- Computers & Software
My Computer is Plotting Against Me
Paranoia or something more?
My computer has been plotting against me for quite some time now. It's been tough to accept. At first, I wanted to believe it was a simple computer virus. Perhaps it was even just a series of coincidences. However, I have an overwhelming amount of evidence against my computer. As days go by, I notice the patterns more and more. My computer hates me. It is out to ruin me. I have become convinced the computer is plotting against me.
You might think I am paranoid. This could be true. How could an inanimate object have feelings? How can it began to plot against me? Wouldn't other computers do the same? Well, perhaps these are valid points. But I have doing some research (and by research, I mean working on this computer and shouting obscenities at it) and all the signs are there.
This computer hates HubPages.
My first piece of evidence is the obvious hatred this computer feels towards HubPages. When I try to work on a hub, it likes to slow to a crawl. It most despises hubs about music videos. If I want to work on a hub about music, I'd better take my butt to my office during non-work hours to take care of that. This computer is just going to shutdown after a while.
How can I love a website so much that my computer hates with such a passion? How can this be? The computer loves to mess up comments. For some reason, it skips entire letters when I try to type comments, yet it works correctly at other times. Is my computer anti-social? Does it hate my cheerful comments I try to share with other hubbers? I am just trying to be supportive of my fellow hubbers!
Furthermore, it likes to occasionally stop working entirely when I am writing a hub. The computer especially enjoys having some type of malfunction right when I am typing the best sentence ever. By the time I go to log back in and start over, the momentum has been lost. I've often forgotten what brilliant phrase was about to leak from my brain.
The next time you read a mediocre hub written by me, you should probably just assume it is because of my computer. Yes, now that I think about it, you should always just blame my computer if one of my hubs is not very good.
The computer does not like my photos.
When I try to post photos on any site, this computer all but shuts down. It is just not into me sharing my photos with the world. Once again, either my computer is anti-social or it feels it would be best if I were to become anti-social.
I've noticed the computer seems perfectly content when I post less attractive photos of myself on any website. However, forget about posting some nice photos on a dating site. Oh no! Goodness, no, Jeannie should not be allowed to have a date! Ouch... did I just refer to myself in third person? This is getting scary!
Get a Computer That Works!
My computer works when I start pricing other computers online.
My most significant piece of evidence I have to present in this semi-paranoid "computer is plotting against me" rant is the fact that the computer will start to work correctly when I begin to look at other computers online. Oh yes, it is jealous!
Occasionally I like to look at Mac computers online. I like to check out the prices and then send emails to friends saying things like, "I think a PC is just not for me anymore. I am going to get a Mac to replace this slow computer." Suddenly, the computer no longer has issues! It is working swiftly and seems pleased to open any webpage I like. Very interesting, Mr. PC, very interesting.
Will you ever see this hub published?
Now that I've shared my secret with you, I hope this hub "survives" the night. I am still going to work on it later. I hope that nothing mysteriously happens to it when I walk away from this computer. I do believe it might behave now that it knows I have figured out its evil plot to ruin me and my online success.
Of course, maybe it is infected with yet another virus again. That seems to be pretty plausible as well.
Copyright ©2012 Jeannieinabottle
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