What hope do we have?
If God's chosen people wandered in the desert for forty years, even after seeing miracles, how can I not make the same mistakes?
Our biology is built to learn by pain. How many pleasant memories do you struggle with? It's the painful ones that stick with you. What lessons do you derive from those memories? "I'll never do /that/ again!"
God meets us where we are. If we're stuck in "the flesh" that literally means we're living out our biological urges without much else to guide us. Once you commit to pursuing God, then because he loves you, he will allow pain in your life to shape you. In "the spirit" we can be trained by the pain of life (Heb 12:11).
There are two kinds of pain: self-inflicted and "that's just how life is sometimes." The goal is to embrace /any/ pain through God's spirit, at first because we want to learn to avoid self-inflicted pain, and as we mature we want to learn not to cause pain to others. It's a cycle that repeats many times over a lifetime.
The hope is, we learn to approach life differently by embracing whatever discipline comes our way. The hope is, he loves us so much that he will never never never leave or forsake us (Heb 13:5), even when the pain seems darkest.
You will make mistakes. We all do. But you have the hope of becoming a better person through it. Deal generously with others as they make their mistakes at your expense, and trust God with the rest.
Equally, since you know the story so well, how can you not learn from them?
My take is that you are a divine spark and special child of Light. You are unique and whether or not it's clear to you, you do have a lot to contribute to the upliftment of this world.
The father suffers financially so that his son will go to university and do better than he does. Life is all about self-transcendence. No one wishes to go backwards. So having learnt from the dessert folks, utilise this wisely, remain positive and press on. Make that father or Mother proud of you. Make me proud of you. I know that you can do this! God speed!!
By being as humble as you have displayed in your question.
The barrier is ego. Humility is the antidote.
People get arrogant when they think they know it all -- including Christians who think that their interpretation of scripture is Truth.
We need to remain humble and hungry for God's answers.
Discuss scripture, yes! Ask questions. Listen to others. But follow the compass known as the Holy Spirit. Even if you trip yourself up by seeing the Holy Spirit poorly, simply pick yourself up and humbly do it again.
I have seen a lifetime of blessed miracles as powerful as Moses parting the sea. Yet I try to remain humble to keep learning the Lord's sweet answers. I don't always keep that humility, but when I'm reminded of this, I shake off the haughty cloth of this world. I keep learning. And there is so much to learn.
Take Noah's Flood, for example. I was recently promoting my new book, "The Bible's Hidden Wisdom: God's Reason for Noah's Flood." I made the comment on one forum that Noah's Flood was an act of Love.
One person replied with a question like, "Are you cracked?"
The more you study the Bible without preconceptions and church dogma, the simpler it all starts to be. I let her know that God created us in His image and likeness and He is not Homo sapiens. His children were not harmed in the Flood -- only the bodies they wore.
When you see the simplicities of the Holy Bible, then you become perpetually filled with the Holy Spirit and God is with you.
This is a rescue mission, not for the Homo sapiens species, but for the immortal children of God those bodies host.
Ego -- that which craves to be "first" -- is the barrier. Humility and love are the keys.
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