I'm pissed he took out a loan to go to Super Bowl that is over 5000.00 just because it is in Indianpolis which is close to home. What should I do?
Before you Publicly Humiliate Him... Ask YOURSELF This: ....
"Why would someone love me enough to marry me... give me his time and his trust... put up with all my moods... my lack of interest in the sports and other things that he really loves (even though I know deep down that they really don't compete with me).... and want to share time with like minded buddies, yet not invite me... but borrow, beg or steal to get to experience what could factually be the Last Enjoyable Thing in his otherwise ordinary Life?????"
If you can answer that question HONESTLY... you will maybe pack his lunch for him - just to say "THANKS I Love You Too!"
I do care about Football, and I do care that he is taking my son who loves New England. I just can't understand the loan part. If I had the 5000.00 in the bank it would be alot easier. I have told him I think its great that he wants to take my sons to the Super Bowl, its a great experience, but we can do alot with 5000.00. I am not putting him down, I'm putting the loan down. What if I took out a loan to go shopping or go on vaction without him?
Personally, I wouldn't get a loan for that particular thing - at all. However, it can make a difference if the loan can easily/comfortably be paid back versus whether it will mean not paying the mortgage or electric bill to pay it back.
If I knew for sure that there was little chance I'd run into trouble paying it back (and quickly), I'm not sure I wouldn't think it would be smarter to break it up into the famous "three easy payments" than to take cash out of the bank.
I'm not really defending the "wisdom" of spending that much on any game, but people have those things in life that they view as important (or as important to at least be able to do once). They also have those times when they think, "This is something I'd just like my child to have - that special time and special event. He's only a kid once, and I've always wished I could have gone to a Superbowl with my father." (That type of thing) People can also have the thing, "I work hard for my money, and I never spend on anything silly. Just once I'd like to do this." Or they have the thing, "My child always does without. For once, I'd like him to have this special thing because he's such a good kid, and there are rotten kids who get to have, and do, so much more than he usually does."
People also have the thing, "Life is short. I learned that when so-and-so died so young. I don't want to wait until I have a spare $5000 to waste on something silly, because my son will grown up - and I may not even be here tomorrow anyway."
So - I don't know... - what I think you should do is talk about it with him, consider trying to see it from his point of view, and consider whether he thinks this is worth such a loan for reasons other than usually being a big "money-waster" or "debt lover".
If he's usually "like this" with money and loans I'd think you may want to see a counselor with him for your marriage. If this is something he does't usually do and just did, maybe it's one of those things that you don't have to be happy about or even understand, but have to live with because married people aren't always going to approve of the other's choices.
A part of me feels bad for him, because I can't help but wonder if he's got some unhappiness, or sense of deprivation, about himself or about your son (maybe only money-wise, special-time-wise, or freedom to not worry about something and just do something "crazy" for once). If it's a case of his thinking sports is five-thousand-dollars' worth of "important" that another thing. Then again, if it's that important to him - maybe that's his right too. It's certainly not a easy situation to imagine figuring out what to do over.
He may need help. He may need understanding. He may need the proverbial pass for one, big, doozie of a poor choice. Then again, maybe he just needs a kick in the bottom with a football cleat. You're the one who probably knows which better than anyone else.
I think you answered your own question.. albeit with a question.
That is the trade-off isn't it? What if you REWARDED Yourself Too? I guess if I was answering this objectively.. then I would say that with the difficulties that each of you have experienced then it is very important for each of you to have some REAL Time Out - but (and as you are clearly stating here) plan it, in a way that doesn't or can't have a negative effect on other lifestyle goals! Time out with the Kids is also Very Important.. so maybe your answer is that you do use the initial savings from not smoking to Reward YOU for giving up and just because it has probably been a long time since you actually thought about You huh?
You know... if you approach this entire thing positively... You WILL Get a Positive Set of Benefits Back! True!
You should immediately purchase opera tickets and two season passes to the nearest art museum.
I am so tempted to rant and rave about the misplaced importance of sports and the sports businessmen who make our nation wild with the millions spent on players and sports arenas and advertising. But I won't do that. I know that it is the way it is because we are still primates very slightly advancing in the evolutionary scheme of things so we can't expect not to love spectacles. I would be livid if (a) I had a husband who borrowed 5000 or even 1000 to go to the superbowl and (b) didn't invite me to go along and (c) we needed a new car. I am livid anyway on your behalf - and also because I like getting the livid adrenaline rush seriously, you will get major guilt benefits when he returns and you will be able to get chores done by him in a flash and maybe other stuff as well - plan for it!
Since it sounds like it's already a done deal, then you can't do much about it, I guess. I understand why you're upset, I think. It's not because of what he's doing with the money, but that he borrowed it without discussing it with you first?
Maybe it puts a strain on your finances, having to pay it back? I think he should've talked to you first--you two are married, so the credit affects you both, good or bad. It's not right that he just went out and got a loan without even telling you--that's not how marriage is supposed to work...
But...he did it, it's done. Hopefully you can talk about this between the two of you without screaming and arguing--sit down and talk about it like adults. Let him know how you feel, and if the paying back of the loan is going to be tough, then let him know that, also.
I understand how badly he probably wants to go to the Superbowl...heck, we do, too, since we live fairly close to Indy. But we admit that we just can't swing it this year...sometimes you just have to watch the good stuff on TV...
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