Do you know a clean joke you wouldn't mind sharing with the rest of us?

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  1. profile image56
    graceinusposted 4 years ago

    Do you know a clean joke you wouldn't mind sharing with the rest of us?

    I enjoy laughing as much as the next guy. So if you have a good (clean) joke to pass on to the rest of us I'm sure many would like to hear it. So now I hope we can all sit  back and get ready to laugh.

  2. FatFreddysCat profile image99
    FatFreddysCatposted 4 years ago

    Q: What does a vegetarian zombie eat?
    A: "GRAAAAAAIIIINS!"

    1. profile image56
      graceinusposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      FatFreddyCat-Thank you.

  3. C.V.Rajan profile image60
    C.V.Rajanposted 4 years ago

    Doctor: Ah! Your cough sounds much better today!

    Patient: Thank you doctor! I have been practicing for the whole night!

    1. profile image56
      graceinusposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      C.V. Rajan- I'm still laughing. Thanks

    2. BlossomSB profile image90
      BlossomSBposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Good one!

  4. PlanksandNails profile image86
    PlanksandNailsposted 4 years ago

    A pastor decided that his "church" building needed a coat of paint to spruce up the look of the place. He thought a nice coat of paint might draw in more to come to the building. Since there were no volunteers to do the job, the pastor had to do it himself. As he started to paint, he realized that the one can of paint he had would not get the job done. He got some buckets of water and thinned the paint enough to cover the entire building. The pastor spent all day painting. That night it rained hard and washed all the fresh paint away. When the pastor saw what had happened, he cried out to God is discouragement, "Why God, why God did you let it rain washing all my hard work down the drain?" God thundered in reply, "Repaint, repaint and thin no more!"

    1. profile image56
      graceinusposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      PandN- I never heard thios one before. Thanks.

    2. BlossomSB profile image90
      BlossomSBposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Love it!

  5. BuffaloGal1960 profile image71
    BuffaloGal1960posted 4 years ago

    An old farmer once bought a preacher's team of horses and wagon.

    The preacher told the farmer, "To get the horses to go, you have to say "Hallelujah" and to get them to stop, you have to say "Amen".  So the old farmer purchased the horses and got on his way.

    The horses were galloping  just fine but the old farmer saw a cliff up ahead but he could not remember the word the preacher had told him to stop the horses and wagon.

    "Je...Heaven...no  prayer...that's it!  AMEN!" the farmer shouted.

    The team of horses stopped just in the nick of time. 
    "HALLELUJAH!"  The farmer exclaimed.

    1. BuffaloGal1960 profile image71
      BuffaloGal1960posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      I first learned that joke in 1964. It's an oldie but goodie. smile

    2. profile image56
      graceinusposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      BuffaloGal1960- I,too, heard this one many years ago. But for others it may be the first time. Thanks.

    3. BlossomSB profile image90
      BlossomSBposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Oh dear!

  6. Borsia profile image43
    Borsiaposted 4 years ago

    I suppose I would fall back on the 2 jokes rated as the worlds best.
    1. Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson decided they needed a vacation and set out to go camping.
    It was around 3am when Sherlock shook Watson and woke him.
    "What's going on Sherlock?" Watson yawned.
    "Watson, look up and tell me what you see?"
    "Well I see the heavens above us." Watson answered.
    "But tell me exactly what you see?" Sherlock demanded.
    "I see the stars, the planets and the moon. I see that it is truly a most magnificent night with not a cloud in sight. Perfect in fact!" Watson replied.
    "And seeing all of this what is your deduction?" Sherlock queried.
    "Well I suppose I would say that our lord has given us the greatest gift and further blessed us with the ability to comprehend and appreciate it all." Watson paused.
    "So tell me Sherlock, what do you see and from it what do you deduce?"
    "Watson; someone has stolen our tent!"
    2. Two good ole boys in their later years decide to go hunting.
    They are hiking up the side of a hill when one suddenly clutches his chest and collapses.
    The second man pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.
    "911 emergency services what is your emergency" The dispatcher answers.
    "I need help my friend has collapsed, I think he has had a heart attack!"
    "OK sir how is his breathing? Can you take his pulse for me?" the dispatcher asks.
    "He doesn't seem to be breathing at all and I can't feel any pulse at all!" is the panicked reply. "In fact I think he must be dead and I don't know what to do."
    "OK sir try to keep calm. The first thing you have to do is make sure that he is dead."
    "Well alright, if you say so."
    The dispatcher listens waiting for a response.
    There is a pause and some rustling sounds followed by a loud gun shot.
    "Now what?"

    1. profile image56
      graceinusposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Borsia- After 10 minutes I'm still laughing. Thanks.

 
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