Why Do Girls Cheat and Other Nonsense

I recently brought this series back to life; it had been sitting on the kitchen counter like some cabernet needing to breathe, and I finally decided it was about time to taste it once again. Let me pour you a glass and you can let me know if it’s ready for the next meal or not.

In case you don’t understand what I’m doing here, I hop on Google and type in a partial question; then I list the search questions that thousands out there ask online. Today’s partial question is….why do girls….?

Now I will warn you right now that I can get a bit sarcastic when I am commenting on these questions. If you don’t appreciate sarcasm then stop reading right now and go back to the reality tv show you were watching. If, however, you don’t mind reading a few poisoned barbs tossed about by yours truly, then by all means continue reading. It is all in jest and I really don’t think people are stupid; I just wish they would quit providing evidence to the contrary.

With the introduction out of the way, it is time once again to delve into the psyches of your neighbors, relatives, and co-workers. Feel free to laugh along with me!

I can only tell you what I suspect is the reason for this, and of course I may just be full of doo-doo. I suspect that girls just want to have fun because they know that one day they are going to marry and be stuck for the rest of their lives with a man.

Who are these people? I’m picturing some dweeb who is miserable because his girlfriend wants to laugh all the time. WTH??? Probably some existentialist poet who sees all of life as misery, and he’s ticked off at the girlfriend because she thinks reruns of “Cheers” are hilarious. I’ve got a message for the girlfriend….DROP HIM NOW! Who wants to date some forty-year old who still has his mother do his laundry for him?

Okay, the first thing wrong with this question is that girls’ bikes don’t have a bar at all, so I’m assuming whoever is typing in this question is hallucinating from too many mushrooms. The same people probably are mad when girls hop on their bikes and laugh! Sacrilege! No bar and laughter??? What is wrong with some people?

Actually, I wrote about this one in another of the Google searches articles; I think boys, with their physical package, should be the ones to have bikes with no bars. Every guy who reads this understands what I’m talking about. OUCH!

I don’t have anything else to say about this one; I’m too excited about the next one, so let’s go to it.

This one is easy! Girls wear bras so short guys don’t have accidents!

Did I just write that? Oh my! Please forgive me; remember, I suggested early on that if you didn’t like sarcasm you might want to skip this hub, so don’t blame me.

I can say for a fact that if girls didn’t wear bras there wouldn’t be one single male graduate from high school or college. There is no way we could handle that kind of distraction and still listen to the teacher. I know this to be true because I went to college during the late 60’s and it was downright impossible to pay attention in class during the winter months. Enough said!

Can you imagine a girl not wearing a bra AND laughing?

Simple….because they ran out of commas!

I should be banned from HubPages for that stupid pun. Seriously, are there really males (I’m hoping these were males asking this question) who don’t know why girls have periods? At first I figured it was probably a bunch of pimply ten year olds asking this, but then I began to wonder how they even knew about periods, and then that thought had me more worried.

I’m not about to give the answer. I think every male should walk around for a certain number of years totally clueless like the rest of us have. There are some mysteries that will be revealed as you get older; in the meantime, just remember to never ask a woman why she has to excuse herself from the restaurant to go potty five times in an hour.

Cheat at what? Their taxes? Monopoly? Bingo? Oh, maybe they mean cheating on their spouse or boyfriend. It should be obvious, right? They cheat because their boyfriends keep getting their eyes poked by women who don’t wear bras! Duh! They cheat because their little momma’s boy can’t do his own laundry, and is constantly walking around reciting depressing poetry in an effort to keep them from being happy and having fun! They cheat because evolution seems to have passed over the male gender, who still scratch their gonads and burp in public.

Well it sure isn’t because you are pleasing them! If you want them to really moan, and not fake it, you need to read Cosmopolitan before your next romantic interlude. If you do, they will not only moan but they will howl at the moon. Just sayin’. Girls moan because they are thinking of George Clooney or Kenny Chesney while they are with you in bed..

The same clowns doing this search are the ones who want to know why girls just want to have fun, and why they have periods and wear bras. For God’s sake, guys, get a clue! If you don’t, mommy is still going to be doing your laundry when you are collecting Social Security.

I admit it….I immediately went and counted the buttons on my shirts. Are you happy? All of my shirts have seven buttons. What does that mean? Am I inadequate because I’m missing a button? That could explain why I couldn’t buy a date in high school and college. Why didn’t anyone tell me it had nothing to do with my personality or physique? I was just missing a damn button!

Girls play games because they can, and it is so easy to mess with our minds, guys, that they find great enjoyment in playing those games. For girls, this is better than sex, and you can bet they talk about it with their girlfriends when we aren’t around. “Hey, Shirley, you should have seen what I did to Tom last night. I walked around the house without a bra on, and then I told him it was my time of the month, and that he was missing a button. God, Shirley, you should have seen the poor schmuck!”

Guys, face the music, we are the weaker sex and we always will be! We don’t stand a prayer when matched up against the devious mind of a female.

I hope this has all been helpful. I’m not getting paid to help all of you out; I just do this out of the goodness of my heart. Once a teacher, always a teacher.

I am going to start up a non-profit organization to help some of these internet searchers. If you want to make a donation, go to my new website at www.loser.com and pledge whatever you can afford. Please, we need to band together and try to stomp out idiocy before it is too late.

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)