Top Google Search With Humor: When Do Your Ears Stop Growing and Other Nonsense
Here we go again! From the title of this article you should be able to tell that we are about to enter the realm of the ridiculous, a bumpy ride through the collective psyche of internet users. I will warn you right now that this article should not be read by anyone suffering from Terminal Humor Deprivation! If you take life too seriously then move on to something a bit more to your liking and skip right over this silliness. We don’t want you breaking out in a smile when you have your heart set on being grumpy. Heaven forbid that should happen! This of course means that I will be losing most of the states of Alaska and Montana, otherwise known as the states that TToombs made famous….or is that infamous?
Where hasn’t TT lived? If you look at her profile http://ttoombs08.hubpages.com/ you will see that she was born in Arkansas, lived in Alaska and North Dakota and is presently in Montana, but I happen to know that she has lived in several more states along the way including Florida. Rumor has it she was asked to leave North Dakota because she had a personality, and as we all know, that just will not do in North Dakota. I do know for a fact she was detained by the local police in Alaska for making an obscene moose call. Maybe that’s how she met her husband? I’ll have to ask her next time we chat.
But I digress! Our job today is to visit the sick and twisted in Internet Land and that’s exactly what we are going to do. Without further delay our question for the day is: when do your…..? Let’s find out what I came up with when I typed in that search question.
WHEN DO YOUR MUSCLES GROW?
Well, if your name is Woody Allen the answer is never! If your name is Arnold the answer is as soon as you start taking steroids. Your muscles will grow immediately but other parts of your anatomy may actually shrink.
You don’t suppose these people are so illiterate that they meant mussels, do you? Remember, these are probably the same people who searched Master Bate from an earlier entry in this series, so all bets are off with the muscle subject. Hey, I wonder if Master Bate had muscles?
Chances are excellent that I’m going to get in trouble for that last line. We better be moving on!
WHEN DO YOUR PERIOD START?
I’m not making this up; it was entered in the search engine exactly like that! Let’s see….if your name is Bert and you live in Bethel, Alaska, there is an excellent chance yours will never start, no matter how many times you like to put on a dress.
It has been my experience that you shouldn’t worry so much about when the period starts; the big source of worry is if your period stops suddenly. If this happens it means that your boy friend should have continued his relationship with Master Bate and left you out of the equation.
TT, don’t just stand there talking to a moose; help me out with this one!
WHEN DO YOUR TEETH STOP GROWING?
Okay, I’ll start with a serious answer…..never mind, that’s no fun! If you take the book “Twilight” a bit too seriously and you live in Forks, Washington, then your teeth may never stop growing AND they might start getting rather sharp!
Wouldn’t it be funny if some of the people doing this search have dentures?
I wonder if steroids affect teeth growth? I wonder if Master Bate grinds his teeth? So many questions and so little time to answer! Sigh!
WHEN DO YOUR BALLS DROP?
No, I’m not making it up! Please, don’t write a comment and give the correct answer. Where is the fun in that? Okay, in my own sick style, your balls may actually shrink if you keep taking those steroid pills. I can also tell you that if you don’t wear a cup while playing a contact sport then one day you are going to take a hit and your balls will grow to an enormous size.
But drop? Like fall off? Wouldn’t that be a story to tell your grandkids? Hey little Jimmy, when I was twenty-nine the damndest thing happened….one day I was washing the car and my balls dropped right on the ground.
TT??? Any answers from Montana? Do you want to know how clueless I am? When I first read this question I thought it was a question about Bingo!
WHEN DO YOUR BREAST FORM MILK?
??????? I’m not even sure what that sentence means other than the fact that the one asking is illiterate.
Hey, you don’t suppose this is from Bert in Alaska again? I mean that guy has some serious issues! He parades around Bethel in a dress, massages his breasts and makes moose calls which are answered by TT while she re-arranges her state magnets on her refrigerator.
You don’t suppose Woody Allen knows Master Bate, do you?
WHEN DO YOUR EARS STOP GROWING?
I am picturing in my mind some poor teenager with Dumbo-sized ears standing in front of the mirror with a yardstick measuring his appendages. What are the chances that kid will ever get a date? Actually pretty good if he lives in Alaska; maybe I should give him Bert’s phone number.
What was it my mother used to tell me: If you don’t stop playing with that thing you’ll go blind? Maybe she was wrong and if you don’t stop playing with that thing your ears will become enormous! WAIT A MINUTE! I’ll bet that kid is the real Master Bate!
You have to ask yourself right about now how long you think this article will remain published before it is flagged, flogged and tossed out in the HubPages garbage pile?
WHEN DO YOUR FEET STOP GROWING?
Oh for the love of God, what is it with these growing questions? Your feet will stop growing when you die! There, are you happy?
UNLESS……your name is Bert and you are a cross-dressing moose trainer from Bethel, Alaska who uses steroids and reads “Twilight.” If that’s you then excess foot growth is the least of your problems.
I’M HEADING TO THE STORE; MORE LATER
I have some shopping to do. TT asked me to pick up a shot glass with the Washington State emblem on it and send it to her in Montana. Yes, she has a collection of those, too! Her friends call her Knick-Knack so feel free to do so on her hubs when you comment. You can also learn all about her on her website…go to http://www.moosecall.com and find out about life in her neck of the woods.
Until next time, may the Good Lord keep your ears and feet from growing and may your balls always stay attached.
2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)
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