen in over 10 years.  He moved to Alaska, got married, had kids... and his wife is a lot on the jealous side, so we stopped talking way back when he started dating her to avoid issues for him....

    Let me just say I love him.  I love him like an unexplained connection type love.  He was my best friend in high school.  We never dated, but we were super close.

    Anyway, he's generally somewhere in my mind nearly every day, but sometimes its an undeniable HE IS THERE! type of a thing.... It's as if thoughts of him consume my entire being...
    I'll want to be close to him, to talk to him, to see him or hug him.  All of which is impossible, I know.

    So, my question is this:  Am I just missing my very good friend, or is he thinking of me when I get these episodes of thinking of him? 

    When they hit I miss him SO much I often end up crying.  It's like I need to know if he's really happy.  That's what concerns me.  I get the feeling that he isn't happy, but we do have a mutual friend whom talks to his brother & tells me that he IS happy....

    So, am I just crazy?  Maybe I just wish he missed me & thinks of me too.

    1. tammybarnette profile image60
      tammybarnetteposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I bet a million dollars he thinks of you too! I ran into a guy I dated in a highschool 100 yrs ago,lol...anyway we had a song, everytime I heard that song I thought of him...when I saw him he said, "You know everytime I hear Still Loving You(Scorpions, the 80's rocked smile ), I think of you..." Now how cool is that! I am sure he thinks of you often and misses you much; I hope you get an opportunity to catch up with him sometime smile

      1. Mom Kat profile image81
        Mom Katposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        That would be one of the happiest thoughts of my life!
        When he came to see me before he moved forever away, I told him that he was the one that got away.  He said, "really? because you're the one I compare everyone else to."

        1. tammybarnette profile image60
          tammybarnetteposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          AWWW, How sweet is that smile

        2. Marcy Goodfleisch profile image99
          Marcy Goodfleischposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          Wow - that's a pretty clear message, Mom Kat!  My gut says the connection is mutual.  I'd love to see what some of the guys say here.  Guess I need to go back to Start and read the whole thread.

    2. Shyron E Shenko profile image80
      Shyron E Shenkoposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I am sure he thinks of you, And would probably love to hear from you.

      Yes it sounds like much more.

      1. Mom Kat profile image81
        Mom Katposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        At least I'm not totally crazy then... lmao

    3. pennyofheaven profile image76
      pennyofheavenposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      From what I can tell, there are two processes at play here. The spirit (energy if you like) connection and the emotional connection. Little can be done about the energetic connection as we are connected to all things. The emotional connection might need to be severed if you are losing sleep.

  2. paradigmsearch profile image93
    paradigmsearchposted 5 years ago

    A new love can replace an old love...

    1. Mom Kat profile image81
      Mom Katposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I have a "new love"... we've been together for 6 years, engaged for 4 of that & I call him my hubby just to simplify things... lol
      These occurrences have been happening on and off since after high-school & when he went to college, even before he moved to Alaska...
      I never asked him because I didn't want to feel like an idiot... lol
      But I get the feeling it happens when he's stressed, worried, or unhappy.
      I really just want him to be happy & healthy.  Yes I love him, but I love him in a way that doesn't require he love me back (if that makes sense).
      It's not a romantic or sexual love - it's just pure & unconditional.

    2. Mom Kat profile image81
      Mom Katposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      I also have a few female friends that odd things like this happen with...
      I will feel that they need me or want me & I will call them just as they are picking up the phone to call me, or when they answer they'll say "I was just about to call you".
      To which I respond, "I know, I could feel you.  That's why I called."
      But like I said, I don't know if this "feeling that he needs me" is really him reaching out without realizing it, or if it's just me missing him.

  3. janesix profile image60
    janesixposted 5 years ago

    Have you been losing sleep?

    1. Mom Kat profile image81
      Mom Katposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      on the days when he won't get off my mind, yes.

  4. janesix profile image60
    janesixposted 5 years ago

    I think you're manic

    1. Mom Kat profile image81
      Mom Katposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Well thanks Dr. janesix for that diagnosis. 

      I'm empathic.  Sometimes it can be confusing as to who's feelings I'm feeling, especially when there is a close bond.  Most of the time I can tell or at least ask the other person... this isn't one of those cases.
      I've had prophetic dreams, visions, and other psychic experiences so it is entirely possible that he is reaching out during these times.  It could be his stress and worry I am feeling.  Perhaps he had an argument or trouble and is wishing for simpler times like back when we were kids.

      I did post my thread in the pagan/witchcraft section for a reason - because there are those of us who believe in certain abilities & those who don't.

      1. janesix profile image60
        janesixposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        I wasn't trying to be rude or anything. It was just my first impression from what you wrote.

  5. tussin profile image60
    tussinposted 5 years ago

    I think you should try to stop thinking about him and focus on the man you do have, whose actions and presence demonstrate his love for you.  This other guy you used to know, it's just a fantasy you've built up in your mind. He could be fat, toothless and drunk for all you know.  If he was worthy of your attention, he would have dated you all those millions of years ago, but he didn't.  He married some other woman, not you. He didn't pursue you.The man you have now is a man who wants you, and this other guy is not worth your time.

    This is how marriage problems often begin.  A fantasy creeps its way into your thoughts and takes your attention away from things that are more deserving of your attention.

    1. Mom Kat profile image81
      Mom Katposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Clearly you missed the part where I said he was my best friend in school.
      Yes, I love him.  I also love my mom, my dad, my sister, my brothers, my kids, my female friends.... love doesn't always have to be romantic - which again, you must have missed because I also said it is not a romantic or sexual love.

      I care about him, yes, but that doesn't mean I want to "be" with him.
      I just want to know he is happy & it worries me when I get these "feelings" because they are feelings of worry that he isn't alright.
      If a female friend of mine is having difficulty, I want to be with her, hold her, hug her, comfort her - because I love her.  It is the same way with him.  He is a friend whom I love because I'm the kind of person who loves her friends.  It isn't a fantasy creeping in.

      Yip, he is the one that got away & I'm the one he compared all other women to.  We never "dated" because we didn't want to risk losing our friendship if things didn't work out.  Yip, that part is history.

      No he's not bald, fat, or drunk.  He looks a little older because he is a little older.  I've seen recent pictures of him on his brother's facebook page when he went up to Alaska to visit.  Besides that, it doesn't matter because again, I'm not pining away over wanting to be with him, and even if I was - it's what is on the inside that matters....

      Thanks for your negative and irrelevant addition to my post. 

      All I wanted to know was if there was something more behind these episodes which seem to hit me out of the blue.

      1. tussin profile image60
        tussinposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Oh I read your opening post just fine and your hyper-defensiveness speaks volumes.  All the same I wish you the best of luck managing these overwhelming feelings you're experiencing. Here's some more "irrelevant" advice: don't tell your spouse any of this unless you want to create trouble.  Some things are best kept to one's self.

      2. Shyron E Shenko profile image80
        Shyron E Shenkoposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        I know sometimes when I am thinking about someone I care about, somehow I know when somtehing is not right, and I am thinking that is what you are feeling right now.  like a 6th sense.

  6. Jerami profile image71
    Jeramiposted 5 years ago

    Mom Kat wrote
    Alright, I have a friend who I haven't seen in over 10 years.  He moved to Alaska, got married, had kids... and his wife is a lot on the jealous side, so we stopped talking way back when he started dating her to avoid issues for him....

    Let me just say I love him.  I love him like an unexplained connection type love.  He was my best friend in high school.  We never dated, but we were super close.

    ====================

        I (Think) I know what you mean?  Ya can love someone that much and even if you did kiss him it might feel like kissing your brother ...Blaa
       I've talked with people that strongly believe in reincarnation and/or multiple planes of existence type of thing that would talk your ear off about what you might be feeling.
      It seems like something like that is what you were eluding to in your OP ??

        If so and that is the case ?   everything that  tussin said still has some reason for concern,  If you are not sure as to exactly what is going on ?   your signifigant other could be picking up on the signs and also be confused as to .. "what it is".     Misunderstandings less signifigent than this has caused more trouble than we could ever know.   ???     If you don't know what's going on?  neither will your husband.
    Good luch with all of that.

  7. profile image66
    logic,commonsenseposted 5 years ago

    You may love him, but you are also obsessed with him.  That is not healthy regardless of the way your love is expressed.

  8. Mom Kat profile image81
    Mom Katposted 5 years ago

    I didn't ask to be criticized or torn apart here.  I've gotten defensive on quite a few responses because:
    A- it was late & I was tired
    &B - I don't like feeling attacked

    So now I've been told I'm manic, obsessing, and causing issues in my current relationship....

    Can I ask, how many of you took the time to look at the category under which this thread was posted?

    Typically I can express myself quite well, apparently I have failed to do so here.  The intent of my question has been taken out of context and the further provided information has only fueled those who wish to take it out of context...

    "is it something more or is it just me?" that was the original question.  All you really needed to say was "It's just you." and leave it at that.  If you wanted to add additional information you could have specified that you also don't believe in bonds or connections that span time & space, that friendship is fleeting and that you believe that you have to stop caring about someone (be it friend or lover) when you aren't in constant contact. 

    I'm sorry I opened myself up & put myself out there with this question.  I should have just trusted my own intuition rather than asking others for their opinions.

    1. Shyron E Shenko profile image80
      Shyron E Shenkoposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Mom Kat, in my family the females mostly, care deeply about friends and family - and when someone we care about is hurting, lonely, sick. 
      We can pick-up on it. 

      Trust your own instincts. I don't think you are obsessing or a manic. 

      I have male friends that I love, but would not dare to to tell them, because it might ruin our friendship.  My husband knows, and does not worry, he knows that he is my precious love.

    2. Shyron E Shenko profile image80
      Shyron E Shenkoposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Mom Kat, in my family the females mostly, care deeply about friends and family - and when someone we care about is hurting, lonely, sick. 
      We can pick-up on it. 

      Trust your own instincts. I don't think you are obsessing or a manic. 

      I have male friends that I love, but would not dare to to tell them, because it might ruin our friendship.  My husband knows, and does not worry, he knows that he is my precious love.

      1. Mom Kat profile image81
        Mom Katposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Thank you Shyron for your understanding & support in this.
        I'm a sensitive person & sometimes it feels like I'm going crazy because of it...lol

        It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has these types of bonds & connections.

  9. Marcy Goodfleisch profile image99
    Marcy Goodfleischposted 5 years ago

    Well, now that I've read the whole thread, I'll say I'm dismayed at the way some people responded. 

    And yes, I do think you can have a close connection that is one based in love, and that doesn't lead to or end in marriage. I grew up with a distant cousin who was my childhood soulmate. We always thought of each other as relatives, and did the little kid stuff like skate together at the roller rink and trade school photos. But we never dated or even considered it.

    We were in touch as adults, too, and it was clear we had a connection - we both acknowledged it, but it was simply a tender, loving tie - a deep tie, but nothing romantic. I got married (and later divorced), but he waited many years before he married. I used to tease him about being commitment phobic, and I encouraged him to grab this great woman he had met, because it was clear she was 'different' than the others he'd dated.  By this time, we lived across the country from each other, and we saw each other when he came here for a visit, but I hadn't had a chance to go meet her.

    Sadly (tragically), about six months after he married, he got leukemia, and only lived a few more months. He passed away before their first anniversary, and before I had a chance to go see him one last time.  I still cry over losing him, and his wife and I have stayed in touch (it's been seven years, and we've never even met in person yet!).

    I absolutely know this dear person is a soulmate of mine. I say "is," because his spirit is still with me and always will be. I am thankful he found the sweet woman he married, and I've told her that many times. She knows we had "a special connection," as she puts it, and she has never felt it was a threat to her.

    Anyway - whatever you're feeling is deep within you, and it can be a pure thing that survives time as well as eternity.

    1. Mom Kat profile image81
      Mom Katposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for sharing your story with me Marcy.  I appreciate it very much & can empathize with where you're coming with on it.

      I really hope he's alright.  I just get the feeling he's going through some rough times right now & it's frustrating because I can't get in touch with him.
      I could... but that might cause even more trouble & I don't want that.
      All I can do for now is just send him some positive energy I guess & hope that's enough.

      1. Marcy Goodfleisch profile image99
        Marcy Goodfleischposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        That's the wisest and most considerate choice, Mom Kat - and I firmly believe that energy and those prayers will reach him in appropriate ways. I've heard so many people say they've known when people were praying for them, and I've felt it as well when others have had me in their thoughts and prayers.

        I hope you eventually learn how his life has turned out, and whether your promptings now were related to something in his life.

 
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