AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODS
An atheist was walking through the woods.
"What majestic trees!"
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot, grizzly bear charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw that the bear was right on top of him; reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident. Do you really expect me to help you out of this predicament?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well", said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."
I always love this one.
There was once two brothers who were meaner than a stick teased rattlesnake. Their mother exhausted from trying to straighten them out asked a preacher to come and see what he could do with them. The preacher came and had the boy separated to speak with the youngest of them first.
"Where is God?" he asked the little boy. The little boy just stood there with a terrified look no his face. The preacher asked again, "Where is God?" The little boy didn't say a word and just had that same look no his face. The preacher told him he could go.
The little boy ran to his room and hid in the closet. The oldest brother asked him what was wrong and why he was so scared. The little boy said, "God is missing and they think we did it!"
Oh, religious jokes. My favorites.
Jesus and Moses were playing golf one day on the Jack Nicklaus course in Montana. This course had a particularly difficult hole, and Moses expressed his doubts that Jesus could make the shot over the water.
"Watch this, Moses, I think I can do it," exclaimed Jesus. "I've seen Tiger Woods make this shot, and if Tiger Woods can do it, then so can I." Moses rolled his eyes and let Jesus try. Sure enough, the ball splashed into the water. Moses parted the water for Jesus, who went in to retrieve his ball.
Jesus, however, was not ready to give up. "I know I can do this, Moses --I've seen Tiger Woods do it, and if he can do it, then so can I." True to form, however, Jesus' ball ended up back in the water. Moses parted the water, and Jesus went in to retrieve the ball.
"Look, Jesus," said Moses. "Try again if you like, but I'm not parting the water for you again."
"Fair enough, Moses," said Jesus. "But you know, I've seen Tiger Woods make this shot, and if Tiger Woods can do it, then so can I."
Once again, Jesus' ball was in the water. Jesus proceeded to walk upon the water to get it. Another group of golfers came up behind Moses and saw Jesus walking on the water.
"Holy Cow!"one of them said to Moses. "Who does that guy think he is, Jesus ?"
"No,"said Moses, rolling his eyes. "He thinks he's Tiger Woods."
by Andrew Colvin3 years ago
I was just wondering if there's any previous Atheists out there who have turned to God. I'm wondering because I struggle. There's a part of me that does believe, a part that doesn't, and a part that wants too. I just...
by Stacie L6 years ago
AN ATHEIST IN THE WOODSAn atheist was walking through the woods."What majestic trees!""What powerful rivers!""What beautiful animals!"He said to himself.As he was...
by premierkj7 years ago
Tiger has announced he will return to golf at the Masters and to be honest I don't want him to win. I would prefer a Mickelson victory...although if he's in contention it will be exciting!
by Make Money7 years ago
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and...
by SirDent6 years ago
Please keep 'em clean.The story is told of the Atheist who accosted a preacher. "Do you believe in eternal life?" The preacher has no time to reply. "Well its a load of rubbish!" shouted the Atheist....
by prettydarkhorse5 years ago
Even Nicklaus applauded him!!This win tied Woods with Nicklaus — the tournament founder!! http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/04/sport … -wins.html
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